Mia's question.

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The rain of blood

Postby kaibrightwing » Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:26 am

I'm writing another story and here is the begining tell me what you think?


A boisterous call came from the front of the house. " Mother, mother!" As steps came up to the front shoji opened with a loud thud. A young girl with her long silky black hair floating as she ran into the house calling for her mother she turned toward the veranda to find her seating at a small table reading a scroll her head was down covering her elegant kimono with red and gold with the pattern of flames and on the back of it was a golden on of the phoenix clan, it was so beautiful she couldn't help staring for a moment until she remember what she was doing.â€
I n September of 2012 Megaroad-01 was launched with an escort of fleet of zentraedi warships. From that point on the mass-production of the Megaroad -class colony ship began and soon long-range colony fleets were routinely being launched from earth solar system at a rate of 1-2 per year.
In September of 2022 Megaroad-19 colony ship with it’s escort fleet left earth and headed south fifteen degrees to the right of the southern star. On a mission with three objection; One to search for a planet to colonize, two to see what the rim of the galaxy looks like, three to see if any zentraedi fleets are out there. On July 21, 2025 Megaroad-19 entered its ninth star system and named it the sierra system.
Orbiting the third planet is an asteroid that was some ten miles in size, and a moon that was named Karla.
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Postby Icarus » Thu Jan 08, 2004 3:13 pm

If I might make a suggestion, break up the third and last sentences. As they stand, I forgot what happened at the start of them by the time I got to the end.
The Forsworn War of 34

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here part 2

Postby kaibrightwing » Fri Jan 09, 2004 11:17 pm

Ameiko sipped her tea than set it down and looked at Mia sitting on her cushion anxiety to hear the story. “It was about ten years ago when I was taking my gempuku at the Kyuden Agasha with my self and nine shogun training for are final test I remember it so well.â€
I n September of 2012 Megaroad-01 was launched with an escort of fleet of zentraedi warships. From that point on the mass-production of the Megaroad -class colony ship began and soon long-range colony fleets were routinely being launched from earth solar system at a rate of 1-2 per year.
In September of 2022 Megaroad-19 colony ship with it’s escort fleet left earth and headed south fifteen degrees to the right of the southern star. On a mission with three objection; One to search for a planet to colonize, two to see what the rim of the galaxy looks like, three to see if any zentraedi fleets are out there. On July 21, 2025 Megaroad-19 entered its ninth star system and named it the sierra system.
Orbiting the third planet is an asteroid that was some ten miles in size, and a moon that was named Karla.
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Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2003 8:43 pm
Location: Sierra star system.


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