Well, very early this morning my father had to go to the hospital because he began to catch a fever. His condition becomes this way maybe twice a year (everytime the warm/cold seasons change seems like) and it's been going on since he had chemotherapy about 7 years ago. Therefore, it wasn't much of a shock. But it still had me concerned that he had to go to the hospital.
But, that wasn't the problem that had me down this morning. I was fine about my father and I knew he would turn out ok. But this morning I woke up with a cloud of doubt over my head (it's got me in tears now just thinking about it). I was taking a ride on that rollercoaster again that has me wondering about my faith and whether or not my faith is really real. I went to church with that doubt in my mind and I was teary eyed for nearly the entire service.
And then at one moment I just broke down--right there in the middle of the audience. I finally decided to pray to God right there to keep me close and to not let me stray away from Him no matter what thoughts came in my head. And because of those thoughts I wanted Him to cast them away from my mind. So, I'm done with my prayer and service continues on. I'm still teary eyed and worrying about what state my mind was in. But soon I began to feel better especially after hearing the preacher's sermon.
So now I'm back at home and I'm in a better mood. In addition, I believe that God has been telling me through the choir selections at church, the preacher's sermon, the song I heard on my car radio on the way home, and, especially, my father's return home from the hospital that Everything will be alright.
I'd rather have a blood test than have that happen again...I call them "Spiritual Deserts."
He is still feeling a little not-so-good but he has definitely improved since this morning.
Thanks for sharing that with us. I know what u mean and I think all christians do. Its tough when you're in it but when u get out its like.. 'sweet'. You always learn something and feel closer to God after it.
