Having a mentor, a godly confidant, with whom you can talk openly and seriously is a tremendous blessing and help. Preferably they should be someone older than you, mature in the Lord and of good standing. When it comes to overcoming problems, sharing them is often half the battle. There is a lot of truth tied up in that mystery of James which speaks of confessing our sins to one another before finding healing. I believe it is God's established pattern.
I do a weekly radio show with two heads of drug rehabilitation centers and both advocate, and speak strongly, about the need for and benefit of 'support networks'. This isn't something only for 'addicts' but is something which is simply human. We need others to encourage us, to help us grow, and to help us out. Friendship is vital and if you don't have such a relationship now I'd really like to encourage you to start developing one as soon as possible. Ask the Lord to provide someone and then take those brave step forward into what is at first an awkward situation. Persevere past the awkwardness though, for it is very, very much worth it.
Here are a few main ways such a relationship offers help:
1 - It offers a place of open confession. This does two things. First I believe it honours God and the pattern He established - that we should be under authority and that we should confess to one another. Second, secrecy is a breeding ground for sin. Those things we do not share eat at us from the inside. A friend once said, shame is the darkroom where our negatives our developed! Weaknesses in character and those weaknesses in our life opened up by sin will only be overcome and strength restored is they are confronted - not hidden.
2 - It allows for extra prayer. This is one of those Christian staples everyone talks about but there are many who do not seem to believe in it. Yet the truth is - prayer is effective. It was a regular and aggressive habit of Jesus Himself, and all throughout Scripture we are encouraged and challenged to pray. This isn't for nothing or just to give us something to do! Prayer is a mystery but it is a powerful thing. I encourage you again to seek out the truth of the mystery of prayer. Make a habit of it even if you don't understand it and seek God for wisdom and understanding. Whatever you do pray and seek prayer!
3 - It allows for input. Plain and simple, other people can very often give us a perspective on things which we haven't got ourselves. They can see things we easily miss and they can help to brain-storm practical ideas to solve whatever problem, as well as dig into the reasons behind something.
4 - It can keep you accountable. This is why I strongly suggest someone older than you or at the very least, in a position of authority. Peer 'accountability groups' can sometimes just become apathetic story groups with each person sharing their struggles but having no change come. That's because there is no actual accountability there - what are they holding you accountable to? In fact, some of these can do more harm that good. What's worse than not sharing and confessing? Sharing and confessing in a context which only removes the shame and lets you become comfortable in your behaviour. Confession must be accompanied by the challenge for change which comes first internally and second externally - by a person and or the 'atmosphere'. Proper accountability is wonderful and helpful - though often a challenge and awkward.
I refer you here to Lewis' 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' -
"Then the lion said- but I don't know if it spoke- You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat on my back to let him do it.
"The very first tears he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know-if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."
"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.
"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt- and there it was laying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.
(For a fuller version - Hope In The Claws)
And so it is with having a mentor - particularly when you have some particular recurring issue to deal with. It can be a pain, awkward and you'll want to squirm out of it if you can, but in the end, you need to muster the strength to sit still, endure it, and you'll come out feeling amazing.
If I may, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank my friend and mentor Steve for his continued prayer, efforts, and accessibility - and his endurance!
God bless.
