The return of Kesshin's poetry thread (oh, the humanity)

[Kesshin]

Yep. It's been one of those writing phases where, for whatever reason, I've been cranking out the poems. ^^;; Sometimes I just get in the mood, and there's a pen in my hand....

Saru: Don't listen to her. Half of it's stupid poems she wrote about that piano boy-
Kesshin: *clamps a hand over her silly little brother's mouth* Eh heh heh.... Pay no attention to the brother behind the curtain.
Saru: But I'm not behind a curtain.
Kesshin: It's what we older people call a "figure of speech". Maybe when you can see over my shoulder you'll understand.
Saru: Riiiight..... Seriously, though, you might wanna stay close to a toilet, because the sheer gooiness of these poems-
Kesshin: OUT!!! *shoves her brother (somewhat violently) from the room*

Kids say the darndest things, ne? ^_^ Still, Saru-kun is right. Kesshin has been doing something she never thought she'd do; go on a romantic poetry kick. -_- *sigh* Yes, that's a sad, sad truth. Serves me right for developing a crush on my school's resident bishounen piano player. I did, however, keep some sense of reason. Only about half of the poems are romantic; feel free to ignore the ones that are if that isn't something you enjoy.
So here we go.


Some dreams die before living
Torn away by nightmares
But after all we’ve been through together
I catch myself dreaming again

Some wounds take more than time to heal
The old ones bleed too soon
But each time I’m around you
They heal a little more

Sometimes it aches so badly
I find myself grinning to hide it
But when I return your smiles
My own aren’t masks anymore

Dream from nightmare
Heal from hurt
Smile from grimace
And you’re still here

And I’ll keep on grinning
Through the pain
That I know won’t be there
Forever

Actually, the above poem was written about one of my friends. I was going through a hard time, and they helped me get through it.


Skin of ivory, noble brow,
Hair like a black bird’s wing
Eyes of blue, chips of ice,
Set on a silver ring.

You are cold, my friend
As winter’s howl
Swept cross empty fields
And yet with you,
I am safe somehow
Warm in winter’s sting

Tell me, tell me
The winds will sigh
Where I might find a one
Who breathes like you, who smiles like you
On this, the warm side of the sun

There is not a one, I will answer back
Who breathes or smiles like he
For every other will always lack
His eyes, chilled as the sea

But never will it be confided to him
And never will I say
How at home I am beside him
How he stole my thoughts away

The first touch of frost withers flowers
Winter’s chill breath finds the bee
And I could behold you for hours
So smitten am I with thee

Other maidens to men are lost
With cheeks of red and gold
But I pine away for a one of the frost
Who holds me spellbound by his cold

This one's Shakespeare-inspired. Of course I could never hope to achieve any of his brilliance, but I did try to go for an Elizabethan feel.

[sunet]

I really love your poetry!! ^_^

Keep on writing! ^^

[Kaori]

If it helps to know this, I was indeed reminded of Rennaisance poetry when I read your second poem, even before reading your comment that you were aiming for an Elizabethan feel. Your metaphors in the opening stanza, particularly ("skin of ivory," "chips of ice"), call to mind the tradition of Petrarchan conceits. Even though your images are not the exactly the same as his--which is a good thing, I think--they have the same striking, concise feel.

I do like these poems. Both of them contain some nicely turned phrases; I particularly liked the line "when I return your smiles/ my own aren't masks anymore" in the first poem. I also think that the use of meter and rhyme in the second poem was handled fairly well. The simple abab rhyme scheme you used in several of the stanzas can sometimes detract from a poem by giving it a singsong feel, but in this case I think it is used effectively; it adds to the poem's effect rather than diminishing it.

[Icarus]

Wow, an actual critic (in a good way).

I was tempted to skip the second, as love poems/songs have little to entice me, but I read it anyway. The last stanza is interesting as it contrasts the usual warmth sought with the chill of this gentleman.

By the by, SWING!

[Kesshin]

I'm glad you liked my poems, Sunet. I will post more next weekend if at all possible.

Thanks for reviewing, Kaori. ^^ Yeah, I often have trouble when I use that particular rhyme scheme (it usually comes out sounding childish) but the verses just seemed to form themselves on that one.

And last, but by no means least.... Icarus-kun! *hug* Thanks for taking a look at my silly little ramblings, my friend. ^_^ It really makes my day having an amazing poet like yourself commenting on my poems. I'm sorry that some of them are in fact romantic, but not many and definitely not all.

Saru: I'm surprised anyone actually read these. *tsk* They just don't listen to warnings, do they?

Kesshin: How- How the heck did you get back in my room?!?

Saru: I mean, they really don't know what they're in for.

Kesshin: There must be five different locks on the outside of the door alone!

Saru: Too bad no one bothered to warn me; 'Saru-kun, come read this,' she said. 'I just want to see if it's okay,' she said. My rep is gone, man.

Kesshin: Blockades are supposed to prevent things like that!!

Saru: They're never gonna let me forget this at school. An outcast forever more; abandoned by his classmates, mocked for the mark of "unclean" on his forehead....

*On and on the two siblings bicker. So close, yet so far away*

[girlninja]

Heya sis ^^ yea i'm not the biggest on romance poetry either >< sorry heh but i did read it and i liked them ^_^ keep it up my talented sis ^^
*hugs keep on writing ^^
BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kesshin]

XD Thanks, girlnin-chan.
And.... an update, as promised! ^^ This week it's just one poem, but it's one of my favorites that I've done. And don't fret, this one isn't romantic.

Blue, dreaming

Clutching at a dream
Fingering the rags of things I never had
And you run
You run until it’s gone

The grass rasps your knees
A shirt loosely clings
To a chest filled with a young flame

And that’s what you are, a young flame
Determined to find your place
What is your name, I want to know
Please tell me when you’re sure

//Blue, dreaming,
And suddenly it’s so real.
The world turns blue
And I heal just a little bit more//

Stumble, fall
Gasp at the pain
That’s nothing, you say.
That’s nothing at all

Back against a tree
Let the summer sweat fall
Against red cheeks

Breathe like you’re breathless
Cry like you’re broken
That’s nothing at all, you say
That’s nothing.

//Blue, dreaming,
And suddenly it’s so real.
The world turns blue
And I heal just a little bit more//

The summers fly
Gone to where the old years lay
In memories

Your eyes reflect what they’ve seen
A dream, yes, a dream
Still lingers there
The flame burns on

Are you wiser now for where you’ve been
I see the flame is burning still
What is your name, I want to know
You tell me you’re still not sure

//Blue, dreaming,
And suddenly it’s so real
The world turns blue
And I heal just a little bit more//

Look up one day
See the sky
Sunlight has found you half-asleep

A word, a name
Reaches your ears
Somehow it’s so familiar

Smile, grin, questioned tears
Fall against red cheeks
They ask you what’s the matter
It’s nothing at all, you laugh,
It’s nothing

Blue, dreaming,
And suddenly it’s so real
The world turns blue
And I heal just a little bit more.