New Believer

[Princess Kairi]

Last year I made a post about my friend who was agnostic. Last week, he changed his thinking. The answers I got here were mixed, but I came to the conclusion that it was against the Bible for a Christian and non-Christian to be together. I kept this to myself for a long time and watched silently as our bond slowly started to disappear. Last Sunday, I was forced to make a decision, him or God. I finally gathered up the courage and told him the truth knowing that I could lose him forever. It really hurt both of us. He wanted to voice chat for the last time and I agreed. So we voice chatted thinking it would be our last, but during the voice chat he decided to stay. After that happened, he started wanting to learn about God. He has started believing and started joining my cousin and me in our Bible studies. And since then, God has moved the obstacles that were in our way of meeting in person. His parents have agreed to let him come for a visit this summer and a couple in my church has agreed to let him stay with them during his visit.

[Jingo Jaden]

Tough setting, that much is clear. It puts both him and you in a difficult position, though it seems at this time the solution being amicable might work out.

Then again, his primary motivation for joining the faith seems to be hanging on to you. I am not saying it is the definite or the only bit, but time sadly has a tendency to bring trials every now and then. If you are helping him among his path then it would be important that you establish his conversion to God as his own, and that God indeed is more important than every other aspect of our life, and that with time we will lose some of these important aspects. It can be people we love, things we treasure, abilities we rely on or indeed convictions. Should he lose you and have no other personal bond to God of his own, well, it could get sour quickly.

I wish the both of you the best of luck though, but as they say. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Wait were you guys dating? Or just friends?

[Princess Kairi]

@Jingo: I'm aware of that. I'm pretty sure wanting to be with me influenced him, but his choice still seems pretty sincere. I'm still helping him in any way that I can, and he's willing to learn. Believe me, I am still worried about what may happen, but we will deal with that when/if it happens.

@Mr. SmartyPants: No, we aren't dating, but we want to. We've never actually met in person, but we've talked for almost 4 years, and have voice and video chatted a lot.

[Xeno]

But even if you don't date, I don't understand why you two can't still be friends with one another even if he isn't a Christian. Jesus was friends with a bunch of people who weren't proper believers, or were doubters of the present day faith and people talked about him all the time because of it.

[Lynna]

But even if you don't date, I don't understand why you two can't still be friends with one another even if he isn't a Christian. Jesus was friends with a bunch of people who weren't proper believers, or were doubters of the present day faith and people talked about him all the time because of it.

This. Being friends and dating are quite different. While I can see why someone would decide not to date an unbeliever, there's not much of a biblical basis for not being friends with one.

[Princess Kairi]

I wasn't saying we couldn't be friends.

[John_Smith]

Luke 6:43-45: “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

I don’t have much to add to this. I think you’re smart. In the last thread I spoke before about being cynical. I now choose to be optimistic. Don't let love blind you, though. A relationship of any kind can only work out if you’re both honest to the other person, and honest with yourself.

[Princess Kairi]

I understand that a lot better now. It took me being honest with him for us to get this far. I thought at first I just needed to be quiet and be an example for him and hope that something I did or said caught his attention, but then I was pushed into a situation where I had to choose between him and God and being quiet wasn't going to get me out of it. I'm really amazed. I can see someone on the receiving end of something like that turning bitter to both the other person and to the idea of God, but he didn't. He's really wanting to learn more. He's asking questions during our Bible study and he's giving his interpretations on some things that we study.

I really thank all of you for the help and support.

[PandaPop]

First, Good to hear from you Princess Kairi !
It seems though you know what's most important in your life, so as long as your prepared to stand strong in your beliefs and follow Gods word when you meet him, things will go according to Gods plan.
I will be praying for strength, wisdom, and discernment for you, that his heart change is sincere and that he continues to grow, and that whether the result of meeting ends up good or bad you are both brought closer to God through it.

Also, my only real "advice" is to watch him with discernment when you meet, and be prepared for the worst, but pray for the best!

[Mullet Death]

My input may not be of much use, but I'd like to add that, probably subconsciously, part of what drew me to Catholicism was a Catholic girl I knew. I soon discovered all sorts of things that fostered a genuine conversion that had nothing to do with her. Years later I'm still Catholic but haven't seen her in half a decade. Mine was quite a different situation, but I still think if anyone thinks he's just doing this for you, maybe they should rethink their position a little. He may indeed be sincere, not that I can say I know.

[Ante Bellum]

What sort of situation would force you to choose between your god and a guy? Unless it was a matter of excommunication or something (which, if your church isn't some sort of cult, shouldn't be the case), I see no reason why you couldn't remain friends with him.

[Princess Kairi]

God comes first no matter what it is. That means to follow all His commandments. It is going against Him to date/marry a non-believer (at least that's the conclusion I came to). My friend and I want to date. The thing that is stopping us now is the fact that we haven't actually met in person. I stayed quiet hoping he would convert (I didn't want to bring it up because I was scared and I didn't want to be pushy or make him think I was forcing him). Finally, things happened and I had to tell him what was going on. He asked if there was any way we could be together and I had to tell him not as things were or I would be going against God.

We could have remained friends. He wasn't wanting to stay because it would have hurt too much knowing there was no chance of us having a future together as things were. Leaving was his decision.

[Xeno]

So you're blaming him and saying he is leaving when you remained silent about what the rules to the game were until the ninth inning and he was so far down that he couldn't make up the ground. Seems like you more or less forced the decision on him.

[K. Ayato]

You say you were hoping he would convert. It still sounds an awful lot like you want him to convert so that then there will be no hurdles in the chance of you two dating. That's not a good motive for becoming a Believer. A better choice (and I'm not saying you've not considered this) is to pray that if he does believe, it's with sincerity, even if you never have a relationship beyond the level of friends.

[Sammy Boy]

Sorry to hear things didn't work out between you two.

[Princess Kairi]

I think things got mixed up because I'm horrible at explaining. Everything is fine. I wasn't forcing anything onto him, not on purpose, at least. It's all his decision. He's staying because he wants to. As for his new-found belief in God, I think it's sincere. He's continuing to do Bible studies with my cousin and me and he's even talked about going to church since then. Things have been happening that weren't happening before. We've both been blessed since that night. He was suddenly able to come here for a visit (he now has the plane tickets), he's spoken to a member of my family and I've talked to both of his parents through video chat, and my step-mom gave me two tickets (one for me and one for him) to see an artist that we both like. All of this and more happened just a couple of weeks after he made the decision to believe in God.

I'm well aware of the warnings and concerns about this, but no one else has had the feelings and experiences about this that I have had. I'm choosing to stay optimistic and hopeful, but I won't be careless. ^_^

[Sammy Boy]

I think things got mixed up because I'm horrible at explaining.

I'm also aware that we don't know you or him in real life, and therefore do not have all the facts / information regarding this situation. Hence I do not necessarily think it's because you're horrible at explaining things.

I am glad to hear that the situation seems to be improving.