My Story

[Sheenar]

Ok, I'll share my story now. I'll try to give the Reader's Digest version (i.e. short and to the point).

I did not grow up in a Christian home. My mother abused me physically and verbally growing up. My grandma took me to church a few times, but other than that, I never went. I was depressed a lot and had few friends. I was told on a regular basis that I was worthless, a mistake, and my mom and grandma would hit me even for little things. I was afraid to cry, afraid to show weakness.
I tried to act tough in middle school by cursing, but I was hiding a lot of pain inside. I was mostly a "good kid" but I was still empty and felt no hope. I thought often of suicide.
My aunt invited me to come to church with her and my cousins the summer after 7th grade. I gladly went --so glad for any reason to leave the house. I went for several months and heard the Gospel time and time again --I felt a tugging at my heart, but was afraid to follow at first. But God finally got a hold of me one Sunday morning during the invitation. I came forward and accepted Christ.
No, my life didn't "get easier" when I came to Christ, but I now was not alone. High school was difficult, but I made Christian friends and attended the local church. I began to grow in my faith and learn that God loves me.
Going forward to college, I really began to grow in my faith when I moved away from home. I continued to study and grow and adjust to college life.
But my sophomore year, I just overburdened myself. I stretched myself too much by doing too many different things and my mind just snapped. I fell into deep depression for several months. I kept having flashbacks over and over of my abuse. I quit my job. I still went to classes, but I didn't read my Bible and I spent lots of time hanging out with friends to try to "drown" the feeling. This all climaxed one night when I went into the kitchen of the Methodist student center and picked up a knife. I just felt that I couldn't take anymore---I couldn't take anymore pain. I was going to take my life.
But, I heard the small voice of God in my head saying "Child, you are loved much more than you know. You have friends who love you in the other room. I love you. Your friends would be very sad. Don't do this. I am here." I put away the knife and went out and sat with my friends. It was several months before I could get up the nerve to tell them what almost happened.
And frankly, that experience (excuse the phrase) scared the hell out of me. I still struggle some with depression (part of the healing process), but I am reminded of that night and I remember how close I came to losing one of the greatest gifts God has given me: my life. I am so thankful that God stopped me. I would have missed so much. Life has pain, yes, but it also has many joys.
Flashing forward, I have now broken ties with my mom so I can begin the healing process from the abuse. I know it will take a long time, but I know that with God, wholeness and healing is possible. He is with me in this and I am excited to see what God will do.
God is faithful. So faithful. I can trust Him. He is not at all like my earthly parents. He has blessed me so much.
I know that God can bring good out of these experiences. I trust that one day I will be given the opportunity to help someone else who has been through the same things.

[Mithrandir]

Wow. Thank you for sharing this with us. That's really special.

[ChristianKitsune]

Wow, what a powerful testimony!

I think too many times people like myself take life for granted...I've had a very easy life...compared to others...and I praise God for that.

But you are an incrediablly strong person, and I believe God has created you to be this way!

God's using you mightily or will use you mightly I am sure! ^_^

Praise God you are still here 83

[Sheenar]

I know, I am so glad that God saved me! He is so faithful! Even when I'm not. Which is amazing...

[sharien chan]

That is an amazing testimony. I'm glad you could share it.

[Doubleshadow]

You and I have some things in common, especially how God handled the situation. Yup, same awesomely good God watching out for both of us.

[PokettoKunoichi]

Beautiful! That brought tears to my eyes, and inspiration as well...

[NekoChan_C]

Your story touched me so much... I too know a little about pain and depression and it is your story that convinced me to post my own. I believe that we are sometimes allowed to go through things so that we can minister to others by way of our own tesitmony... God bless you and know that you are never, ever alone.