Knighst of legend (my maybe soon to be manga)

[ICE-rocks]

Hello people.

we'll some of you knwo that I've been working on a manga. and have recently posted character pictures. but... drawing the manga has left me blank. I can't think of where to drtaw or how to make the cover look. so I've decided to just post the story and maybe the manga later on.

(Note's: The reason a chapter is not that long is because its going to be made into a manga which has more pictures than writing. There may be some grammer mistakes... still working on it.)


Rating:
age 14 (the Thug orders a beer...)
Violence (there will be blood.)
language: (the main characters older brother says some bad words but thats not for a long time! til maybe book 14)
Nudity: (None)

Cast for book one:Intro to melodies

Andrew: age 17
Andrew, a rebel of the Imperial knights who came to the lands of chatam.
In search for his family members. He can only recall his three sisters and
Older brother.

Danielle: age 17
Danielle, a Young girl who works at a tavern. Her past leaves nothing but
Fear for her brother is a half breed. She protects him while working to pay
For a cure. She doesn’t know it yet but she has a wondrous gift that leads her
On a quest of a lifetime.

Kalen: age 15
Kalen, Danielle’s young half-breed brother. Kalen’s curse turns out to be a big help
On Andrew and Danielle’s quest.

Alec: age 16
Alec is Andrews accompanied Rebel solider. Andrew took him under his wing when he
Saved Alec from an attack of Imperial knights who knew of Andrews betrayal.

Tammy: age 14
Tammy is like a sister figure to Andrew also a rebel. Andrew saved Tammy on one of his
Missions, he gave her the nickname Kat cause when he met her she had 2 cats.


Marble and Maple:
Tammy’s little cats. Marble is a light green girl cat. Maple is a tan boy cat.



Chapter 1: Trouble at the tavern

We see a tavern filled with customers who are drinking and discussing stories.
“Hey little lady! Where’s my beer?â€

[Photosoph]

I think it sounds good so far; could definitely make a great first chapter/prologue/intro for a manga. In the writing of it, though, it's phrased a little awkwardly; the story itself is good, but the writing style of it (the way you've broken a lot of into separate lines) isn't the normal story-writing practice.

I can imagine it being a great beginning for a manga, though -especially with the twist at the end with the girl saying: "So you don't get hit by the ice."

If you'd like me to quickly edit it to how it would normally be written in novel-style, let me know. Otherwise, I think you've introduced some interesting characters (their appearances and stances on the issue of women), but of course we'd have to wait to read more of the story/manga to get a true grasp on their personalities. ^_^

<EDIT>Oh, just noting that I hadn't read the character profiles before reading the chapter. Generally, I just like to read the story itself and find out about the characters that way. T'is juts my preference.
But reading their quick bios at the beginning has made me interested in all these characters. Nice short descriptions to raise my interest in them and the overall story. ^_^

[ICE-rocks]

hmm sure photosoph if you want you could edit it but like I said I was just trying to get a good Manga way of how its going to be written. I probaly should write it more like a book first to give more detail....

[Photosoph]

That's fine; I was just offering in case you'd like me to do that. I don't know how people write the story portions of manga; I'm pretty clueless in that area. ^_^"

I'll do it for you know, just since it won't take long at all, but it's not anything you have to worry about (making it more book-style ish). However just some things such as 'he said' etc being on the same line as the speech might be good. *Shrugs* However it is, though, what you've done so far is good. ^^

[quote]Chapter 1: Trouble at the tavern

We see a tavern filled with customers who are drinking and discussing stories.
“Hey little lady! Where’s my beer?â€