Kingdom Project Rube

[Cheetah]

This is a story that I came up with specifically to post here. I usually have trouble with being too cautious, as far as trying to remain realistic. I'm trying to go a different route with this. Please tell me if the story is enjoyable and intriguing and not too weird.
I need my writing style and story quality critiqued. I cannot stress enough that I want your honest opinion. You won't hurt my feelings by pointing things out. Encouragement is great, but I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what I need to work on and how. I want to improve. And remember, this isn't one of my most serious works, so if you don't like the story that's fine, but please critique the writing style. That's what I mostly want to improve on. Feel free to PM me if you would like.
If you guys like the story and are able to give me some stuff to work on then perhaps I will continue and try to apply people's suggestions as I go.
Thanks!

Chapter 1
The first thing he remembered was being very angry. Why? He had no idea. But he was. The feeling quickly faded away, and instead he felt dizzy and nauseous.
What happened? He wondered.
“Jett.” he heard someone say.
That's my name. He reminded himself. Jett.
“Jett.” the voice said again, more persistently this time.
Someone's talking to me. Who is it?
He recognized the voice, but he couldn't remember who it was.
Jett opened his eyes. He hadn't realized they were closed. He was in a dimly lit hut with three other people. Two of them were older men, perhaps in their thirties, wearing mottled brown hunter's clothes. They stood a short distance away, casually observing him and acting like they weren't.
The third person sat close to him. She had the same nut brown hair and bright blue eyes as him. She looked more concerned than the other two and Jett suddenly knew that it was her voice that he'd heard.
I know these people. Jett realized. He looked again at the two men.
The one had pale blonde hair, and was shorter and lithe looking. He reminded Jett of some kind of sprite. Jett knew there was a pair of long daggers up his sleeves and in each boot. That's Coniel. He remembered. He's my second lieutenant. A man of stealth.
The other man was taller, larger built and a bit older than Coniel. He had reddish-brown hair and a sour disposition. There was a giant broadsword at his left hip. Sygun. My first lieutenant. A man of action.
And the young woman sitting over him he knew better than anyone. Becci. My older sister.
“He's waking up.” she said to the other two.
“Bout time,” Sygun muttered.
“Are you alright, Jett?” Becci asked him.
Jett took a moment to gather his thoughts. His head pounded like the inside of a drum and the unfamiliar surroundings clashed with a sense of deja vu.
He had been here before, hadn't he? Yes. This was his hut.
“My apologizes, Commander,” said Coniel. “I'm afraid it was due to my negligence that you were injured.”
“What are you talking about?” Jett asked, “What happened?”
“You let your guard down!” Sygun said harshly. “And in the middle of an ambush too.”
“My unit did not secure the soldiers quickly enough.” Coniel intervened. “One of them slipped by my defenses and you were struck from behind.”
“Ambush?” Jett struggled to remember what they were talking about.
“Don't worry.” Becci spoke reassuringly, “All of the prisoners were rescued. And there were no casualties on our side. Now tell me how you feel, brother.”
“Do you need anything, Commander?” Coniel asked.
Commander. That's right. I'm the infamous leader of the Skymore Knights. The small army of resistance fighters who oppose the rule of King Elier.
All at once it felt like a crushing weight was dropped on him.
I'm the leader of a rebellion. Just today I ambushed a small troupe of soldiers in order to rescue some of our captured comrades. There are over two hundred men scattered throughout Rube who are willing to follow me into battle. That is, so long as I remain strong.
Sygun's disgusted comment came back to Jett. "You let your guard down! In the middle of an ambush!"
Jett's stomach lurched, but he ignored the feeling. He had to remain strong in the eyes of his men. Even though he didn't feel in the least bit like the leader here.
“I'm fine.” he said, brushing his sister away and pushing himself up. “I want a report on everything that happened.”
Jett had intended to stand, but when everything went black and a hammer struck his brain he decided that sitting up would have to do. He swung his feet over the side of the cot he was on and listened as Coniel and Sygun shared the responsibility of reporting the details of the ambush, before and after Jett was knocked out by a soldier with a rock.
Ten soldiers were killed and five escaped.
“The rebels we rescued are being cared for, but we need to get moving soon.” said Sygun. “Lord Bryge will be sending trackers. It won't be long before they find this place.”
“I took the liberty of choosing a rendezvous point and sending the rest off.” Coniel added. "But Sygun is right. We need to move."
"You think you can manage?" Becci asked.
"It doesn't really matter." Sygun said impatiently, "We have to get out of here. Now! Whether you can manage or not."
Becci was about to argue but Jett stopped her.
Agreed." he said, standing to his feet. He noticed that he was wearing clothing similar to Sygun's and Coniel's, except that his were all black. "Let's go."
"Yes, sir." Coniel answered, sounding relieved.
Jett looked up, about to say something else, but Coniel had already left, and Sygun was following him out the door.
"Here." Becci said, holding up a short sword inside a roughly made leather sheath.
Jett hesitated before he remembered that the sword was his. He thanked her as he took it.
"I know you have to be tough and all, especially in front of those two," Becci said as she strung her bow. "And especially in front of Sygun,"
Jett was glad that she turned away because he was having trouble remembering how the sword was meant to be worn. He couldn't get it to fit at his side as Sygun's was.
"But I will never think any less of you just for having a bad day." Becci continued, securing her quiver to her belt. "You can tell me anything."
"Right." Jett answered, not really paying attention. He remembered at the last moment that he always wore his sword on his back.
Becci faced Jett again just as he was finished.
"Alright... let's go." he said awkwardly.
"Too late." Coniel said as he burst back into the hut.
Sygun was right behind him. "Out the window."
"What is it? What happened?"
Coniel opened the window and slipped through, motioning for the rest to follow.
"Go." Sygun said, giving Jett a firm shove towards the window.
Jett held his questions for later and followed Coniel.
The moment Jett was through the window he froze. The world outside was nothing like he had expected. They were standing on a giant tree branch, about a hundred feet wide. The trunk was in front of him, behind the hut. It towered high above him, with even more branches the higher up it went. They twisted around each other in an impossible tangle, growing so thick higher up that Jett couldn't even see the sky. It was his home. He had spent most of his life in this forest. So, why did he feel he was suddenly looking at it for the first time?
"Let's go." Becci said, grabbing his hand.
Jett hadn't even noticed her and Sygun climbing through the window behind him. Coniel was already standing at the trunk, slipping on a pair of thick, leather gloves.
"Hurry, Jett." Becci whispered, pulling him forward. As they hurried to where Coniel was, Becci and Sygun slipped on their own gloves.
Jett saw them pull the gloves from their belts. He checked his own belt and sure enough there was a pair of black gloves tucked underneath. They were thick, appeared to need tied on with the leather cords attached, and they had bits of claw shaped metal on the palms. With them was a pair of larger, curved spikes on a thick strip of leather.
Jett found tying the gloves around his wrists to be slightly awkward, but he managed to get them tight.
When they reached Coniel he was tying the leather strips to his boots, with the metal spikes on the balls of his feet. Jett watched the way he and the others tied the cords around their feet and half way up their legs, making them tight. He followed their example, trying to figure out what was going on.
"I'll go first." Coniel said.
Jett was about to ask him where they were going when Coniel found some handholds on the trunk of the tree and hauled himself up. Using the claws of his gloves and boots to dig into the bark of the tree, he made his way around the enormous tree trunk.
Jett's eyes widened. He stepped as close to the edge of the tree branch as he dared and peered over the side. The trunk of the tree disappeared into darkness. At least where they were now there was light seeping in through the leaves above. There were hardly any branches below either. Any slip ups would result in falling to one's death.
"No way." Jett breathed, trying to fathom how anyone could be foolish enough to travel this route. Yet somehow he could remember doing this before. When he and Becci were just kids.
"Wait, Jett!" Becci squealed, clutching the side of the tree fearfully. She was twenty feet to his right and slightly below him. He groaned when he looked back and saw her. As the older sister she was supposed to be taking care of him. He crawled around the trunk back to Becci. He let go of the tree with one hand, placing it comfortingly on her shoulder. "It's alright, Bec." he said. "You made it this far. I'm right here, so I'll make sure you don't fall."
"No." Becci's voice shook with fear. "If I fall then there's nothing you can do to stop it. I'm going back."
"Come on, Jett." Becci urged. She was already on the tree, using one hand to motion for him to follow.
I'm supposed to be the leader. Jett reminded himself. He couldn't let this daunt him. He had to pull himself together.
Taking a deep breath and making sure he didn't look down, Jett grabbed the tree. The metal claws sank into the wood and gave him a sense of security. He picked up one foot at a time, securing them in the bark. The next thing he knew he was edging his way around the tree, searching ahead of him for decent handholds while keeping an eye on Becci. Sygun came up behind him and impatiently urged him on when he thought he was going too slow. As a result, Jett was forced to go much faster than he was comfortable with. But somehow he made it to the other side of the trunk without incident. The nearest branch on this side was above them, but Coniel had already begun a steady descent. Becci followed his lead without hesitation.
"Where are we going?" Jett asked Sygun with confusion. There were no branches below them. Were they going to climb all the way down?
"Away from those trackers behind us." Sygun growled, "Now hurry."
Jett watched Coniel curiously as he followed him. The other man stopped just a little bit above the branch of another tree before letting go with one hand and twisting around till he was facing away from the trunk.
"You gotta be kidding me." Jett moaned, realizing what Coniel was about to do just before he did it.
The second lieutenant kicked off of the tree, turning his body as he did so. His hands just barely caught the side of the lower branch. He slid down about two feet before his gloves and boots caught hold and stopped him. He quickly climbed up the side and stood on top of the branch, ready to assist Becci as she made the jump.
Sygun nudged Jett, nearly giving him a heart attack.
"Keep going."
Jett continued his descent, even as Becci leaped away from the tree. Coniel caught her hand and jerked her backwards onto the branch. Somehow Jett knew that He couldn't expect Coniel to help him. He was heavier than Becci. The second lieutenant wouldn't be able to pull him in that easy.
There was a loud scrabbling sound behind them, combined with low growling and hissing. Jett flinched at the crack of wooden timbers being snapped.
"Timrith dragons." Sygun groaned. "We've got to get out of sight before they're done destroying the huts."
Jett had a vision of large lizard like animals with long bodies and longer tails. They could leap huge distances, easily navigating through the forest. They could climb ten times faster than any of them, and were large enough to carry a heavily armored soldier with ease. If they saw the four of them there would be no escape. Vague memories of their razor sharp claws and spiked tails were the perfect motivation for Jett. He hastened his descent until he reached the spot that Coniel had jumped from.
He took a deep breath before letting go with one hand. His heart raced even faster as he let his body hang out over nothingness, his feet braced up against the tree. The blackness beneath him looked even farther than before. Everything inside him told him to go back, but Jett focused on the tree branch, let go of the trunk and used his feet to spring outward as far as he could. He was surprised to get even farther out than Coniel had. He twisted around perfectly, suddenly feeling as if he had done this a hundred times before. It was a thrilling moment, mixed with fear and confidence. He dug into the branch, which was smoother than the tree trunk, but easier for his claws to dig into. He slid a little over a foot. Once he had come to a stop he hung to the side of the branch for a moment, allowing himself a moment to breath deeply. His heart pounded so hard it was painful. But his headache was completely gone and he felt very much alive.
"Wow." he said in a low whisper.
It was a short climb from there to the top of the branch. Coniel and Becci had ran ahead to the base of the branch. Jett heard the scraping sound of Sygun making the jump behind him. He peered over the edge to make sure the heavier first lieutenant had caught hold okay. Sygun had slid farther than the rest, but just managed to get himself stopped before it was too late. He was now strongly climbing up.
Jett looked up to examine the path they had taken. He was in awe that he had actually managed to make it. The excitement he felt over his accomplishment was instantly dampened by the sight of a large beast scurrying around the trunk of the tree. It stopped halfway and fixed it's eyes on Jett.
"Oh, no." said Jett as a shiver went down his spine.
Sygun reached the top and turned to look behind, just as the huge lizard made a loud chirping sound. The soldier strapped to the saddle looked ahead and caught sight of what his mount had seen. He flattened himself against the creature's back and the timrith dragon darted forward with incredible speed, climbing sideways across the tree trunk.
Sygun growled angrily and drew his sword. "We'll have to kill it." he said.
It made sense. They certainly couldn't escape it now. But Jett was horrified by the thought of fighting that beast.
"Draw your sword!" Sygun told him.
Jett snapped himself out of his terrified daze and reluctantly drew his sword. He remembered fighting. He remembered killing. But somehow he had forgotten how it was done.
This can't be happening. This can't be real. It can't be me. I remember doing this before, but it doesn't feel like I did.
Jett had the strange sensation that he was playing the part of someone else. He felt like a stranger to himself. Time seemed to stop as he struggled to come to his senses. He had to get back to normal, or they were all going to die.
The dragon leaped from the tree trunk and came hurtling towards him.
"God, please help us."

It was raining. Sloan looked up at the night sky angrily.
So, this is Rube?
He touched his cloak, already thoroughly soaked. He was wet through to the bone. Water poured down his face and dripped from his black hair.
Just as miserable as I thought it would be. He surmised, his mood as dark as the moonless night.
A flash of lightning lit up the landscape. With the wind blowing as it was, the tops of the giant timrith trees spread out before him looked like the surface of the sea during a storm. There were a few random, snarled tree tops rising above the rest. There was a faint light coming from inside the forest, probably from the campfires of some troupe.
I suppose I should go there. He decided with complete lack of motivation.
All this fuss over Rube. It's still nothing like home. He thought to himself, still standing on the edge of the rocky cliff at the edge of the forest, It doesn't feel right. Was coming here the right decision? I've only been here a few minutes, and I already can't stand it.
The thought of spending the rest of his life here made Sloan shudder. Perhaps he should try and go back.
No. Sloan bowed his head, resigning himself to his fate. This is my fault to begin with. For his sake, I must stay. With that Sloan began walking, a single goal pushing him forward.
"Now to find the Skymore Knights." Sloan murmured, "Before they get themselves killed."

[Lynna]

So first of all, I have to ask, have you ever watched Avatar: The Last Airbender? Because in it there is a character named Jet, who is also a rebel, and also lives in a tree. I'm not calling plagerism or anything, because sometimes mistakes just happen, but you might want to consider changing Jet's name. Right now it doesn't matter, though, because you're not trying to publish it or any thing.
As for the story itself...beginnings are probably the hardest part of the book. Sometimes they even seem harder than the ending. This beginning is rough, but that's to be expected, so don't worry about it too much at the moment.
For one thing, I know they've just been introduced, but I have a hard time caring about the characters. They don't feel very well developed. This is something you should keep in mind as you write the story. Who exactly is Jet? What makes him a compelling character that people will want to read about?

Jett had the strange sensation that he was playing the part of someone else. He felt like a stranger to himself. Time seemed to stop as he struggled to come to his senses. He had to get back to normal, or they were all going to die.

This BETTER be a major plot point.
Why?
When I started reading this, the first thing that annoyed me was exposition/infodumping. That is, just putting information down in an attempt to lay out the scene/tell us who the characters are, but done for no reason other than exactly that. Now, sometimes you can't avoid this, but eve when you can't show the info instead of telling it, it's best to put the info where it more naturally fits inside the story.
However, then I began to realise that it was possible that Jett had a minor form of amnesia, which makes a lot of sense, because normally if someone is hit in the head hard enough to knock them out they could quite easily have at least minor brain damage. Fiction usually ignores this, so its great that you're using it to your advantage. This is, so far, what makes the story the most compelling. Could Jet have forgotten something really, really important, so that he'll have to struggle throughout the story to remember it? How will he overcome the problems caused by his amnesia/whatever ? This could make a really good story. So if the amnesia was only supposed to be a way of explaining the exposition...well, I can't say I won't be more than a little disappointed.
Even with the amnesia, though, I felt like some stuff could have been explained more clearly. For example, the description of them climbing down the trees...I don't know why, it just seemed a bit boring.
Other things you might want to include are: Why are these people rebelling? What makes the Kingdom they are fighting so terrible? Why is Jet the commander of the Skymore Knights?
Anyways, that's All I got for now. Sorry if this was a little discouraging. I think this could be a really great story, but its hard to tell right now, especially since stories about rebels are quite common. I look forward to reading more

[Cheetah]

Thanks a lot, Lynna. I have seen avatar and you're right. I didn't realize it as I was writing it. I will consider changing Jett's name on the off chance that I ever want to publish this story. It was completely unintentional. Thank you for pointing that out. The forest is only one of many hideouts the rebellion has, it's not really their home.
Yes, I know the beginning is rough:) An example of my poor writing skills. I especially have a tough time with beginnings.
Description may be my biggest downfall. I can't seem to show without telling.

When I started reading this, the first thing that annoyed me was exposition/infodumping. That is, just putting information down in an attempt to lay out the scene/tell us who the characters are, but done for no reason other than exactly that. Now, sometimes you can't avoid this, but eve when you can't show the info instead of telling it, it's best to put the info where it more naturally fits inside the story.

I understand what you're saying, but could you give an example? What changes would you make to the story?

I'm glad that you were compelled in some small way. That's encouraging:) Rest assured, Jett's amnesia is a huge part of the story, Though it may not always appear to be throughout the story.

The tree... yes. That is boring. I love action stories, but have a hard time writing action. What would you do to draw out the excitement? Would you say that I'm using too many common expressions, such as, "his heart pounded in his chest". Or am I not using enough? Now that I look back over it, I could have made Jett a lot more nervous. Technically, he had done that exact same thing many times and is naturally good at it, but in this particular instance it's supposed to be like he's doing it for the first time. I think I made him catch on way too quickly. Would you agree? Was his random memory too abrupt and confusing?

Other things you might want to include are: Why are these people rebelling? What makes the Kingdom they are fighting so terrible? Why is Jet the commander of the Skymore Knights?

These are things that even Jett needs to relearn, but they will be explained soon.

Yes, rebel stories are common. I usually try to avoid cliches unless I'm trying to put an interesting twist on them. Again, this is just for critiquing purposes.

Thank you very much for posting. No, it wasn't discouraging. I'm very grateful to get an honest opinion. Just plain encouragement would not help me to improve. Obviously you don't have to, but if you could give some examples, that would be awesome. I'm glad you think it has some potential. I hope it doesn't end up a disappointment, but with me as the author I wouldn't be surprised:) Thanks!