5-word story: the long compilation!

[TheMelodyMaker]

This thread is a compilation of the long-running 5-word story thread started in Goof Off months ago. At this time of typing, it currently has 1059 posts -- and it took me half a week to compile. So without further ado, here is the crazyness that you all started! (Slightly edited for spelling, grammar and continuity issues. )


Segment 1

I was walking in the dark lonely forest of many dangerous and scary creatures that like to eat people and taunt them. I looked around and saw a huge, evil guy in a black cloak who was swinging a sword and saying, "None shall pass!" whilst people were sneaking past the lines for the Oprah song while eating hot dogs and thinking about lung capacity of evil bunny girls named Fred.

Suddenly, something made me rather nauseous, so I took about a ton of Tylenol and rubbed it all over my face and it stung like a rather particularly fuzzy caterpillar that has just eaten Alpo that was two years into the Flintstones series. Without a care in the world, I said aloud to myself, "Man, what am I doing here in this stupid, octagonal love triangle?"

Just as suddenly, a scary, pink, fluffy CAA jackalope bounded from the hills and declared, "My name is Admiral Ricardo Luigi Pierre M'Benga Olof Raskolnikov Monty the Fourth. You can call me Al. I am here to make a declaration of what I call fun, but you call annihilation of the whole entire population of my ant farm. Someday, I shall rule the pitiful round thing you call the Luna sphere.

"You seem to like grape flavored popsicles with little violet sprinkles and chocolate covered peanuts made in sweat factories of the Canadian Lumberjack Cheerleading Squads, where you barbarically ignore. Furthermore, upon [a] closer [look, I] must sing Beatles songs in the bathtub while the frost trips the light fantastic through dark spheres of lavender and tinsel." Then, pausing, he sang, "My bonnie lies over the Voyager's salad bar because Neelix is the best friend of Bob." He then tap danced, saying how ridiculous his song is.

Suddenly he noticed the raging flood waters coming towards me out of the large hidden magic potato salad named Steve who was throwing up to reruns of That '70's Show so that his pet snake could blithely devour the cast of My Three Sons because they were in a bowl covered with barbecue sauce. Blissfully, I jumped out of the small plane I was piloting during an acid rain storm to stay alive.

Suddenly, as I was approaching a large clump of trees I decided that it's time to make an emergency exit. When I pulled the lever, I suddenly plummeted 20,000 feet to my mom's sister's husband's brother's cousin's cat's litter box where I found my lucky penny, then lost my memory, possibly under the boardwalk. I got up, brushed off my flux capacitor and staggered into Cheers where run-on sentences greatly abounded.

And then, forsooth! The Jabberwock burbled, "I bet the Yankees will lose again. Oh, barble." Then, the vorpal blade! He fed a snack of Snickers to all of Dallas, Texas cow folk who love to play checkers on the range where the cows roam free of intestinal parasites. Meanwhile, I forgot what I was doing, having fallen down some stairs; and landing on Linksquest's homework, cried out, "Duck for there and chicken for here." However, I am a vegetarian, you know; so Menchi was once saved.

Then I found a bottle cap, once useful, now twisted and marled beyond recognition. It was stomped into the ground with an ugly oversized buggy-eyed flying purple people eater who had a preference for Coke, but Sora wanted Diet Pepsi so they fought over it. Roxas won because he said, "I'm the powerful Lizard Ninja."

Then, far off in another galaxy somewhere near Arnold's in a parallel urban Wisconsin, hamburgers were sold to aliens for mere tuppence a bag, because aliens need them for the resurrection of Elvis and the taming of the shrew. Played by the lovely Mitsuki who is also in love with a donut, Frederica decided to change her name to Skippy Von Buns-A-Lot who is in love with a ceiling tile.

Suddenly, she realized that E really equalled 4, and she wondered who undid quantum electrodynamics, when Hawking and his all girl band started throwing marmalade at the parade of small green men that were eating toast until they ran out of butter. Suddenly, a mech fell onto the igloo filled with steak and bounced into the atmosphere where it caught orbit around some weird floating mushrooms that rank of putrid toxic gas. Brilliant lasers blasted C-3PO's spaceship.

Meanwhile, a pigeon spontaneously combusts into a Latin version of Mandy. No one listens so it throws a temper tantrum and spontaneously combusts again, while elsewhere everyone else remains perfectly calm. Silently reflecting, Winnie the Pooh steps away from the mirror when golden monkeys pop out to steal his honey. But Usagi saves the day by summoning Barney which accidentally triggered an avalanche of spaghetti sauce suffocating the Sailor Scout, but they re-emerge, wielding a long rubber chicken, and proceed to lick up all the sauce.

The rubber chicken awakens and is eaten by a big moogle with a remote control that morphed the chicken into the Jackson Five singing their favorite Weird Al song while eating lots of cookie confessions. With great aplomb, the moogle realizes he is not a chocobo, and spits out birdseed. Meanwhile, back in the fort, 'tis brillig and slithy toves when Gregor Samsa metamorphed into Domo-kun.

That was all that he could eat before exploding, so he decided that after that he'd throw a costume party for the good people of Mars, but the Martians didn't know how to dance like they were made of Jell-O; but they weren't so they had a beach party in Alaska, where Oprah and Gayle tried to help save whales.

But because Wales was so huge, everyone had to put huge jet packs on their heads and head for the peat bog after they see a big scary hairy wolf that was making pancakes when a French pastry chef arrived to do the laundry so everyone ate the earthworms that came to dance for the 200th poster of this story.

So that was how the story was interrupted by a announcement that Miss Rah and Mister Sisboom were to be locked in a room until the grass had grown so that the little purple elves could watch hours on end of Kenshin making a fool of Donnie Osmond and the Five by doing a sword routine that displayed his unnerving and ability to form run-on sentences. A dog barks.

Suddenly, the silver cat runs to the local gas station for a free ear massage, but she can't find any Cheez-its so Koneko has to settle for the dog who came in wearing high heels because he loved the color of orange because it rhymed with nothing, and thought that was strange. Then he undressed slowly to reveal his white kimono and also his pearlescent katana which was made of candy.

The Hershey people called up; they liked his candy katana but he rebuffed them, saying, "You haven't seen the latest lime green sour apple katana that is on display in [the] Hershey Candy History Museum in a potted plant that can talk to cute ghosts in non-sensical stories like this one. It brings me to wonder why the sky isn't orange, or purple and green, or why the grass isn't soft, squishy and pink like my mother's favorite bunny slippers. In my case, my katana which I chose because it made a ringing sound when you hit someone with the hilt of the sword, and then they fall over laughing until you lop off their googeldyspooch that makes run-on sentences."

Tongues, which are yellow and covered in small green bumps, and pictures of cats on high-grade catnip which is illegal in most cat states [are] around in most states. There are only two states allowing the declaration of sushi-eating freaks, Idaho and Montana, because they went and created an oversized taco filled with invisible pudding. Finally, Kenshin said, "I love Sango so much despite the fact that she is in love with Vash who happens to love Faye because of the ice cream disaster of 1949."

Tasty morsels flew from the gruubsalche, landing in parts unknown, causing the great Chicago Food Fight of 1929 that plastered the town in purple peas and silver carrots that spread disease over galaxies causing all lifeforms to crave green jelly that smelled like turpentine to explode.

I decided I wanted beef jerky, but the king didn't have any so I hummed the song Listen To Your Heart as I hopped on one leg and twitched my ears, while I filed a complaint about turnips that were invading the capital of the underwater Smurfs, who were peaceful creatures but like to eat old shoes of unknowing people that walked along the shores of broken hearts which aren't very pretty but slightly squishy, and they hibernated.

[TheMelodyMaker]

Segment 2

Happy record player static which was caused by evil snoogeldygobb terrorists in their plan to take the purple flower of the Smurflings that wanted nothing more than rain decided to eat a lot of the only female Smurf in the village. The other Smurfs ran into the giant cat and smacked the bugger with Brainy's glasses which were made of cheese, but they were too small to cause any real avalanches, even if they were made of titanium. Changing the channel, I saw an advertisement for the greatest rubber chicken costume set with a cool take-around pouch made from old cheese that smells like old gym socks and yet is appetizing.

Anyway, I went the cleaners and discovered a rabbit in the road on the way. I picked it up and it changed into something much tastier. So I ate it. It tasted so yummy that it felt like I was dancing to ABBA and the forty thieves. But their swords were so sharp that they kept poking the rubber chicken until it exploded and then exploded some more and then was, well, pretty much toast. I jumped into my convertible and ran over a giant.

Well, that's pretty much how Jason climbed out of the hole on the side of my sock, but the doctor decided that he should be put into rehab for his obsession with excavating. However, I shook my head and said, "One chubby bunny, two chubby octopi with four glowing eyes are my only allies left." Bursting with joy, the chipmunk hugged the chubby bunny while the two chubby octopi consumed one quart of raspberry-covered carmelized ants, which made them sticky to eat but Kakashi continued to read and chuckled as a troop of dancing killer whales came lolloping by.

This gave Kakashi an idea; but killing whales was illegal, so she started playing her magical flute of repelling whales but drowned in the process. A scream was heard, and pink fluffy bunnies with Usagi tennis shoes pointed their shotguns and prismatic missle launchers at the fluffy CAA jackalope that was a ninja master and missed, thereby allowing elves to gather around and sing Kum-Ba-Ya. They were so high-pitched that an army of Kakashi nearby began to go mad and ate their own feet.

Fortunately, the madness was just a form of insanity; consequently no one noticed that Klinger had rolled a giant cheese wheel up to the Eiffel Tower yesterday. Right then, my disposal clogged up with the greasy remains of a fast food franchise that was famous for their fried buffalo burgers and ribs. But today, Holmes and Watson, mistaking "alimentary" for "elementary", ordered some onion and liver steaks. They were interrupted by chocobos which died of blood poisoning and exploded. The resulting mess took three days to clean.

On day three they all visited an old friend who spilled milk everywhere, causing the Walrus to cry, while Carpenter spontaneously combusted. The fireball was so small it only burned two feet of flammable ceiling which fell on top of said Walrus, who suffered third-degree burns across his body. Fortunately, an oyster was there for comfort food. The noise of the Walrus consuming oysters flattened buildings for 5 miles.

Elsewhere, on a deserted isle, Gilligan and the gang all pondered merits of cannibalism while hola dancers danced before them. They decided to make hola lot of fun of Puuchuus. Since it was Halloween, they banded together to hunt little chibi Ichigos for their useful dragon hearts that taste like chicken guts. Then, doesn't everything?

"Ewww, what is this thing?" said Sao_Sakura when she saw the big fat cat in her best friend's fridge. She e-mailed the Humane Society and asked to adopt a dog named Bingo because Bingo was a nursing home pet from the western cruelty board of Upper Slippy Rock University where pets are treated like dinner. Her request was rejected because she failed her rabies test. Jenny the Magical Pancake screamed, "Not get the maple syrup!" But since she screamed in the language of Swahili, she couldn't understand herself; and thus, was eaten in dreaded tree-sauce.

The tree-sauce was Treebeard's specialty which he learned from Frodo after spending the afternoon at the local turkey bin estabishment owned and run by Zelda with Mario as a waiter. People insisted on leaving boxes full of kupo nuts which fell on Chicken Little's head. Thus began the strange saga of the purple cow, which avoided Mad Cow Disease by drinking Dr. Pepper out of its own hoof while standing on top of Toboe's head. Unfortunately for everyone else, Toboe couldn't stand up straight so the cow left a crater fill with Orville Redenbacher popcorn.

The popcorn attracted so many weasels, the dog catcher couldn't see the end of Vertigo. Suddenly a small round object the size of New Jersey slipped into the castle of immense proportions made out of cottage cheese and spooky things that painted all the curtains of the rock candy house with tar, while singing their Scottish ballad while playing bagpipes full of lemonade. They choked and they died, dead.

Gravediggers became rich from their big cowboys! But they died with their boots on eating squid and red velvet cake, when all of a sudden a cast of many thousands Lord of the Rings characters performed the Macarana live before taking control of all international pizza factories, causing all teens to revolt and become the largest source of cheap labor working for the Lennon Sisters.

Tired of being completely forgotten, Tom Baker decided to make the Tardis appear on Gallifrey where Romana was baking K9 into a pie for Davros because Davros' birthday was about to upset the Daleks. "EXTERMINATE!" Before they could retaliate, cybermen cried to heaven for something along the line of blue socks, but they only got as far as Seattle where dragons still roamed, but unfortunately they had missed Chinese New Year.

"Bother," said Pooh, while reloading his deadly honey pots with bees that tap danced for Captain Benjamin Sisko of the Federation station Deep Space Nine. Meanwhile, the blue chairman of Ford Motor Company from planet Rigel in a town called Gooey Kablooie found a penny and pulled up his pants; but to his dismay, they were gone and replaced seven pounds of creamed spinach that Popeye immediately ate because Olive Oyl was trapped under a sparkly pile of run-ons.

Also, some hippos were playing Ping-Pong with your own special gong from the inner sanctum. Afterwards, everyone was treated to a shiny new car and a row of glowing pink bishie statues. The fastest snail knocked down the building but it was rebuilt by small cabbits from the planet Jurai who enjoyed long walks on the great wall of China which shook violently with great noise from the deadly invaders rolling around in the butter, but not a normal butter -- a loud, crunchy, violent butter that tasted of cabbit food and was poisonous to catgirls.

"Strange," Holmes mumbled to Watson. "I could have sworn that you were the smart one. But, then again, you love your hot pink fluffy shoes so I guess I was right. You have always inspired my phobia of shoe slug bananas that creep under my wig. How did you get so overweight?"

Watson, astonished, replied, "By eating all those hamburgers you left out. Those weren't what we had expected from those Trekkies but at least they wore those pink bows."

All of CAA was shocked that Mitsuki Lover was really Mitsuki Saiga with paranoid delusions of chibi-Mitsuki raredom that were the most beautifully terrifying vision imaginable that poor Tenchi Masaki was himself in disguise when the robot came into the swimming pool where he was transformed into a little banana. The little banana was actually the '60's British band Herman's Hermits.

All of a sudden, Dr. Bling-Bling started crying to his mama. He wanted his stuffed shoe which was full of cheese, gravy, bananas and thumbtacks. Now let us be gone, so we can rule the ant farm down the [road which] blew a snot rocket across the street and killed a little girl's pet squirrel that happened to be just singing selections from Evita and pretending to hug a little less than everyone else.

But right at that time, everyone gathered around as the crabs were to about to hatch out of John Hurt's stomach during the Seahawks versus Cardinals underwater hockey final. They were amazed that Shaun Alexander could score when his arm fell off and landed on the water heater, cooking it. Naturally, referees blew the call 5 minutes after the finish. No one could believe it, because they were all watching something more interesting.

The paint dried slowly while Dali pondered whether he should eat rice or chips with his ebil puppy. So he decides to have puppy stew with fava beans and a nice salad on the side of green eggs and ham. However, he threw it on his aging mother, loudly proclaiming, "Withered and died! Withered and...", stopping suddenly because she had forgotten that it was Wednesday, and on Wednesday she always preferred immersion in creamed corn.

On her way to get groovy in the corn, she met the entire cast of The Importance of Being Earnest while they were eating at the same McDonald's that Elvis met his toilety end in. The old woman remembered that she had a doctor's appointment so she jumped into a taxi and gave the wrong ticket. The driver stopped and hugged the old lady, singing his favorite Reliant K song in a peculiar Russian dialect; and the old lady bopped away with a stolen iPod.

[TheMelodyMaker]

Segment 3

A frog fell from space and landed at the nearest French restaurant, where alert gourmands screamed like little girls, throwing pink fluffy bunnies all over the hills, catterwalling and yelping like coyotes at a festival. The old lady got really miffed that her ginger muffins got burned in the oven. So, she had to buy pumpkin muffins with the pink credit card she'd found in the blue and green frosting.

Confused, Xena starts to sing about Rhode Island crazies who like to eat jelly beans while walking backwards over hot rocks in the day time in the Sahara. Her singing is so pretty that when people hear it they die from shock and joy. Not. They died coldly through death [and] had a field day. Suddenly, the venue changed to Pluto, where all the intergalactic plants screamed "ORO!" at the top of the building as they prepared to leap to their gloomy deaths at the bottom where they are lying in puddles of their own planty [mud] of the plant [dirt]. The old lady was confused.

"Doubtless," said Kildare, "you have heard of me. I am the Great Waldo Pepper from the blue library in space. Pay me, and I'll cure your insomnia and athlete's foot." Pleased with that idea, he went out to the store and bought a pair of sombreros, but he only needed two buckets of smelly anchovies to start his plan of mass tainted sock production for the coming Alien creature invasion that Sigourney Weaver was going to lead, because she was hotter than Harriet, but reasoning that three pineapples were better, she decided to blast the KGB instead.

This wasn't a tactical move, but a pleasurable dance to the music of Don Quixote Da La Mancha played by a loud Norwegian ratspunkinka, a musical instrument created by the gnomes in the Australian outback, made her sneeze. [As it] turns out, she was allergic to Scandinavian polka if she hopped on one foot, but fell down and then died and the people ate muffins.

"GRULONQUIXOPRINUS!" they cried, screaming at the pink monkey and his all-gorilla orchestra starring the lovely Fay Wray, dressed in yellow sequinned banana skin silk pajamas that had been made by mice with the plague who coughed incessantly. "Out! Out!" There was a dog who sang "LALALALA" all the night, but his neighbors heard loud yodelling coming from below the porch.

"What's going on here?!"

"Nobody knows," came the reply.

"Ack!" the grandmother cried, and the snake on the porch slithered into oblivion, followed by rats and a ham sandwich. But then, "it" came out that mayonnaise caused Chibi-Moonness in the grandmother's earthen, worn face, [which] turned out to be pink, voluptuous, smooth skin. A bird named Elmo was walking down the poopdeck where a tiny earthworm chased an early bird into a hole.

"Avast," yelled Blackbeard, "me ship is very pulchridudinous! HA HA!" Landlubbers reached for a dictionary and used it to smash the planks of the boat that the band used to play tiddly winks with and order pizza from the overly busy Domino's, whose late delivery was nothing compared to Pizza Hut's. Of course there's always Mr. Jim's rattlesnake, weaving through the grass singing the Wiffenpoof song while digesting Piglet.

Meanwhile, Christopher Robin had a compact between this one and that one, stating, "I hate Winnie the Pooh!"

This was heard by Eeyore who got very angry, shouting, "The Paxil isn't working, Rabbit."

And then, without warning, Tigger bounced Rabbit to high school while singing Daydream Believer. Everything suddenly became oblique, which made Picasso quite happy, and Rabbit less bounceable. Tigger gruffly asked Eno, "What's your strategy?"

Just as Regis Philbin asked the old woman about her seaweed-looking silver-purple hair, a baby jumped from the seaweed hair into Regis' face. Regis fell into the audience causing much anxiety, when Green Lantern ate the sandwich that the three little pigs had made for the rat terrier that worried the cat that chased Gomer Pyle's pet hound dog up a large eucalyptus tree. After the pickle spontaneously combusted, it started to sing like a white rhino inflicted with cholera.

The odd interruption aroused many onlookers to comment, "What plot?" as they did pre-calculus homework. Suddenly, the door opened when Marshmallow Man erupted into a chorus of The Candy Man without first consulting a doctor, and splattered mallow all over the drapes that Hyatt bought for his hotel chain.

Prince Rillian saw the witch, and wondered how her head reattachment business was working out, but the commercial for Lassie and Rolaids had ruined any chance that Wendee Lee would show the huge pie to the art appreciation committee before Wednesday, when Art Linkletter would act out a scene from Hamlet. He was cast as Ophelia, but kicked a bucket and they recast Kiddy Phenil in the fire, but he lived until the entire world ended.

A pig and a cow,
had up until now,
been set in a field,
a-snoozin';
when rousing, the sow,
she raised her right brow
and said, "Heavens, the weight
you've been losin'!"
So cow chewed her cud,
and said:

"Everyone knows I'm in over my head in love with a milker in left field that was caught by Mickey, who ended the rhyme scheme." And the cows were happy. As only vapid cows can.

Then Kikyo said to Mitsuki, "I love you, darling, but your hair is infested with pleasurable scents that make me break out in hives when they saw Shippo and Lum Cheng eat their cereal." Mr. Smiley was annoyed at breakfast because a boulder had fallen on his Cap'n Crunch cereal and that made him Mr. Frowny. Now just then, Snoopy was flying his Sopwith Camel when he was hit by a subpoena, then a Subaru.

Then a small pineapple exploded near the ninth sector of the starship because of a bomb from the Klingons, who were visiting Brangelina. Pineapple muck splattered all over PBS and so Barney ate his tail trying to solicit more donations. Cookie Monster then digi-evolved to Mega Cookie Monster and entered a DDR competition to see if he could win and then the worst happened.

Waltz music played endlessly, prompting the cast of Princess Tutu to "pas de deux" all the way to Dairy Queen where they ordered a peanut butter to vandalize the outside walls which were guarded by Barry and his rabid pet ferret. "Out! Out!" cried Lady MacBeth as she fell out the Shakespearean text, plummeting right into a river of blue Jell-O that Bill Cosby was eating.

"Tastes GREAT!" said Cosby, as John Madden and Mike Holmgren spontaneously combusted. This left lots of twinkies for everyone else. They were led by Hagar the yodelling river trout, who deliberately let himself be caught by Shinji and his all-girl travelling orchestra. Lions, tigers, and pineapples all had a good time hosted by Misato.

Meanwhile, back at the slaughterhouse, Fred the mutated goat said, "My word! What is that?"

"'Tis a mushroom," replied [they].

"I fooled you; the cinnamon was poisoned, moron!" saith Gandalf. "Wait, no way," he said and was crush-glomped by a horde of rabit Miroku fangirls. And then, the heavens declared, "The sun needs new batteries." Just as the Tick jumped down from the roof with a plate of cilantro, a salad of green peppers and fries, all for the king, a wombat creeped out and chewed off its own leg.

Then Jinto turned and said, "Ahm'onna have me some fun!" Everyone went to sleep. The end was soon to come. Fortunately, The End procrastinates in playing Bingo with Asuka and writing five-paragraph English essays. But eventually it came, bringing a beautiful bouquet of flowers in a burlap potato sack. Crack! Splat! Something was pelting the poor Australians who were shacked up in someone's house [and] stuck watching Skippy reruns.

And it came to pass that McNabb, though injured, audibled above the world's wildest expectations during his first match. The Great Bird of the Galaxy took one look and said, "I am the Great Cornholio! What were you thinking, eating cooked Gagh? Everyone knows it is just dirty gummy worms that smell like overripe banana bread with squirrels inside it that were singing Elvis Presley's favorite song from the radio."

But then, the evil Jeri ate his own foot; then realized her gender had changed. Jerry Seinfeld was there too. "THE ZERAVERE ARE ATTACKING!" said Kramer, who had come in, and proceeded to juggle several balls of glue that he found rolling around with Calumon. "Why did I do that?" inquired Kramer, looking as if he'd just slipped on a bran muffin held by Elmo.

Crack! Splat! A loud thud erupted throughout the room. Elmo had died in the bloody ketchup war of doom and nobody could [stand] the [mighty] wrath of space alien Joe Kutcher in the shower at the recreation center swimming pool of horrible insects that live in jars of clay that burst into the room singing We All Live In A Yellow Submarine.

The occupants panicked, and flew away from the dangerous northerners, proudly shouting in Minnesotan, "Joe, that ain't no television," while spinning a new square dance called The Ape Of Uff Da, Ya. Don'tchya know that Fran Tarkenton is the king of the North African pygmy giraffe republic, formally the big cheese of Hollandaise sauces?

The he went to the Oxy-Clean man and asked a question [so] horrible that it caused temporary insanity in anyone over the age of one hundred, so not that many people died that day of scurvy, which is a different story. But not too different, they were both told by Hum, to run like [a] stupid monkey who was really Tenshi Masaki in a big monkey costume. Later, at the bananafest, fruit flies were as thick as cankles.

[TheMelodyMaker]

Segment 4

But Sherie said, "Help! My hair's on fire!" while feeding her fish some bacon. "Because bacon is good," she thought, eating her insect; but then it broke. And everyone panicked. Certain people thought that Excel and Hyatt's singing was disturbing the frighteningly scarlet bunny wabbit, a most unusual flying creature. It likes sleeping upside-down in the Mexican restaurant where Abuela cooks luvin' dishes while whistling one hundred bottles of baking soda under the sulphuric acid.

"When she gets dead, kid, get ready to launch the torpedos! We're almost pistol whipped, snow man. Erweenga," said Bobobo as he and Timmy Toot played the piccolo, eating giant gingerbread men with a reckless abandon.

Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin violently stomped around Rapunzel, shouting, "I make brownies with sand!"

Rapunzel whipped him with her dental floss. Her eyebrows were nowhere to be found, so she borrowed some from a caterpillar creeping by. A large taco blinked and started to do the tango with a burrito. The burrito blushed, and ran straight into a tree, which said, "Shame on you for giving me green samurais in a Santa suit in the palm tree." But nobody's sunglasses are THAT ugly. So Rapunzel summoned the giant mecha from a pot plant.

"Why didn't I think of that?" yelled the Green Giant as his footprints turned into lakes again.

This was not a problem since the Great Gatsby owned twenty-four square feet of dirt in a large jar nicely situated on his antique paisley sofa. "How can dogs eat vomit?" he quipped. "Not first in a hundred years would I want to."

Meanwhile, Pikachu jumped off a stage into a crowd of angry eels that wanted to shock him, but naturally he cutified himself, and then he pounded all the eels. Afterwards he whipped out his limburger version of Woody from Cheers. Suitably impressed, the Little Mermaid compiled this thread into one glorious mass of bravado and fainted in the attempt. Afterward, a surly beaver was unimpressed and cutishly chubby, because of Renamon and Guilmon eating lunch at said beaver's own expense. But the real issue was ignored by everybody. That's life.

QtheQreator entered the thread and it was horrible. Pineapples scattered the lime-flavored Jell-O that were supporting the ceiling and suddenly emerged Guilmon who asked Q if she would become his "hunka' hunka' burnin' love." Then the marshmallow exploded! And the passive voice was used to persuade fifty lawn flamingos that nectar tastes better than chocolate milkshake, which it doesn't.

The pink flamingos stood, staring at Yuki Saiko who was expanding like a balloon, fourteen times the size of a Hummer G3. Short on cash, Monet painted Waterlillies and then somehow tripped over an oversized taco named Johnny who spoke like the crashing sea, crying, "Nobody waves to me." Inconsolate, an orca squealed, rolling along the tub of rocky road ice cream that Lafiel had purchased from K-Mart.

Then, suddenly, a falling anvil plummeted through the hole in Professor Peabody's brain casing. He was upset and couldn't work out where the professor had hidden his grey matter while cleaning it. Without any alternative, Agumon declared trump as clubs, and led the group in a round of DDR, which was his own little way of saying, "Feed me plenty of fish!"

Quickly tiring, the remaining Haibane skated on the ice while whistling Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. "If the pixies don't get us first, we should be able to compile this long thread."

[Photosoph]

Ack! You... compiled it?
o_O
!O_O!
I suppose I'll have to get around to reading it sometime then; just for all the hard word it must've been to compile it!

Yesterday I read about 3/4 of the first post. My brain felt like... mush afterwards. >_< Gah!!! So nonsensical!

[Esoteric]

Wooooaaaaaah.

[fairyprincess90]

AWESOME!!!! you should publish that ^_^
its a amazing work of art!!! haahahaha!
i love it!
thats for sure!

[Peregrine]

That's so funny! MelodyMaker, you beat me to it! I have a compilation of that thread too, but you organized it better than I would have. Kudos!

[TheMelodyMaker]

Segment 5 (Posts 1060-1200)

With Lum Cheng's help and a screwdriver, Laura decided to redirect the Time Machine to revitalize the stock market in Kenya. Failing miserably at that, she called upon the magical Cheeto of the Delta Quadrant named Travis to decide whether to eat a Christmas tree cake or go bowling. Predictably, Dagwood ate a large sandwich.

Meanwhile, Renamon and Guilmon were dancing and tripped over a miniscule nanite monster from planet Moringabald and they fell into the punch bowl. After a quick session of Marco Polo, they took a nap. Very quietly, shepherds crept in singing praises to the newborn baby, Brian. The Lord punished them severely taking away their Nintendos. Now free from modern technology, they tried to play dirt.

However, dirt wouldn't play them and they went off to kill off Rose Tyler because she was Rose Sharon's evil puppy. A puppy? Yes, but no ordinary puppy. She was the meanest, most vicious little sheepdog in all of Australia! That moved to Japan instead of This moving to Denmark, so There decided to become a wallpaper.

Finishing his toast, Hamlet stated, "Ophelia, I love to eat Chinese fried rice." But, she replied that she was really interested in chicken. They argued until the television started to leak acidic chemicals that turned their shoes into rabid year-old carrot cake made by tiny elves that don't know how to finish a sentence.

Just then, Polonius picked a peck of pickled Elvis impersonators who had conquered Spain with a toothpick and hors d'ouvres. FMA cosplayers counterattacked with amazing lightning jitsu power and looks that, well, kill! All the penguins ran from Chuck Norris, for fear of death by lighting. So they decided to flee to Belgium.

Later, when all fruit was turned into Vulcan zombie bats, a crash was heard! So, Larry the lamb chop decided to run for President. Unfortunately, President was too fast for the underlings of Count Olaf. When mashed potatoes started to fly through the air and spatter themselves all over people's shorts and boogers when they landed, the dry cleaning place said they only cleaned cows. So they had Rukia and Bugs Bunny sing for the Barry Manilow Sound Alike Contest. Not surprisingly, Bugs won.

Nevertheless, the problem of the repulsive smell emanating from the giant was ignored due to the even bigger issue of a neglected video game developer hacking into the Autobot's skull while singing a lullaby to the hearing-disabled and [slapping] the proof of purchase label on the forehead of a crazy little albino boy named Prometheus who was really Conner from Star Wars, and who is plotting the end of all sentences.

With a flourish, Harold passed out. Everyone shouted and danced the dance of death with a plunger and a bag full of deranged midgets and also passed out. But, everything exploded four times! After such nonsense concluded, bishies sang siren songs sadly, signalling samurai sailors, so certain staffers slept through uplifting verses, while the Coneheads tapdanced on stage with the original Rockettes.

Afterwards, at the cast party, everyone signed each other's casts and hobbled through the chicken fajitas which had been thrown by Bobby Flay for his own nefarious purposes. "You can't mess wit' Texas!" Flay screamed at the sous chef while Clint Eastwood ran for President. "Cake or Death?" demanded Bobby.

Suddenly a massive avacado soared skyward, denouncing California Rolls, when a train fell from outside the terrace, right on a life size cardboard cutout of Spock. "Fascinating, but quite illogical," Spock pondered, watching it on TV. Kirk munched chips, while McCoy read poetry to seven elite rotund teachers of the arts of word processing while they were hunting for hobbits, and ate grilled cheese sandwiches and ketchup stew.

Three little pigs danced to the bagpipes while the Big Bad Wolf played second fiddle to a shark when they had finished their psychotropic drugs. "Never again!" swore John Kerry as he karaoked and then internally combusted.

Barbara felt something fuzzy chewing on a stapler, so he flushed the contraband before the cops figured out his real name. Meanwhile, back on the boat, the pirates thought the ninjas were silly for wearing white tube socks, sombreros and leiderhosen. Then someone shouted, "The dog!"