Holding Back

[Destroyer2000]

This is the rough draft, and I don't plan to do much with this story. It was simply something I felt like doing, for practice for another scene very similar to this one. Anway, what do you think?

Holding Back

The boy tugged at his shirt collar, solemnly listening to the pastor close the funeral. When he finished speaking, the boy turned and walked away. The stuffiness was too much for him to take; he didn’t want to be here to start with. He would much rather be at home alone, with some time to think.

It had been 4 days since the wreck. He had never seen it coming, and neither had his girlfriend. The thought caused him to stiffen – why was he alive and she not? It just wasn’t fair. The boy clenched his fists to hold back the tears. He would have given anything to see her one last time before that.

A sound in front of him caused him to glance up. His best friend was standing in front of him, looking unusually stern.
“Why are you holding back?â€

[Esoteric]

I like all of it....except for his friend smiling as he walks away. It came across as smug. The only kind of smile I could possibly see would be a sad and sympathetic one. Perhaps add a little more description to make that clear, but I really like it otherwise.

[Destroyer2000]

Thanks. As I said, I don't mean much with this other than practice, but I'm glad to see my writing is improving.

[Anna Mae]

When you were indicating that the main character said nothing, the "..." was superfluous. Simply stating that he said nothing would be sufficient.

[fairyprincess90]

i think its pretty good... ^_^