The Dream World Of Non-Existance

[Kristal*Klear]

Weeeell, I'm not sure I like the title, adn this is the first work I have done in a VERY long time, so please comment... (Hint: Be Nice Or I shall come after you with a club) Hee hee..... here it is... Chaper One And Two




Dream World Of Non-Existence


Chapter One




A cold and gusty wind blew harshly at Kay’s coat, and long stringy brown hair as she hurriedly stepped out of the front door of her apartment. Fall was here in New York, and time was all the more harder to find.

Kay wrapped her long black cloak like coat tightly around her waist. The buttons had failed to work ever since last spring, when she had stuffed the poor old thing in the closet hoping that the next cold season would never arrive. Unfortunately, it did. With that thought Kay stepped down onto the cement sidewalk where she knew her ride would see her. "Starting a knew carpool this morning..." Kay whispered to herself as she waited, impatiently for the car to pull into sight. It was 5:30 AM, and the street was deserted.

Sure, apartment buildings and pent houses lined the streets of her suburban home, but life was no where to be seen. Heard though, was another story. Distant honking horns and shouts came from a few blocks away on main street, where desertion was only hopeful thinking. In a world so full of other people, Kay felt oddly alone, VERY alone. She often felt she didn't belong here.. in this world... in this life.....so many things had happened to get her here.

First, her mother had died two years ago, leaving Kay's disabled father in her hands. Her sister was long gone, probably off with some boyfriend in California. That was where she had last sent a post card from with the short scribbled inscription "Wish you were here.. having lots of fun, Love Maya" on the back. When Kay had turned 20, just last year, she knew she had to find a job, unfortunately, that meant putting her father into a nearby nursing home and moving to the City. Far, and much different from her mountain home in Vermont.

"20, underage, loveless, lonely, busy......and no life" Kay again whispered to herself. When was she going to have a life? For a moment Kay almost wished that she were her sister, Maya, who seemed to have such a wild carefree life, and millions of doting boyfriends following her around.

Kay began to shuffle her feet to keep them warm. It was only September... but an unusually cold one at that. Slowly a rusty, old, red car turned the street corner and began coming towards her. "Oh, Please...... don't be my car pool... please..." Kay cried disdainfully as she watched the rickety old thing lumber towards her. Sure enough, the car began to slow, and come to a halt on front of her. Kay looked distastefully at the car and felt like she was going to cry.

The window slowly rolled down pumped by an older looking man in the drivers seat. "Are you Miss Hartlung?" He asked in an all to cheery voice for Kay’s taste. "Yes I am..." she said in almost a whisper. "But, its Hartling, not Hartlung..... if you please." Kay said in a pleasant voice trying hard to conceal how annoyed she was.

"Oh, pardon me Miss Hartling." The man said. Kay shrugged as she opened the
door to the car. Then, almost with a start realized there was no one else in the car.
"Um, this is the car pool isn't it Mr....... um...."
"Oh, pardon my manners Miss Hartling, I am Mr. Tyson, But you can call me Ty if
you like..."
"Oh, thank you... but Mr. Tyson will work for me."

Tyson’s face lost it's grin.

Kay realized that he was beginning to catch onto her 'inner mood' as she liked to
call it and again asked the same question he had failed to answer. "This IS the
carpool is it not?" She asked beginning to reach for the door handle.

"Yes, I am afraid it is. You are my first pick up... and I do say I had the most
ghastly time finding your house.... err um... apartment. I fear all the buildings in this
part look the same. I might not be able to find the rest of the houses with out
your assistance Kaytlyn." Kay had started to ignore his ramblings yet was startled when she heard him use her first name. She was not offended yet his voice held something strange in it when he said her name…..






Chapter Two


“Hmmm… HMMM HMM HMMMM!â€

[Kristal*Klear]

I guess if no one seems to like this story I will not continue to post anymore. ???????? darn. I knew I was no good at it. *Runs off and hides in corner*

[The-Case]

What happes next!? @_@

I like the story so far! There are a few points of concern (grammar, diction, device, etc) that I'd like to discuss, but it's just polishing words and fine-tuning stylisics from here. I used to be the Copy Editor of my High School newspaper, so stuff like that just kind of jumps out at me.

Don't be discouraged that few people comment. It's a good start to a good story whether people will admit it or not. Make sure you keep on writing and posting! I'll even help edit your chapters if you want me to.

Thanks, by the way, for the comments on my artwork. I'm flattered. I'll be looking for some of your work; I might even ask for a banner or something. ^^

[Esoteric]

What's this? With so many forums, it's been tough keeping up with them all, especially the writing forum.

Hmmm, verrrry interesting story. Is it real? Is it phantom? Please, post some more. Your writing has a good 'voice' and you use plenty of description.

I will hold more comments until I read more of the story.

[Hari]

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Celeia's back in business!!!!! I can't wait to read more!!!!!!!! Come on, don't leave me in suspense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way cool!

-Hari

[true_noir_chloe]

Wow, Kristal, this is very good. There are minor editorial problems; but... whoop-dee-doo, that's what editors are for. *hehe* >_>

Anyways, you hit on my favorite part of good writing; which is - enjoyable characters. ^____^ If I don't like the characters I put down the story - book - and stop reading. Good writing only goes so far. ~_^

[Anna Mae]

This is a good story with intriguing characters. Keep up the good work! I look forward to an update.

[Britomart]

continue! please continue! i love stories like this. The characters seem like people that you might actually meet, which is not the impression i usually get when i read stuff that amateur writers have written.

[Kristal*Klear]

Ok, the next couple of chapters should be here very soon... I have been extraordinarily bust latley... so.... OK... I guess I will go now...

[Namelessknight]

Hey K*K, that was quite interesting! It definitely made me want to read more. So please write more. Dont keep us hanging :-)

[Anna Mae]

Hey K*K, that was quite interesting! It definitely made me want to read more. So please write more. Dont keep us hanging :-)

Yes, I look forward to more.

[Photosoph]

Me too! The title intrigued me, but I hadn't noticed this thread until now.

[starwarsboy90]

Thiss tory is pretty cool. The grammer is better then mine is ,lol. Without and Editor, I wouldn't surive as an Author. keep on writing, this story is keeping me in suspense!