Ella's Poetry :)

[Ella Edric]

I just recently got into poetry. I was having some rough times and I realized poetry was a good outlet. And it's fun. So yeah, this is a poem I wrote:

This Heart

I know this heart it hurts,
But I've run out of tears to cry.

Can't trust him, can't trust her,
Can someone tell me why?

This heart is bleeding in my hands,
I've revealed it once again.

Only to be wounded by,
Those I trusted then.

This heart, this heart, it's bleeding.
I still can't find tears to cry.

The tears that I once cried before,
Those tears they have run dry.

Once again, once again,
I build up my wall.

So no one can, touch this heart,
Or wound it at all.

If you guys have any critisisms I welcome it.

[Rusty Claymore]

If you guys have any critisisms I welcome it.

Nooo! You've unleashed the beast!!! Haha, jk., jk. n.n
I really liked it a lot. For someone who's just getting into it, you did really well. You're already better than me, and I studied it a bit.

[Furen]

I find most of my friends vent best either that way or SCREAMING into their pillow and start mocking their self, so good thing you got into this instead of the other way...

[Ella Edric]

Nooo! You've unleashed the beast!!! Haha, jk., jk. n.n
I really liked it a lot. For someone who's just getting into it, you did really well. You're already better than me, and I studied it a bit.

Thanks! And I think youre really really good Rusty, so I disagree. XD

I find most of my friends vent best either that way or SCREAMING into their pillow and start mocking their self, so good thing you got into this instead of the other way...

Haha, yeah. I think it's better than screaming. Plus I think my family would freak out if I did that. XD lol

[Tamachan319]

Wonderful, Ella! I love it!
Not really a criticism, just a recommendation:I would recommend taking out the comma between "So no one can" and "touch this heart".
I repeat: Wonderful, Ella! I love it!

[Ella Edric]

Thanks Tama! and I shall take note of that. ^^

[acgifford]

Sis....That was awesome...I'm sure all of us have felt this one way at some point.

[Jawz]

i loved it sis! ^^ it's rlly good, bethy (:

[Ella Edric]

Thanks alot guys!

This is another poem I wrote.

Running

I've lost sight of whats right,
And I'm running in the black.

Darkness closing in on me,
I will not look back.

I can hear you knocking on my door,
My door to my heart.

I hear you, I ignore you,
And keep running in the dark.

I'm afraid to open up this door,
Afraid of what I'll find.

Afraid that you, the Lord are not,
What you say you are.

So I keep running in the black,
Farther and farther away.

Till I can't hear the sound
Of your knocking again...

Now I can feel my heart slipping...
Slipping, oh so fast.

I finally give up,
And it's over at last...

This one wasn't so emotionally inspired. And again, any critisisms are welcome!

[Phantom_Sorano]

Miss Cassie,

I very much adored your first poem. The subject-verb agreement was right on and the rhyme scheme simple and consistent. The second poem, however, lacks that same focus. The rhyme scheme bounces around and makes the piece more choppy. I suggest also some synonyms for repeating words and phrases. I'm sorry if this is harsh (I'm intolerably blunt), but those are the critiques of a person who has graded high school papers.

Lovely writing, my dear, keep it up!

[Ella Edric]

Miss Cassie,

I very much adored your first poem. The subject-verb agreement was right on and the rhyme scheme simple and consistent. The second poem, however, lacks that same focus. The rhyme scheme bounces around and makes the piece more choppy. I suggest also some synonyms for repeating words and phrases. I'm sorry if this is harsh (I'm intolerably blunt), but those are the critiques of a person who has graded high school papers.

Lovely writing, my dear, keep it up!

Thanks! And yeah, the poem that came more from the heart was better. XP Somehow its easier that way. Youre totally right about the second one tho. ^^

[Wind]

YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! your poetry is awesomenessess XD I really like it I might post a poem of mine soon

[acgifford]

good job sis! I agree with Soran on the critique.

[Ella Edric]

Okay finally got a poem that I'm comfortable posting here. Feel free to critique!


Hold me tight,
And never let me go.
Make time stop,
And always cease to flow.
I dont want this moment,
To ever leave.
The future that might be waiting,
I cannot percieve.
I cant see us together,
You and me,
Later in life,
Now you see.
So hold me tight,
In this moment forever,
Cause i know someday,
We cant be together.
My hearts so conflicted,
When you speak to me;
Your words like poison,
Yet sweet with glee.
So make time stop now,
So we can embrace this moment,
When you and me
Always have it.
And hold me tight.
Never let me go.
Make time stop,
And always cease to flow.

Some punctuation and grammar issues, but hey it works. XD

[DangoDaikazoku]

Since I'm one into writing more than poetry... I can't say much about the structure, or rhyming, or anything, but I like the way it seems to me. I really like the second and third one you wrote, I probably would like the first... but I'm lazy at this point in time, it being midnight, so I only skimmed it. Also, I'm into free verse right now (writting it that is). I like the flow of your poetry. I feel intrigued. I will probably read these tomorrow morning (when my brain isn't so swimmy). Until then!

[ABlipinTime]

hm.. Reminds me vaguely of the lyrics to a song I frequently listen to....