Kokoro Daisuke and her sad sad attempts at poetry...

[Debitt]

A couple things about the poem (actually, to be specific, it's a sonnet) below:

1. It's written from the point of view of a character of mine (who happens to be named Torres. ^^; ), who was hurt both physically and psychologically as a child. It was meant to sound a bit dark and give a sense of hopelessness.
2. I use 'the gods' instead of 'God' because Torres exists in a fantasy story line where there are multiple deities. I don't believe in any of it, but I was trying to stay true to the world and the character, since this may play a small role in the story itself later on.

Torres' Tears
A darkened heart in my bosom doth lie;
I hear it call out vainly for the light.
And like my heart I too so vainly cry,
And beg the gods to bring dawn to this night.

A broken spirit dwells in this empty shell;
A hopeless dream does this crippled child chase.
No tears left to shed in this dried up well,
No arms here to comfort with warm embrace.

I feel the lash of Hell’s whips from below,
While blindly I cry for Heaven’s mercy.
But nay, I’m forever here in shadow,
And salvation’s light, never will I see.

Though upon my knees I hope and pray,
For these blind eyes to once more see the day.

[TheMelodyMaker]

That's pretty good, though it is kind of sad. It sounds like a good description of what it must be like from the point of view of a lost soul.

[Aka-chan]

Nice slight shift in the couplet -- true to the Elizabethan form. Depressing, but nice imagery. ^_~ *leaves cookies for Torres, so long as he shares with Kokoro Daisuke*

[Debitt]

*tempted to run away with said cookies* Heh heh... *getting glared at* What's harder is keeping to iambic pentameter in a sonnet. *stabs the stewpid sonnet meter* RAR!

[Reverie]

Awesome sonnet — I like it very much!

[Aka-chan]

Yep, iambic pentameter is the hardest thing, methinks, especially when it has to rhyme in addition to it all. Write more! A pantoum, maybe? *leaves extra cookies, in case Torres doesn't share*

[Debitt]

Another poem I jotted down yesterday. ^^ Trying my hand at some free verse....depressing free verse, but free verse nontheless.

Once
I was happy once
Once I had a heart that was not frozen in a lake of searing ice.
Once I had wings that wings that could carry me far from the worries and responsibilites of this life
To a secret, quiet place where I could sit and breathe.

I was in love once.
Once I had someone to run to, to throw my arms around and find comfort in.
Once it was not so hard to say "I love you, I love you, I love you"
And sit beside you in our secret, quiet place.

I was innocent once.
Once I had a soul of the purest silver, unmarred by the blackness of guilt.
Once I could have stood before the white throne of God unashamed,
With my head held high.

I am a shadow of who I once was.
Now my wings are broken, bleeding with deep wounds that will not heal.
Now I am a black nightmare, my heart cold as stone
A bottomless well of hate and sorrw

[TheMelodyMaker]

Ah... interesting mental picture of a demon, a fallen angel.

[Htom Sirveaux]

That's really good stuff, Kokoro. Kind of a gloomy, melancholy theme going. The last two stanzas in Once are deep, beautiful, meaningful, and touching. Wow. Keep up the good work.

[Aka-chan]

I am depressed now. *flops down over desk* It's very pretty imagery and contrast, though. You have such a cool way with words. ^__^ *leaves nikuman for the Goku avatar*

[Debitt]

^.^; Thanks for all the nice comments.

I submitted some of my poetry to a literary magazine recently. Hope it gets printed~! *prays*

[Aka-chan]

Good luck! ^__^ *leaves instant ramen for Kokoro Daisuke*