Crimson Twilight

[churchgirl111]

this is a new story I am writing..
um..i know the type may seem familiar but I am going to try and twist it around a bit...it is kinda based on Real bout Highschool and "Ender's Shadow" a book I read...

Prologue

It is a time of utter chaos and hell. Fossil feuls have ran out in the mass production of weapons. So the world stands between modern and acient. Technology is used to construct domes to train troops.

This war split the world and alliances. The US, Britain, Russia, China, and Japan all fight for control of the world. Each nation has peacekeeping forces. Trained from small children, they are the leaders, protectors and caregivers of their nation. The world's hope rest in children's arms.

Some of the elite of troops are called Guardians. Rarely seen in battle their purpose is unknown. All that is known is that destruction befalls wherever they are.

So tell me what you think and if I get a couple saying go with it..i'll write more!

[Zilch]

Writewritewrite now! (dances impatiently)

[churchgirl111]

Ch. 1- The leader

Auron walked down the aqua colored corridor. He barely noticed that they were 30,000 ft off the ground. Visors were pulled down over the few windows. It is better for those afraid of heights.

His eyes glanced up to have the computer scan his retina, and he continued walking.

He gave a brief nod as men saluted, young and old. Why today of all days? Why do I have to train the maggots? He took a deep breath and walked in to the training room where the newbies were assembled.

Placing his palm on the door, he gave his serial code, rank, name and nation loyalty. "43-bravo-1034A, Colonel Auron Shitane of the United states of America," he spoke rapidly. My whole life in one sentence?

He walked in, disgusted at the site. The new people had gotten bored waiting and were lounging around. All but one, a young boy approximately 13 years old. His hair pulled in a ponytail, he stood at relaxed stance and stared straight ahead. He wore the customary recruit uniform, black shirt with black pants.

"IS THIS A PARTY TO YOU ALL!" His voice echoed off the steel walls. THe recruits just stared, then started to laugh. "What do you want?" one boy called out.

Auron walked up and glanced up, the lad was probably 14 or 15. The boy smiled down, "Who do you think you are? Your what? 13? 12?" He began to laugh again as did the others around them. Except for the one, who stood strictly at attention.

Auron laughed with the boy. Which made the group around them laugh harder. Auron grabbed the boy by the shoulder, still laughing. He then delivered a high kick to the head. The boy sprawled back, suprised then angry. He charged.

Fool. Auron stepped back and kicked his leg out, sending the boy down. Auron caught hold of his hair and shoved his face in his knee. THe boy groaned as he fell backwards and onto the floor. The group around them stared.

Auron hovered over the boy, "Do you see this?"

He pointed to his rank on his shoulder, two wolves and an eagle sorrounded by flames. The boy nodded.

"If I ever see you question me again, I'm sending your butt down there without a plane. Do you understand?"

He nodded again. "Good," Auron stepped back, "Now get up." He turned tot the group, "REST OF YOU FALL IN LINE!" The goup scrambled. Auron noticed the 13 -year- old boy was still standing at attention. He is one to watch. Perhaps he will have the talent.

[churchgirl111]

Ch.2-The Apprentice

Kael drew a deep breath. Seated down in a musty airplane with loud and obnoxious kids. He shook his head at their jokes about the Dome and how easy it would be. These kids have no clue.

Hours earlier the sun raised out of its slumber to cast its light upon the world. That light shined in his eyes. He pulled down the blinds to take away the nuisance.

Finally we are on our way. Away from the gangs, the fights, and her He closed his eyes, his hand slipping to the scar on his left eye, the one left by her. His thoughts drifted to his past, his previous hell.

He was raised in a complex. White on white, no color, no laughter, only training. It was a research facility. "Attempting to find if younger children are better suited to fight and train then adults."

Training He supressed a laugh. It was cold, merciless killing. Fights were seen everyday between prisoners and killers. It was their classroom. Research, they were told.Drilled continuously in the art of killing, fighting and military operations.

In order to see humans react to death and the physchological effect on the victim, they were forced to fight one on one, to the death. And he fought and killed. Knowing no other life and knowing no death other then the hell he was already in. He excelled in every area.

And when I stopped she showed up His thoughts drifted to her.

It was his last fight. They boy that he fought was a prisoner for killing and already doped up on cocaine and steroids. He had a knife. Kael shook his head. Easy. Pitifully easy.

He remembered when he got the boy to the ground, voices commanded him to kill. But I refused and payed for it. He rubbed the back of his neck where scars still remained.

She had done it to him. Beaten for refusing to murder.
Had they known where he came from, they could have remedied it.

Before the complex, before her. He was raised by Believers. They had found him orphaned at the age of four and taught of God and Jesus. He didn't understand at that young age, although it would help him later on in life. Praise God he didn't give up on me.

Then they found them. Someone had snooped these precious Believers out. It was illegal to be a Believer. Those who were, died. Before his "parents" were executed they were allowed to see him one last time. They cried, I didn't understand and how I wish i could have cried then, but I couldn't. Unbeknown to him, they slipped a microchip on the back of his neck, concealed under his hair. The policemen didn't think to look.

One day, he had slipped onto the Bible and entered the codes given to him by his "parents". After reading and relizing what he was doing was against God, he became a believer as well. The Day of Tears. praise God that He forgave me, a murderer, a cold harden killer. From that day on, Ibegan to change, to transform.

And they never suspected when i stopped the killing. just thought I was rebelling. Until they had found me reading the Word. He shuddered and his hand drifted to the scar on his eye, the one that she had given him along with the scars on his back.

Shortly after that episode, the research facility was shut down and the boys were re-educated. Most were too much of hard core killers, knowing no other life and were sent to the front lines. Kael was sent to the Dome.

He shook his head. Will I ever be able to forget and forgive myself for what I have done?

[true_noir_chloe]

I got your pm and I read this story. It's not really the stuff I like to read, but I'm sure you'll get plenty of readers. It's not too bad. Keep working on it and it will get better. Always do a read-through after you've written something, so that you can hear what you've written and see if it made sense.

Again, I have to say you guys need to keep writing and reading, and then read about writing. You become writers by doing it, and doing it better the next time.

[churchgirl111]

thanks chloe! I hope i get more readers...just so everyone knows..with each chapter it shifts the view point...gives me more of a challenge in developing my characters....

Chapter 2- Cont.

Kael prayed and tried to relax as the plane started to take off. Kids, ages seven to fourteen sorounded him. Kael figured that he was about 12 now. They didn't have birthdays at the center, so age is a guess.

"I'm lucky I made it to the Dome." He glanced at the clouds drifting past the window, "All i can hope for is to help save people, even if it is in battle."

No one seemed to notice that he was talking to himself. Kael's trained eye spotted the weaklings, the bullies and the good-natured children. Looking at a group of fourteen year old's towards the back of the plane, they seemed defiant and rebellious. They wore ripped blue-jeans, biker gloves, and black t-shirts.

"This is your captain speaking," the intercom above their heads rang, "We are at 30,000 ft and will reach the Dome in an hour. If you get out of your seat other then to use the restroom, you will be disciplined." As if to prove its point, boy-guards stood fifteen ft apart down each aisle.

The rebellious laughed, some gasped and the rest stayed silent.

One of the fourteen year olds stood up, "Yeah what are these wimps going to do?" Kael noticed one of the guards turn, "You will sit down. Now."

The boy started to laugh, "And if I don't?" The guard said nothing. The boy turned to his friends, " See. What did i tell you? Wimps." The group started to agree and laugh. The whole plane watched now.

The guard walked up to him, "You will sit. Three. Two.-" The boy laughed. The guard grabbed his shoulder and delivered a knee to the soplex and pushed him back in his seat. The boy sat, gasping. Two of his friends stood.

Kael stood up, "Sit. If you think they are fooling around with you, your dead wrong." The two boys gave him a look of surprise then anger. One attacked the guard and the other charged two other guards, slipped past them and headed towards Kael.

Kael jumped to the aisle and raised a hand to stop him, "I'm warning you now. I don't want to fight you unless you leave me no choice."

"I'll kill you, punk!" the boy raised his fist.

"Fine." Kael took of his jacket and tossed it one the sheet, revealing ripped muscles and scars. He motioned to the incoming gaurds to stop.

Kael stood in a relaxed position and allowed his reaction instincts to kick in, making sure not to allow murder training to take control. Kael raised a hand to the boy motioning for him to continue.

The boy ran in. Kael delivered a side kick to the soplex, doubling the kid over. Then took his head and delivered a knee, breaking the nose. Blood spurted out of the crushed cartilage.

The boy charged again, took hold of Kael's arm and tried to deliver a punch with the other hand. Kael blocked the punch and uppercutted with the right hand to his chin. The boy fell back.

Kael walked over to him, took one of the boy's hands, twisted the wrist to make the boy roll over and pinned it to his back. "Now," he said calmly, "Do you submit?" The boy yelled and cursed.

Kael pressed harder, the tendons tightening on the arm, "I ask again. Do you submit?" This time the boy nodded. Kael let go of the arm and backed away, a careful eye on the writhing body. He motioned for two guards to step in and using hand signals, for four others to stay with the boy's group.

Another guard stepped behind him, "Impressive. Where did you learn that?" Kael turned around to a boy of the age of sixteen. An silver eagle pinned to his right shoulder showed the rank of Seargeant.

Kael snapped to attention, "Thankyou sir." The Seargeant nodded. Kael went to a relaxed position.

"Keep up the good work." he walked away. Kael waited until he went out of sight and sat back in his chair. He looked up to see kids staring. When they saw him, they shifted away and talked in low whispers.

The rebellious group gave him murderous looks. Kael suppressed a laugh. They would have already died in the Center.

The intercom buzzed, "we are approaching the Dome. Guards remain where you are and everyone else buckle your belts."

more later!

[Icarus]

I can see the influences that you mentioned. There is another that it reminds me of that I'm not sure if you've read, "Battle Royale." Did I mention not to read it?

I'll be coming back to see where you take this.

[churchgirl111]

just for you readers to know...
this will not take a morbid, freaky point of view..however i wish to portray the physchological part of the mind that such lives would take... and the redemption Jesus offers...so please don't be freaked out by the point of view..

And "Battle Royale" I was going to pick up and Thanks for warning me Icarus

[churchgirl111]

Chapter 2-cont.

The plane leveled out and gave a jolt. Kael looked out the window, the blue sky still remained. A steel building, supported by huge propellers, rested a top the clouds. Young guards paced the perimeter.

"Thankyou for flying. You will proceed to where you are directed. Welcome to the Dome." The intercom clicked off.

Children joked as they grabbed their bags and started to depart off the vessel. Kael grabbed his only necessity, his jacket.

Kael noticed the guards around the rebellious group didn't move. Kael heard their complaints and threats as he left.

I have a feeling they will be taught a lesson. His instinct proven correct as he saw guards bearing chains and stun guns walk in the craft, closing the door behind them.

"Do you think they will be hurt?" a boy the age of 12 walked up beside him.
"Hurt as in killed? no," Kael shook his head with a smile, "they will however learn a lesson of how the military works."

The boy remained silent. Kael noticed that he wore a black shirt and black vest with the image of a wolf on the sleeve. Rank of Drill Leader.

The boy stopped, "You notice my rank." Kael stopped and snapped to attention. The boy waved his hand, "You don't have to be so formal. Right now we're just talking, nothing more." Kael relaxed and they started walking again.

"What's your name?"

"Kael."

"You have no last name?"

"No sir."

The boy nodded, "You have previous military training and battles." He pointed to Kael's scar.

Kael nodded.

"I see. Well I hope that we can become equal soldiers as well as comrades." The boy strectched out his hand.

Kael took it and smiled, "As do I, sir." The boy waved and proceeded into the Dome becoming lost in the crowd.

Kael walked towards a table where two officers sat, about 14 and 16.

"Okay. Name," the 14-year old didn't look up from his chart.

"Kael, sir." He snapped to a relaxed stance.

"Last," the 16 didn't glance up either.

"None." Kael stared straight ahead.

The younger boy entered the name in a computer, "Here you are. Your are in Level 4... Wait. No sorry. Level 2."

The older one glanced over his shoulder, "Level 2 already. How is that possible. CHeck it again."

They boy clicked away on the computer and shook his head, "There's no mistake. Level 2."

The older one cast a curious glance," Weird. You are in Level 2, Deck 2. Report to Uniform Sector which is in Corridor three and take a right after that to medical, Understood?"

Kael repeated the directions back. The younger boy gave him his papers and waved him away and motioned for the next. The older one cast another glance.

Kael walked into the crowd and found the metal elevator. "Deck." a computerized voice asked. "Deck 2, Corridor 2" A grinding noise sent the machine in motion. In a few seconds, the blurring scenery stopped.

He stepped out. Corridors of silver metal greeted his every step. Shades placed over the windows, making the corridor seem darker and less inviting. LEVEL 2 showed in dark crimson red every hundred feet.

He saw the door labeled, "uniform and medical observation" He walked in and handed his orders to a older man, probably thirty. First adult i have seen in a while.

The soldier handed him two uniforms, "These are practice. You will wash them at the end of every two days. You will be expected to keep them clean and pressed. Failure to do so brings consequences."

He glanced up and handed him another uniform, "This is your parade. You will wear it only when directed, Understood."

"Yes, sir!" Kael saluted and turned to leave.

"Report to Deck 2, Training Room 4. It's right down the hall."

The door clicked behind him.

Walking down the corridors, Kael noticed few people walked down it. Training most likely. Or if it is Level 2, combat.

He noticed above the doors it said Training 2, then training 3. He stopped at Training 4 and placed his hand on the pad. It asked name, code and rank.

"Kael, no code, level 2 trainee." The door opened. He noticed that others were already in. They all looked fifteen to sixteen.

Perfect. They noticed him and began calls, "Shrimp. Don't you wanna be in the nursery."

ONe boy stepped up and motioned for them to stop," Son I think your in the wrong corridor. Ages 10 to 12 are in Level 4."

Kael looked at him, "There is no mistake."

The boy leaned over, "Look I'm trying to help you out, here."

Kael said nothing. THe boy gave a shrug to his companions and turned back, "Look do you have your papers?"

Kael handed him the papers. The boy scanned them, looked up and read them again. He turned to the laughing group, "There is no mistake. He's with us." They stopped and walked over.

"your kidding, Razor. NOt this shrimp." Razor nodded, "Yep." He turned to Kael, "Sorry about that. Suprised us."

Kael nodded, "Understood."

"Hmph. Well, I'm not gonna listen to a shrimp," one boy called out.

Kael said nothing, his back to the boy. He took of his jacket revealing the multiple scars on his back, "Where is the changing room, please?" Razor pointed towards the back of the room.

Kael walked to it as whispers filled the room. He changed in his training outfit, black shirt with black pants and training boots. Buckling the straps, he heard hoots and laughter.

I have to be careful. All I can do now is protect those who need protection.

Grabbing his other clothes, he discarded them.

"You will stand at attention for the next hour and wait for your commander, class 2-D" a voice resonated off the walls from an intercom above.

Some of the boys snapped to attention, others laughed it off. Kael waited in a relaxed stance. Half an hour passed. He alone stayed in his position. THe rest sat and talked.

"Kid, what's your name?" Razor approached him.

Kael stared straight ahead, "Kael."

"Well, Kael why don't you join us?" he motioned towards the group.

"They are watching us. It wouldn't be wise to disobey orders."

"They just say that to scare you."

Kael shook his head, "thanks anyway, Razor."

Razor smiled and shrugged his shoulders, "Suit yourself."

Fifteen minutes passed. Kael relaxed and sung in his head. Hymns his "parents" used to sing came out of his memory.

They heard a beep from outside then, "43-bravo-1043A, Col. Auron Shitane of the United States of America."

Kael snapped to attention. The rest began to stand. The door opened to reveal a black haired boy about the age of 13. He had the rank of eagle and two wolves sorrounded by flames on his right shoulder. Colonel.

When the boy's noticed his age, they began to laugh.

"IS THIS A PARTY TO YOU ALL?" Even though young, the boy's voice filled the room. The group laughed harder.

The one who showed contempt of Kael earlier, stepped forward and began mock him.

Don't do it. The Colonel took him down with ease.

Kael shook his head. The colonel shoved his rank in the boys face and whispered an undechiperal message. The boy nodded.

"Good," the colonel stood, "REST OF YOU FALL IN LINE!" THe group scurried.

WHEW! SORRY FOR THE LONG INSTALLMENT! HOPE YOU LIKE! MORE LATER!!!

[churchgirl111]

Everyone snapped to attention. The rebellious one crawled in line. Kael acted as if he had seen nothing. I guess old habits die hard.

The Colonel paced the line, disgusted at them. He stopped at Kael, "Name."
Kael saluted, "Kael, sir!" He passed to the next one. They followed Kael's example.

Razor he had known and had learned that the rebellious one's name is Mick. Kael made mental note to watch his back.

Authors note: Sorry everyone have to go! PLEASE LEAVE CRITICISM OR FEEDBACK!! ARIGATO!!