the passing of an old man
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the passing of an old man
i wrote this for a workshop. The theme I had to write about was self-fulfillment through community service. I really tried to make it an alagory but I think I was too suttle. A lot of thought and time went into this. I'ld like ot know what ya'll thought of it.
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Run the race so as not to be disqualified from the prize.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
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olorc - Posts: 753
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 3:48 pm
- Location: Tokyo ni ikitai
This is very well-written. I think you were a little too subtle, yes. I'm really not sure what to say. Did you feel very attached to the character's that you wrote about? I mean, this was an okay writing and you probably accomplished what you set out to do with it.
Overall, I was very glad to read something with very little errors. ^___^
Overall, I was very glad to read something with very little errors. ^___^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
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