I'm writing a story, and I'm nervous.

[Lochaber Axe]

Hmm... just got around to reading it. I have a question... Innatintive? Are you thinking of inattentive or another word?

[Kesshin]

Yes, I'm sorry. It is inattentive. Curse my horrid spelling!

[Kesshin]

Sorry I can't post more right now; I will try to a bit later.

[Kesshin]

More installments. ^^
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Light. It was the most beatiful thing Pen could ever remember seeing. She let it caress her skin, warming her closed eyelids. But even greater than her desire for light, was her desire for water. She looked behind her at Kern and Eli (carrying Joyce, who was dozing at the moment) as they emerged from the tunnel opening. She smiled through cracked lips. "All right, Eli. Show us to your house."
"Sure thing. And you can take your oxygen mask off now, we're at the very edge of the desert."
Pen and Kern happily did so. After several days, bottled oxygen starting tasting stale.

Sorry I can't write more now; I will try to write more tomorrow. ^^ I'll also be having a special article on Joyce/Ralda.

[true_noir_chloe]

Good stuff. Keep writing and getting better. ^_^

[Kesshin]

Aw, thanks, Chloe. I really have improved a bit since I started this bizzarre narrative, due largely in part to you and Loch's tips. I can't post right now, but I will tomorrow. I promise.

[Kesshin]

Okay, another installment.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

While Kern and Pen were enjoying the fresh air, Eli did something rather puzzling. Bending down, he began scooping at the sand with his mammoth hands. Before he could get very far, he heard a shriek from his shoulder. "Eli, please! I'm going to fall!"
A very flustered Joyce was on the verge of tumbling from her perch. "Oops. Sorry." Gently, Eli set her back down on the sand and returned to his work. A question was starting to form on Pen's lips, asking him what he hoped to accomplish by digging in the sand, but she was stopped by a loud 'clunk'. Eli had hit something solid. Leaning in, Pen could see it was a huge metal door.
"Oh, no," she groaned, "Don't tell me."
"Yes," Eli answered happily. "My home's below ground."
With a sound like fingernails scratching a chalkboard, he lifted the door. "You first," he said, gesturing to Pen.
With a gloomy glare, she descended a ladder resting against the rim of the tunnel. Kern followed, no happier at going back into the earth than Pen was. Eli lowered Joyce down, and last of all, himself. He slammed the door shut behind them.

The development of my characters. This month's subject, Ralda Fang\Joyce Henson.
Ralda Fang\Joyce Henson: This character was the last major character I created. I got the idea for her from a Star Wars videogame my brother had been playing. *blushes* Yes, I know that's a little weird, but inspiration often hits you at odd moments. She developed in two stages:
Stage One: I decided I needed another character to help the story to move along, so I came up with the idea of a shape-shifting alien named Ralda Fang. Don't ask how I came up with that name; even I'm not entirely sure.
She was supposed to be a cool, slangy, gun-slinging bombshell. *laughs* When I look back on it now, I can't believe how much she's changed. Originally she was going to kind of lead Pen and Kern around, being older than them and more experienced. I thought to myself, 'This'll be great. When Laowra and company leave, she can take care of Kern and Pen. Things will work out perfectly.'
Then I realized that for stories to be interesting, things shouldn't always work out perfectly. So....
Stage Two: .... I changed her a bit. I intended it to be a minor change, she would still be a leader, but eventually she ended up being a sheltered rich girl. Now's she's really polite and gentle, and has an oddly formal speech pattern. I changed her speech to how it is today mostly because of Icarus. He said he liked how she talked when I first started writing this, and she was talking pretty formally back then. So I kicked it up a notch. Now she never even uses short words like 'Don't' and 'Can't'. *laughs* Boy, it's amazing how your characters can develop like that.

[Lochaber Axe]

That is one thing about our own characters... they will surprise even you at the end of thier story. In reality, we are recreating God's majesty in that He created us and yet we develop by ourselves. Gifted Writers get surprised by when it happens with our own characters. Maybe it was intended that way?

[Icarus]

Somehow, I missed one of your posts, namely, the last one of the previous page.

Have I mentioned that I love this story lately?

[Kesshin]

You're right, Loch; *smiles* I've never thought of it that way before. My characters have been surprising me a lot lately...
And I'm glad you love the story, Icarus. You had a part in helping me write it, you know. ^^ (see above installment)
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen’s eyes darted around nervously as the lid above them was closed. She started panicking as darkness enfolded them, until Eli flicked a light switch. Pen, Kern, and Joyce couldn’t help but smile in relief as they took in their surroundings. Eli’s house was small, but comfortable. Antique chairs were placed around the room they stood in, adding class to the other-wise limited decor. Half-closed doors branched off into other rooms, and Pen thought she could see a kitchen through one, and a bedroom through another. The closed one in the back, she supposed, was the bathroom.
“Now,â€

[true_noir_chloe]

Good stuff! ^_^ You have improved greatly. I have a comment and it's a common comment, I mean I'll catch myself doing this sometimes.

On this section:

>>Half-closed doors branches off into other rooms...<

change the word to "branched," so that it's in the proper tense.

Also:
[size=84]
>>A little sheepishly, Kern and Pen took their glasses and filled them to the brim with liquid. Then sitting down at the kitchen table, they started planning their next move.<<

Just write - and remember to always do this - Sheepishly, Kern and Pen.....

When you write phrases like, "a little sheepishly," you're being wishy-washy and non-commital, which makes the reader feel uneasy. It's something I learned when my first novel was being edited. Always be direct! Remember, when you're writing and when you go back through to edit, watch for words like, "just," "a little," "sort of," "kind of," "like," and I can go on; but, make sure there is a definite reason for those words; otherwise, be direct and commit to what's happening. Okay?

Okay, I just wanted to tell you that, and I have to say you've shown great improvement, and... I sincerely mean that.
[/size]

[Icarus]

[Kesshin]

Thanks for the advice, Chloe. I just edited it. ^^
I can't put up another installment now, but I will soon. The next one will have a special on Laowra.

[Kesshin]

New installment time.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Kern was the first to voice his opinion.
"Well, I think we should recuperate, then start forming plans to capture Henson. The factory's only a few miles off."
Pen shook her head. "No, I don't think that would be wise; not without Laowra's okay."
"And just how do we ask her for her approval? She's on the other side of the planet," Kern pointed out.
Eli cut in. "I do have an old video-phone in the back. It's a little dusty, but it still works. Would you three like to try that?"
All of them nodded.

Sorry that one was so short; I've been busy rping with Ann and UC. I know I promised a special on Laowra, but that will have to wait for next time. Again, I'm sorry....

[Kesshin]

A really long installment!! And I finally wrote that special on Laowra.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Eli disappeared into the back room, and came out with an old video-phone in his hands. He set it down onto the table with a resounding 'klunk'.
"There ya are. Talk away," he told them, grinning.
Kern scooted over to it, and dialed the number for the base of operations. It rang a couple of times before Sharon popped up on the screen. Somehow she looked older than the last time they had seen her.
“Hello?... Oh my.... Kern!â€

[Lochaber Axe]

I would advise not to use all capitalizing... ever... There are always different ways to show hysterics in dialogue, but all caps IS JUST TOO GLARING!!! IT TAKES AWAY FROM WHAT YOU ARE SAYING AND GIVES THE READER AN UNDERSTANDING THAT EITHER YOUR CAPS LOCK WAS STUCK, OR THAT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO PROPERLY DESCRIBE EMOTIONS!!!

It is just not good writing...

[Kesshin]

I'm sorry, Loch. *sighs*
I understand. But, otherwise, was it good? (by the way, I will go back and edit later).
I will post again after Easter.

[Lochaber Axe]

Its good of course, it describes Kern and Sheila's sort of mother and son relationship very well.

[Kesshin]

Sorry it’s taken so long, guys. I’ll try to make up for it in size.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Sharon returned, smiling through red-rimmed eyes. “So, it was wonderful seeing you, but you need your rest. I’ll be checking up in a couple of hours-“
Pen cut her off. “Wait, Sharon. Before you go, is there any way I can see Laowra?â€

[Kesshin]

More installments.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Laowra sighed, and seemed to look inward. "I've seen many people in my life, but none as enduring as Sheila. The fact that she's come this far; truly, it's amazing. But even she had a limit. There's only so far you can go on your own power, only so far you can go without help..."
Absent-mindedly she stroked something in her lap. Squinting, Pen could just make out the shape of the pixels. It was a book.
Pen grinned in recognition. Of course, it was forbidden for public schools to teach anything even remotely related to religion, but she just happened to go to a private one, and they made their own rules. Pen had learned early on in her education just what it was that had inspired Laowra Jarson to save her people.
"Is that what I think it is?" she questioned cautiously.
"What, this? This is my Bible," Seeing Pen's look, she added, "Yes, that Bible. If I could have one wish, it would be that Sheila might be open-minded enough... Well, never mind for now. Have I basically answered your question?"
Pen nodded. "Yes. Thanks."
"Sure. Anything else you wanted to discuss?"

Sorry I have to cut it off there. I'll write more later.

[Icarus]

Thank you.

As that could be confusing by itself, thank you for this story. It brightens my day every time you update.

[true_noir_chloe]

Wow, that was a long video-phone conversation. I wonder if they charged by the minute?

Okay, I like what you've written so far, Kesshin. You're moving along swimmingly.

I'm not going to do any editing, and I'm just reading right now. I want you to just be writing right now, so I'm just a reader now. Editing will have to come later.

[Kesshin]

Aw, T_T
Thank YOU, Icarus, for reading my aspiring writer ramblings. I'm so happy you enjoy them.

And thanks for being my reader, Chloe. As long as you keep reading, I'll keep writing.
I'll be posting another installment tomorrow.

[Lochaber Axe]

I think that I will also forego editing right now myself. Once the story is finished, I could do some editing in my spare time. Right now, I just don't have the time. This school year is really clumping together this last six weeks.

[Kesshin]

I know what you mean, Loch. I've got my fair share of work, myself...
Curse you, final semester, curse you!!

[Lochaber Axe]

By the time we get through college, we'll regret cursing these days. College and work are considerably different then what we go through today. It is a fact of life... to hate it.

[Kesshin]

*laughs* Hm, I suppose you're right. The workloads my teachers are dumping on me must be nothing compared to what I'll face later on. *shudders* College. But learning new things is fun, so it can't be all that bad.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen thought for a moment, “No, that’s about it. Thank you for your time; I know you must be tired, so-“
She stopped at Laowra’s look of bewilderment. “Why, did you expect me to ask more?â€

[Kesshin]

New installment.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen ran into the parlor, her face red. Joyce looked up cheerfully from her chair.
"Hello, Pen. How was your chat with Laowra?"
"You two certainly took long enough," Eli commented, "It's going to cost me a fortune in long distance bills."
Pen brushed her unruly hair from her face nervously. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know-"
Eli interrupted her, "Ah, I'm just foolin' with ya. Talk it up all you want; I don't mind."
Pen nodded, and addressed Joyce, "Where's Kern?"
Joyce's smile wilted, "I don't know.... I think he went outside. He was pretty upset."

[Kesshin]

New installments.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen plopped onto the couch, rubbing her eyes with her hands. She knew that she couldn't hold the tears in for long; she was going to lose it. It was only a question of how long that was going to take. She listened to Eli and Joyce chatting away, not really listening to what they were saying. After a few minutes, she felt better, and tried to join the conversation.
"This chair was brought over from earth from my grandfather," Eli smiled, patting the piece of furniture proudly, "It must be worth a fortune. Real wood, you see. None of that recycled stuff."
"That's cool," Pen commented, "I had an antique, myself. It was authentic denim, but it got burned up when-"
She stopped, her face pale. The tears were coming, and they wouldn't be stopped.
"Pen, are you all right?" Joyce asked worriedly.
Not pausing to answer, Pen ran for the portal to the surface. The light of the den faded, and was lost in the dark of the hallway. She climbed the ladder at the end of the path, and lifted the hatch. Outside the sun was setting, and the earth rose on the horizon. Pen wiped her eyes with a dirt-encrusted hand and let the wind rush past her face. She sat down on the ground. The air was beginning to chill, but the sand, still warm from the heat of the sun, made her able to bear it. Quiet filled her ears, and somehow the pain of all she had been through in the last few days lessened.

[Icarus]

Sorry I've not commented in a while, but unless something completely unforseen happens, I'll be here.