Insanewitapen's Story (Still Untitled)

[Kawaiikneko]

I have five bites on my right foot but NONE on the other! WTH?! Oh and tons more all over -___- I hate mosquitos SO MUCH.

please shut up... I have at least 14 on each leg from the knee down. I've scratched them so much that they're bloody T___T

..... *begins plotting to steal your star ocean game*

[true_noir_chloe]

*needs a bump desperately*

[Photosoph]

Now that you mention it, I agree. *bump*

[insanewitapen]

GUyyyyyyysss I'm stuck I'm stuck I'M STUCKKK T_T I wanna type but I also want to fix the beginning more. But I dont know what to do to it, I should describe scenes better, give the readers reason to want to read on and a reason to care about Arys's story, learn how to describe scenary better. gaah *is overwhelmed* pray for me please. @_@ suggestions are very appreciated XD;

[Photosoph]

Don't worry too much about it -generally if you just concentrate on getting the story down, it'll be okay. Anything else you can just edit in after you've finished. I know; I'm feeling like that about one of my stories at the moment, but if you get to the end then you can go back and edit. Trying to make everything perfect the first time through could just crush your enthusiasm and creativity for the characters and story. ^_^ Just keep going, that's my suggestion; I've enjoyed your story so far and I'm sure I'll continue to enjoy it as you post more.

[insanewitapen]

Don't worry too much about it -generally if you just concentrate on getting the story down, it'll be okay. Anything else you can just edit in after you've finished. I know]then[/i] you can go back and edit. Trying to make everything perfect the first time through could just crush your enthusiasm and creativity for the characters and story. ^_^ Just keep going, that's my suggestion; I've enjoyed your story so far and I'm sure I'll continue to enjoy it as you post more.

thanks...I think I will go on...>_> crud wheres my floppy? XD; I'll find it. thanks again

[Felix]

^_^ Once I had like 80 something misquito bites. And 80 is where I lost count!

Yep! Just write as it comes to you at your own pace, don't worry too much about fixing things right away, I go back and change little things like a million times but I don't really worry about it, just when some idea to make it better hits me. ^^

[true_noir_chloe]

Please go on, Linda. You have a great idea. I'm looking forward to your continuation of this story. ^________^ You're doing a very good job and I'm definitely going to keep reading it (I won't be so nit-picky and just enjoy it). The best thing to do is always just keep moving forward, like Photosoph said.

[insanewitapen]

*cringe* here it goes >o<

Arys perked up and was about to take him up on his offer but another thing came to mind. Where would I go? Her face sunk as she politely declined. “No…I really don’t have any place to go back to.â€

[insanewitapen]

~*~

"VERIN! LIZAK! ALL OF YOU!" Alexander shouted into the intercom phone. "GET IN HERE NOW!"

A couple seconds later Verin, slowly followed by Lizak, burst through the doors of the palace's small temple. Alexander sat on large throne at the top of a flight of stairs. He still wore the same clothes but his skin had changed from deathly pale to coal black. His hair was the same but his once voided eyes were now thin and bright yellow. Between him and the two Nomeds was a pure gold alter stained with the blood of past sacrifices. The room was dim since the only lighting was candle stands but the red cultish designs on the black marble wall were still visible. The floors and ceiling were made of the same black marble but, instead of red, they had light gray symbols.

“I believe you have a report to give to me Verin,â€

[insanewitapen]

“What does Kain do?â€

[insanewitapen]

One quick thing. I drew Toquor XD (the city Arys is currently in) http://www.christiananime.com/showthread.php?p=511074#post511074 Just so you guys can get an idea ^o^/

(oh and tee I commented on your Miyare picture here ^_^ )

[Photosoph]

Very cool, Iwap! You've written a lot more, and it looks like your story is progressing along well. Alexander sounds like a really evil creep. o_O Very nice contrast to how he formerly appeared to Arys.
Great writing; this world sounds like a very interesting world, and again, so far I'm really enjoying your story. ^_^

[insanewitapen]

[quote="Photosoph"]Very cool, Iwap! You've written a lot more, and it looks like your story is progressing along well. Alexander sounds like a really evil creep. o_O Very nice contrast to how he formerly appeared to Arys.
Great writing]

Muwahahahahaaa sankyu ^o^/ go look at the toquor picture too~

[Photosoph]

Done and done! ^_^ T'was a very cool, detailed pic. I love detail...

[insanewitapen]

Update time! ^_^

A few minutes later she set down the last cup just as the first person came in. He was a normal tall man that looked somewhere in his late thirties but it was his massively huge muscles that gave him his character. His hair was about shoulder length and held a brownish red color. He wore a blue long sleeve sweater and thick, baggy, brown pants. Over it all was a long, gray leather coat. On his shoulder hung a small olive green bag that was mostly likely for his work. When all the features settled in Arys recognized him immediately.


“Hey, Temorth!â€

[insanewitapen]

Ban haded her a small tube of medical lotion and some bandages. She smiled thanking him and began to spread the medicine on. Hearing another person call her name she quickly stuck on the bandages then rushed away with her note book. Kain turned around and watched her make her way over to Temorth’s table.

“Well, I’d better not have too much more,â€

[insanewitapen]

Kain pulled out a chair into the yard and slumped down into it. Why does she have to be so stubborn!? He looked over his shoulder as someone opened up the screen door. Ban walked out to him in blue and white striped pajamas with a small bed cap on his head. Looking back across the street Kain tried to make him self invisible to him.

“Yur bein way to ‘ard on her.â€

[Photosoph]

Great writing! I like how you're developing your characters and the way the story is going so far. You also write a lot at a time, which is great.

[insanewitapen]

Great writing! I like how you're developing your characters and the way the story is going so far. You also write a lot at a time, which is great.

Well actually I have much more than this written down, like.. 86 pages right now >XD And thats only me re-writing it. The actual first draft is, almost more than 200 pages I think... XD

Hmm, well since your done reading and apparently the only one (tee you've read way past this ^^) i gues I could update again ^o^/

[insanewitapen]

Update! ^o^/

~*~

Arys woke up with her head pressing down into her tear stained pillow. The bright sunlight poured into the room giving it a glowing amber look. Flipping over on her side she stared out the window absentmindedly. The argument from last night still played through her head along with waves of fury at Kain’s arrogance. Suddenly her stomach let loose a long ravenous grumble deep with in its bowels. Forcing herself upright she stepped out of bed onto the cold wooden floor. Since she had fallen asleep without changing she brushed her hair and headed downstairs. Ban was already up and wide awake cooking breakfast. An aroma of cooked bacon flowed tauntingly under her nose drawing her near the counter. The realization of her hunger from barely eating anything the day before finally got to her.

“Ban that looks wonderful,â€

[insanewitapen]

Kain kicked up the stick on the black wheeled motorcycle as a girl tied a package on to the back.

“Thanks for doing this for me on a Friday.â€

[insanewitapen]

~*~

Rolling to a stop Kain parked his bike in one of the small outlined spaces on the side of the rode. Turning he looked around quickly, pulled out a beanie, and slipped it over his head and ears. Why didn’t I do this earlier? He couldn’t let himself turn so careless. He made his way across the rode to a large, inside, park. As he entered he felt a shiver go down his spine as the warmth of the green house hit him. The plants and trees rose right up to the ceiling, their color as bright as the forests outside during the summer. Low and soothing music played from hidden speakers among the foliage, adding to the serene feel. Many people were walking, or sitting, trying to forget the bitter wind outside. Cloaking his face with a dull, natural looking smile he searched for a bench along the park path.

Soon he came to the middle of the garden where a tall monument to the once great Marin race stood. The tall long haired creature was made out of a hard marble like substance that glistened in the sunlight that came through the roof. Most of the race, according to books, had long light colored haired, gangly bodies with dark brown skin, pupil-less thin eyes, and extremely long pointed ears. They truly must have been a sight to behold. Kain looked around the towering statue and saw a reasonably sized group of “noblesâ€

[insanewitapen]

LAST ONE! I swear ^^;

~*~

‘Ther chekin da ‘ouses und shops?!â€

[Photosoph]

Cool! I've read and enjoyed a few posts so far, but will have to find time to read the next ones in and then give you a more detailed reply.
Great writing!

[insanewitapen]

cool ^^ and I'm have writers block now =.= but dont worry theres still plenty typed out you havent read. ^_^

[Photosoph]

That was a lot, but it was good to read so much. ^_^ Sorry to hear you've got writer's block; if you'd like to know a few tips on how different people cope/get around it, I'm sure there's an old thread in this forum somewhere...
I really like what you've written -in the last few posts you've given the city, races and main characters a lot more depth.
Great work, Iwap!

[insanewitapen]

~*~

Six hours later

Arys laughed along with the table she was serving and handed out the drinks. The events earlier that day were completely forgotten as the night in the bar began to wind down. She had finished the book about the Marins and decided to help Ban to get her mind off of things. Temorth had come earlier in the evening to tell him about the Nomed’s searching every single building on the 1st section. It hadn’t mattered if the house was suspicious looking or not.

“Hey Arys!â€

[insanewitapen]

~*~

Four days later

Kain opened his eyes groggily to the bright light of the sun streaming down on him. Squinting he shoved the covers off of himself and sat upright for about ten minutes. Eventually he forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom. A shiver went up his spine when his feet touched the cold tile floor. As he looked into the mirror he saw dry blood all over his mouth and chest. Grumbling annoyingly he turned on the water and began to wash himself off. Another coughing fit had decided to harass him again in the middle of night. His best guess was that he passed out right after it finished.

Kain walked downstairs in his black night pants with an armful of his bloodied sheets. Ban looked up from the counter and shook his head. “Kain I’m tellin ya, if ye dun’t ‘ave someone look at ya soon yer-â€

[Photosoph]

Please excuse me whilst I take this time to mutter in frustration at the power cut which interrupted the post I was going to make before.
*Ahem.* Musha wusha power failure musha wusha... *Ahem.*

Anyway, I just noticed that you'd repeated 'and watched' in this sentence. I'm not sure if it was done purposefully for an effect or not, so I thought I'd point it out just in case. ^_^
[quote="Iwap's story"]“Not sure,â€