Creed4 Poems

[Anna Mae]

Let him make you trust again. My thought is that a person cannto be forced to trust. I realize that that may not have been your intent, but I would advise rewording it.

Father its hard to listen
When all You see pain. Perhaps you mean:
Father, it's hard to listen
when all You see is pain. This line strikes me as odd. All God sees is pain?

It’s Hard to hear.
When your in desperation.I would suggest
It's hard to hear
when you're in desparation.

My heart feel faint My heart feels faint.
Take me out. Take me out?

I would suggest having God's speech in italics to distinguish that it is a different person talking. At first it is confusing.

[creed4]

Let him make you trust again. My thought is that a person cannto be forced to trust. I realize that that may not have been your intent, but I would advise rewording it.
.

True Trust can not be force, it must be earned, When I wrote that I was asking him to restore my trust

[i]
Father its hard to listen
When all You see pain. Perhaps you mean:
Father, it's hard to listen
when all You see is pain. This line strikes me as odd. All God sees is pain?

No it was the speaker talking about himself in third person, I need to revise that. Thank you for you comments

[creed4]

Here's another one

IF He be Lifted Up

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man
too Him

And with His arms open wide
Upon the cross
He drew all men
To salvation.

With His death
He saved
With his Resurrection’s Hold.

Now I lift up His name
So the world may see
This Lord and King
Who pulled me from the darkest place.
To be with him
In eternity.
Ohh my wonderful Savior
To be save from their Sin
And be raise with Him.

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man
Too Him.

[Rachel]

Niice.

[Anna Mae]

IF He be Lifted UpWhy is this 'if' in all caps? Also, why it a question that He will be lifted up?

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all manI would suggest replacing 'man' with 'mankind' or 'men.'

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man
too HimThis 'too' only needs one 'o.'

And with His arms open wide
Upon the cross
He drew all men
To salvation.

With His death
He saved
With his Resurrection’s Hold.His Resurrection's Hold is also how he saved?

Now I lift up His name
So the world may see
This Lord and King
Who pulled me from the darkest place.I would remove this period
To be with him
In eternity.
Ohh my wonderful SaviorI would change this line to "Oh my wonderful Savior!"
To be save(saved, or safe) from their Sin
And be raised with Him. This sentence does not make sense by itself.

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man

If He be lifted Up
He’ll draw all man
Too Him.

Good poem. You present a nice message here.

[creed4]

Heres a poem I just wrote

Trust in Grace

I trust in a grace
That quakes the minds of men.
I rely on hope
Beyond Fathoming
I seek Love
That cannot be quenched.
For he lives forever.

I could not earned it.
Lord knows I tried
I couldn't buy
The Cost was much to high
Yet I have what was undeserved,
For the King paid my fee,
And Adopted me

It is before me,
I can not see,
For if I did it
Would not be.
It lies at a future date.
And even if I sleep,
I will see His face.
He is the substance
And evidence for my Faith.

Unfailing seeker who sought me
Now I follow you.
You are agape,
I can't fathom.
He who died.
Yet lives
Salvation to all
Who trust.
And he who accepts beyond our faults.


Jesus, King,
I will follow
Lord My God
Let others Know You.

[Anna Mae]

Trust in Grace

I trust in a grace
That quacks the minds of men. By 'quacks' do you mean astounds or puzzles? Your word choice struck me as odd, and coneyed different connotations than I think you intended.
I rely on hope
Beyond FathomingI would put a period here.
I seek Love
That cannot be quenched.
For he lives forever.

I could not earned it. Either put a 'have' between 'not' and 'earned,' or take out the 'ed.'
Lord knows I tried I would suggest a period here.
I couldn't buy A semicolon here would be good.
The Cost was much to high
Yet I have what was undeserved,
For the King paid my fee,
And Adopted me

It is before me,
I can not see,
For if I did it
Would not be.
It lies at a future date.
And even if I sleep,
I will see His face.
He is the substance
And evidence for my Faith.

Unfailing seeker who sought me
Now I follow you.
You are agape, I assume that here you are referring to one of the Greek words for love. In this case, put agape in italics, because otherwise it reads agape as in God's mouth is hanging open.
I can't fathom.
He who died.
Yet lives
Salvation to all
Who trust.
And he who accepts beyond our faults.


Jesus, King,
I will follow
Lord My God
Let others Know You.

Nice poem. You present a good message.

[Rachel]

Grr...I hate that I never have anything vaguely resembling original to say about your poems.

[creed4]

Grr...I hate that I never have anything vaguely resembling original to say about your poems.

Still I appreciate you commenting

[creed4]

Trust in Grace

I trust in a grace
That quacks the minds of men. By 'quacks' do you mean astounds or

[b]Nice poem. You present a good message.

Sorry that was a misspelled word it should be quakes

[Linksquest]

I liked your poem, Trust in Grace! A nice message indeed.

[creed4]

thanks

[creed4]

Here's another peom

I Lost My Heart

I lost my heart
when I gave it too you
I lost my will
when it was yours I sought
I lost my life
when I called out your name
Now I follow you
with a servants heart
For now my heart
is yours, it no longer mine
Now dear Father I seek
to do your will
I go where you lead me
Like a sheep
I follow your voice
Like one who has been consumed with thirst
I thirst for you
to fill my life
with your presents
Like a moth drawn to a light
My heart is drawn to the
light of your word
Like a man who searches
for a great treasure
I give up all I have to you
Now my heart
is sold to Jesus
That is my claim
Thats what Ive said
since I started this road

Now my heart is pounded with sorrow
my life crippled with pain
but I learned that Christ is with me
He has carried me
He showed me a way though
the pain
Like the one who bled
for years
I know it is Christ who heal me
So let me say this one more time
My life in
The kings hands.
I am sold out to him.

[Anna Mae]

I Lost My Heart

I lost my heart
when I gave it too you Replace 'too' with 'to'.
I lost my will
when it was yours I sought
I lost my life
when I called out your name
Now I follow you
with a servant's heart
For now my heart I would suggest not using the word 'heart' twice in a row.
is yours, it's no longer mine
Now dear Father I seek
to do your will
I go where you lead me Adding 'will' after 'I' would fit better.
Like a sheep
I follow your voice
Like one who has been consumed with thirst
I thirst for you Same comment for 'thirst' as for 'heart'.
to fill my life
with your presents Here you probably mean presence.
Like a moth drawn to a light
My heart is drawn to the
light of your word It is with 'light' as it is with 'thirst' and 'heart'.
Like a man who searches
for a great treasure
I give up all I have to you
Now my heart
is sold to Jesus
That is my claim
That's what I've said
since I started this road

Now my heart is pounding with sorrow
my life crippled with pain
but I learned that Christ is with me
He has carried meBetween this line
He showed me a way though and this one you change tenses.
the pain
Like the one who bled
for years
I know it is Christ who heal me I would change 'heal' to 'heals' or 'healed'.
So let me say this one more time
My life is in
The kings hands.
I am sold out to him.

Once again, you have a good poem with an uplifting message.

[creed4]

So many in darkness

So many in darkness
Trying to sing to the light.
So many worship
What they think is the way
As all along
One Cries
For Them to come home.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord
So many go their way
As a tear flows.

So many cry out for a hope
That came long ago
So many sing
With no notes
All along the
Hope knocks at the door

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord.
And one testifies
To Let them know.

So many have come
To know him as Lord
So many testify
Of goodness he's day
We stand by the hope
when all reason fade.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord
And we who have heard
Cry to tell you

Jesus give light to the worship we bring
Jesus is the hope your waiting for
Let him into your Heart
Grab your instruments and Play
Rejoice, Rejoice, for Jesus is Lord.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord.
And the Lord himself
Give notes to the song,
And the Lord himself
Beckons you to sing along.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord
Rejoice in the Lord.

[Anna Mae]

So many in darkness

So many in darkness
Trying to sing to the light. (I would capitalize Light. I like this line.)
So many worship
What they think is the way
As all along
One Cries
For Them to come home. (Why is 'Them' capitalized?)

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord (I really like this chorus.)
So many go their own way
As a tear flows.

So many cry out for a hope
That came long ago
So many sing
With no notes
All along the (Another word such as 'and' or 'while' would help it to flow better.)
Hope knocks at the door

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord.
And one testifies
To Let them know. (Why is 'Let' capitalized?)

So many have come
To know Him as Lord
So many testify
Of goodness he's day (This line does not make sense.)
We stand by the hope
when all reason fades.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord
And we who have heard
Cry to tell you

Jesus give light to the worship we bring (Until now you have not been addressing Jesus, but the world. It would be better if you were to stay consistent. I like the line otherwise, though.)
Jesus is the hope you're waiting for
Let him into your Heart
Grab your instruments and Play
Rejoice, Rejoice, for Jesus is Lord.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord.
And the Lord himself
Give notes to the song,
And the Lord himself
Beckons you to sing along.

And Creation testifies
With a mighty roar,
And the Heart quakes
At the move of the Lord
Rejoice in the Lord.

Of your poems, this is probably one of my favorites. Your message is good, as usual. The best part, though, is the chorus. It really strikes a chord in my heart. Put to music, it could be very powerful.

[creed4]

thanks

[creed4]

This is a poem I wrote in High school

The Moral Compass

You call it your right
to kill your child.
Saying the baby is just tissue.
You call it your lifestyle
to rush into sex
saying its allright as long as both agree.

In a world
where money and pleasure reign,
where convenience governs.
immorality and promiscuity
seem to thrive.
covering our lives in a horrid cloud.

The moral compass
is spinning out of control
searching for a people
who havent bowed
to impuritys lust
or desires call

in our society
morals have been replaced
with tolerances cry
Leaving a people without a standard.
People do as they wish
They go about
thinking evil is good
their right is their left
Hurting each other
serving themselves.

[Anna Mae]

The Moral Compass

You call it your right
to kill your child,
saying the baby is just tissue.
You call it your lifestyle
to rush into sex,
saying its alright as long as both agree.

In a world
where money and pleasure reign,
where convenience governs,
immorality and promiscuity
seem to thrive I would put a comma or elipse here.
covering our lives in a horrid cloud.

The moral compass
is spinning out of control,
searching for a people
who haven't bowed
to impurity's lust
or desire's call.

In our society I would suggest broadening this out to human kind in general. Your poem will seem less jabby that way.
morals have been replaced
with tolerances cry, I would change 'tolerances cry' to 'the cry of tolerance' or 'homage to tolerance'.
leaving a people without a standard.
People do as they wish.
They go about
thinking evil is good,
their right is their left,
hurting each other
serving themselves. I would change the last line to 'to serve themselves.'

Good message. However, I would advise injecting more sorrow over humanity's fallenness into the poem. Otherwise some might see it as a judgemental or holier-than-thou attitude.

[creed4]

Here are two poems.
Who?

Who is He who lives?
Who is He who reigns?
Who is He that is
The King of Glory?
Who is He that died?
Who is He that Lives?

Born to this world
We are weak souls
Who choose against him.
Now eternity away
From our good King
Is our doom.
But His Love for us
Is Strong.
He came and died.
Took the punishment
Himself.
So we could be with Him.

Who is He who reigns
Gloriously?
Who is he who loves
No matter the wrong?
Who is He that will return?

He is the Lord Most High
Jesus King and Lord.
Jesus the anointed one
He who came as a lamb.
To take our place.
He who reigns
Jesus the Son of God
He is the Lord Most High.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who

Who took the heart of a dead man
And made it beat again
Who took the life of the lonely
And gave him companionship
Who took the wayward one
And put him on the road to life?

He is the one called I AM
The Lord of Host
Father, Creator, Glorious King
He is the one called Jesus
The one who open the way
His servant I will be.

Who took the soul misguided
And gave him purpose
Who took the weary
And strength him
Who took the Aimless Traveler
And gave him a destination?

[Anna Mae]

Who?

Who is He who lives?
Who is He who reigns?
Who is He that is I think this 'that' should be 'who' as well.
The King of Glory?
Who is He that died?
Who is He that Lives? I like the way the beginning and the end of this stanza are the same.

Born to this world
We are weak souls
Who choose against him.
Now eternity away
From our good King
Is our doom. The first part of this stanza should probably not be in present tense because it is no longer the case, due to the second part of this stanza.
But His Love for us
Is Strong.
He came and died.
Took the punishment
Himself.
So we could be with Him.

Who is He who reigns
Gloriously?
Who is he who loves
No matter the wrong? This line could use another word or two to make it work better. An example would be "No matter what the wrong?"
Who is He that will return?

He is the Lord Most High,
Jesus King and Lord,
Jesus the anointed one,
He who came as a lamb
To take our place,
He who reigns,
Jesus the Son of God.
He is the Lord Most High.

I would suggest repeating the first stanza at the end.

Good psalm.

[Anna Mae]

Who I would avoid having two poems with such similar titles.

Who took the heart of a dead man
And made it beat again?
Who took the life of a lonely man[
And gave him companionship?
Who took the wayward one
And put him on the road to life?

He is the one called I AM,
The Lord of Host,
Father, Creator, Glorious King.
He is the one called Jesus,
The one who open the way.
His servant I will be.

Who took the soul misguided
And gave it purpose?
Who took the weary
And strengthened him?
Who took the Aimless Traveler Why is this capitalized?
And gave him a destination?

Your ending surprises me. Usually song-types-of-things end with the chorus instead of a verse. Unless you have a specific reason (that I missed) for doing that, your ending seems abrupt.

Good message, though.

[creed4]

Sorry about that, I was just being lazy when I was typing, The chorus He is the one called I Am was to repeate, Usally when I have a chorus that doesn't change I don't only place it in there once. Thank you for pointing it out.

[creed4]

I wrote this poem a couple of weeks ago after a revival service

I Will Sing Because He Sang

I will sing
Because he sang
His Song to me.
I will praise
Because of what He's done
I will worship
Because of who you are.

So glory be
Holy one
Great I Am.

I stand in awe
Just because your great.
I rejoice
Simply because your King.

Oh you are
The Holy One
The greatest Good
I can not simply speak,
Because your glory consumes me.
Glorious one
I will praise
You for all time
Lord my God
You are all
Magnificent Father
Righteous one
I will sing
Because you sang your song.

[Anna Mae]

I Will Sing Because He Sang [This brings to mind the scripture about God first loving us.]

I will sing
Because he sang
His Song to me.
I will praise
Because of what He's done.
I will worship
Because of who you are.["You?" I assume that you are still referring to God, in which case it would be better if you would not suddenly directly address Him.]

So glory be [For some reason, in my head this phrase is associated with a hickish Southern accent. What if you were to add "to the" at the end of this line?]
Holy One, the
Great I Am.

I stand in awe
Just because your great. [I would recommend changing this line to, "because of your greatness."]
I rejoice
Simply because you're King.

Oh you are
The Holy One,
The greatest Good.
I can not simply speak,
Because your glory consumes me.
Glorious one,
I will praise
You for all time.
Lord my God,
You are all.
Magnificent Father,
Righteous one,
I will sing
Because you sang your song.

[I really like the 'sing because you sang' thing.]

[creed4]

Here is a peom I worte in the last week.

Simple Words

Simple words
But hard they ring
Jesus Lord, my King
Heard so much
They Can lose
The power that they bring.
But to me
They are my life
A living Sacrifice.
Ever since the day
I gave
Lordship away.

Now a slave
To my Loving Lord
A servant bond to my king.
For when I think of
The price He paid.
I must bow humbly.

The Life I live now
Is no longer mine
For with Christ I died.
The life I live now
Is Christ in me.

All This for a King
My everything,
Not enough at all.
For what he done
Is part of who He is.
The Creator,
Holy Lord, Awesome King.
Forever my knee
Will bow in Awe
Of the righteous one.
Forever my First Love
Jesus Lord, my King.

[Anna Mae]

Simple Words

Simple words
But hard they ring
Jesus Lord, my King[This poem would work well if you would tailor i tto a sing-song rhythm.]
Heard so much
They Can lose[Those two lines do not make sense. And, why is 'Can' capitalized?]
The power that they bring.
But to me
They are my life
A living Sacrifice.
Ever since the day
I gave
Lordship away.

Now a slave
To my Loving Lord
A servant bond to my king.[Do you mean 'bonded' instead? Also, it would fit better with the style of the rest of the poem if you capitalized 'king.']
For when I think of
The price He paid.[I would omit this period.]
I must bow humbly.[I think that this line would work better if you reversed teh 'humbly' and 'bow.']

The Life I live now
Is no longer mine
For with Christ I died.
The life I live now
Is Christ in me.

All This for a King[Why is 'This' capitalized?]
My everything,
Not enough at all.
For what He done[I beleive you mean 'did.']
Is part of who He is.
The Creator,
Holy Lord, Awesome King.
Forever my knee
Will bow in Awe
Of the Righteous One.
Forever my First Love
Jesus Lord, my King.

Nice psalm. It is always good to read praise to God.

[creed4]

Thanks, I've written Three in the Last couple of weeks. Heres another

You Told The Sea

You told the sea
How far it may come
Upon the land.
Yet you came down
And became a man.
You hung the moon
On nothing
As it travels in the sky.
Yet you died
To save my soul.

I will praise You
Awesome one
King oh high
Savior.
For you are Holy
And all good things
Come from you.

You spoke the world
And it was.
As you said.
You were always
The word.
In six days
You made all
We see
Yet now you live in my heart.

Awesome God
Holy one
Lord of Hosts
Indivisible
King of all.
And I can't help
But lift my hands
And bow down
In reverence.
Forever to You
Great I Am.
My praise.

[Anna Mae]

You Told The Sea

You told the sea
How far it may come
Upon the land.
Yet you came down
And became a man.
You hung the moon
On nothing
As it travels in the sky.[You change verb tenses in the middle of this sentence.]
Yet you died
To save my soul. [I like your comparisons of the magnitude of God to the love that He is willing to lavish upon us measly humans]

I will praise You
Awesome One
King oh high[This line is unclear. I would suggest changing it to " King, oh High" or "King, oh so high."]
Savior.
For you are Holy
And all good things
Come from you.

You spoke the world
And it was.[I can see why you have this period here, but I think that it might be better if you omitted it.]
As you said.
You were always
The Word. [I kind of like that sequence you have there.]
In six days
You made all
We see,
Yet now you live in my heart.

Awesome God
Holy one
Lord of Hosts
Indivisible
King of all.
And I can't help [I would eliminate the 'and.']
But lift my hands
And bow down
In reverence.[This part would flow better if you took out this period.]
Forever to You
Great I Am. [I would put 'I Am' in all caps.]
My praise. [This last line, while very in character with the poem, doesn't quite feel like it flows.]

Good. I like the contrasts you draw. You also have laid some good correlations side by side.

[creed4]

My Dream Won't Die

Some say my head
Is up in the clouds
Because I dream
Of my home on high.
For I follow the one
Who on the earth died.

But my dream won't die
For its held in the hands
Of the King that rose.
But my heart does cry
For those who do not know Him
Who wander this world alone
With out his guide
To bring them home.

No longer my own.
For my life is surrendered
Tho He who lives
His Life is my life
For I died in Him.
But I've never lied so greatly.
This mind blowing peace you can know
By calling on His name.

And my Dream won't die...

I follow the Lord
Creator of all.
Who died and rose
Who save the soul
The giver of Dreams
Life changer
Jesus the Lord.

Now my Dream can't die.