Short Story

[ClaecElric4God]

Author's note: Since the person who will be offended by this has already read it, I will now waste my time writing a disclaimer.
*If anyone has an issue with the believability of this chunk, I will stare at them for a moment, then direct them to the rest of this story and the level of believability it has portrayed up to this point. If they continue to protest and argue their point, trying to advocate a more realistic turn this story could have taken, I will quietly laugh at them and then move on with my life.*


Crossfire smiled evilly, then snapped his fingers. On cue, the martial arts dudes started slowly advancing on Wolf. Wolf's eyes darted back and forth, taking in her opponents. After a few seconds of assessing, Wolf suddenly lashed out at the guy on the far left, doing a tiger claw that left him gasping for air, clutching his throat. Wolf smirked, ducking a kick from the next opponent. In the same fluid motion, she used a snap kick on him, sending him skidding backwards. The air knocked out of him, he was still for a moment while he recovered. In the mean time, Wolf was already ready for the next attacker, incapacitating him with a jump kick. She was a second too late for the next attack, which came in the form of a punch, directed at her face. Jerking her head to the side at the last second, it instead grazed her cheek. But the impact was still forceful, and Wolf jumped back quickly, shaking her head and re-orientating herself. But her rest was short, and soon two opponents were approaching at once. Wolf hesitated a moment, then did a jump spin kick that sent the first guy flying into the other guy, their heads cracking against each other.
After a few minutes and a lot of kicks, dodges, blocks, and other assorted stuff from both sides, Wolf and the final Krav Maga fighter stood facing each other. Wolf was panting heavily, struggling to keep her composure, she was exhausted, and it showed. A few well-placed attacks had left her injured as well, and she looked like she was having a hard time hiding how hurt she really was. I pounded a fist against the wall, growling in frustration. All Wolf would have to do was go into wolf form, and she'd be instantly rejuvenated. Which was super convenient and something I really wished I could do. But I knew Wolf, and her stubbornness would keep her from backing down. She'd decided that she was going to finish this with Taekwondo, and there was no way she was going to have it any other way.
Her opponent, on the other hand, was the picture of health. Anticipating Wolf's superiority, this particular guy had held back from the fight, letting his comrades wear Wolf down. And now that she was exhausted, it looked like it would be an easy fight. If only there was something I could do...
But Wolf wasn't about to give up. The attacker threw a punch at Wolf, but she did a palm block, shoving his arm aside. In the same move she brought a downward kick on his collarbone. This was followed by a grunt from her opponent, indicating the success of her attack. Wolf grinned, regaining some of her energy. She jumped back to avoid a series of deadly kicks, dancing lightly on her feet as she waited for her moment. Finally she saw an opening, and with lightning speed she performed a perfect spinning hook kick that left the guy sprawled on the ground, out cold.
Wolf took one deep breath, wiping sweat from her brow. Grinning wildly, she sent a victorious glance toward H-sama, who looked sufficiently infuriated. In a shimmering flash, Wolf was back in the form of her namesake, in all her strength and glory.
From the balcony overhead, a clapping sound came. All of our heads went up to see Dox sitting cross-legged on the railing, with his swords in his lap, resting on his shoulder. He was clapping dramatically, doing this weird silent cheering thing. Needless to say, it was weird.
“Way to go, Wolfy,” he praised, grasping one sword and giving it a spin. “I thought you were a goner for a second there.”
“Thanks,” Wolf shot back sarcastically. “You could have helped me then.”
“Nah, watching was too much fun,” he replied with a grin. “Besides, you somehow survived.”
Wolf didn't reply, just rolled her head expressively.
“You two are impossible,” I interrupted before they could get going. “And Wolf, what was that about? You really need to be more careful.” Stepping out from behind the boxes that had exploded next to me, I gave Wolf a disapproving look.
“You worry too much, Claec,” she replied casually. “I had it all under control.”
“Yeah, right,” I tossed back, trying to be stern. But I was really proud of her.
“Enough!” Crossfire's angry yell brought our attention back to the situation at hand. “Do not mock me! Just because your underhanded tricks have claimed a small victory, does not change your fate.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, waving a hand dismissively. “You'll crush us, right? We get that.”
“Yeah, we're totally done for,” Wolf agreed.
“Shaking in our boots,” Dox thirded, standing up and doing a flip to land on his feet on the main floor. Coming to stand in a position that spaced him, Wolf, and myself evenly apart, surrounding H-sama and his remaining forces, Dox tossed his swords in the air, catching them in the opposite hands.
“Show us what you've got,” I challenged. “H-sama.”

[ClaecElric4God]

Wow, I can't believe this took me almost a year to finish. Talk about serious procrastination. Anyways, Wolf, this is my birthday present to you, since I won't be here tonight. Sorry about that.
Thanks all of you for bearing with me all this time. It was a blast to write, and I appreciate that none of you killed me for my awful portrayal of your characters.
I still can't believe I did this, to be honest. It's so random. But I'm glad I did, and that I have friends that I can do this with. You guys are all (yes, I'm even talking about you, H-sama; believe it or not) awesome. Hope you've enjoyed this at least half as much as I did. It's awful, I know.

I leaned forward and rested my hands on my knees, completely exhausted. This wasn't good... Glancing around, I caught sight of Wolf also hanging her head, looking a bit fatigued. Even though she'd regained a lot of her energy by transforming back into wolf form, her wolf form had also seen a lot of action today, too. She'd already fought the Gundam earlier. She was starting to wear down, too.
Dox looked as energetic as ever, but that maniacal light was fading out of his eyes, and his actions weren't as quick and fluid as earlier. Though he'd be the last one to go down, Dox couldn't last forever, either.
“What can we do?” I whispered, gritting my teeth in frustration.
“You can always give up,” Crossfire sneered, standing a few paces away. Unlike us, he wasn't in the least bit worn out. In fact, he hadn't yet lifted a finger against us. Just when I thought we had the upper hand, he'd summoned a large group of Transformers from somewhere in the back of the factory. We hadn't even had time to recover from the surprise before they were upon us, and it was all we could do to keep them at bay. I was afraid to find out what trump card H-sama might have up his sleeve, even if we did manage to defeat the Transformers. After all, I wasn't certain of his own personal abilities, and he hadn't expended any energy at all. This was starting to look hopeless.
[insert Song of Storm and Fire]
“Claec!” Dox yelled. My head jerked up, and I looked over to where he was standing, pointing one sword at me as he casually deflected an attack with the other. “Don't you dare give up!”
“But...” I said quietly, looking away.
“No!” He yelled all the more forcefully. “This isn't over yet. We've beaten at least 60% of these guys; we're almost done!”
My eyes widened as I looked at Dox. Such confidence....Although it didn't make much sense because 60% isn't anywhere near done. But seeing the determination in his eyes, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that. I didn't want to quench that fire, wherever it was coming from.
“If you can't do this, then sit aside and watch the masters,” then he narrowed his eyes. “But don't ask us to give up. I know we can still do this.”
Crouching down, Dox sprang into the air, on top of one of the robots. With a yell of determination, he drove both swords into it with all his might, then tore them out viciously. Springing off the one, he launched himself straight at the chest of the next one. Before he even made contact, he was spinning in a deadly spiral that sent his swords tearing through the hard metal like a hot knife through butter. Dox dropped to the ground from there, darting under the Transformer and heading for the next one.
“It's not over just yet!” He yelled as he ran, all his vigor somehow randomly renewed.
[Okay, enough music]
I nodded, more to myself than Dox. I wasn't about to be shown up by some punk. It didn't matter if his youth gave him way more energy and stamina, or that he had two incredibly sharp swords that he was really good at using. Other than all those advantages, there was no reason for him to outperform me.
“He's right!” Wolf yelled from the other side of the room. She was latched onto a robot, viciously tearing it to pieces. There was an eerie glow in her eyes that made her...pretty creepy actually. But it was effective, so I couldn't complain. “You're the one who got all of us together and made this happen. Have a little more faith in yourself; and in all of us! We're far from beaten!”
With that, Wolf sank her fangs into the heart of the mecha she was destroying, tearing out vital parts. Before it could crash to the ground, Wolf leaped backwards off of it, spinning on her hind legs to face off with her next attacker. With the speed of light (or something close to it because it's not scientifically possible to go the speed of light because you'd have to be virtually nonexistent), Wolf dove at the Transformer, tearing right past it. At first it looked like she'd missed her target, until it exploded into bits. Wolf stood there looking awesome for a second as the pieces rained down around her, but in a second she was back in the fray, taking on the next one.
All I could do was shake my head in disbelief. Wolf wasn't that much younger than me, so what was my excuse now? Where were these guys getting all their energy?
“Well,” I said, breathing in deeply. “Looks like I'd better get busy if I'm going to keep up.”
Closing my eyes, I crouched down, ready to get to business. Crossfire was staring at me with an unreadable expression, but it changed to one of surprise when I suddenly disappeared. Though I didn't really disappear. That kind of power would be awesome, but yeah...I can't do that. In reality, I simply mingled with my surroundings and ghosted through the shadows. I knew that dealing with H-sama was going to be the main objective. By the looks of it, Wolf and Dox had the remainder of the Transformers rounded up, but if we didn't take care of their leader, he would undoubtedly just keep calling out more reinforcements until we were too worn out to stand. Because regardless of what anime portrays, real people only have so many random and inexplicable come-backs-from-complete-exhaustion-to-complete-rejuvenation in them. And I knew that I for one had about reached my limit.
“Enough of this!” I yelled, heading right for H-sama. He turned in the direction of my voice, and I realized I'd kind of ruined the element of surprise by yelling out my attack. Huh, something to avoid in the future. H-sama deftly sidestepped my attack, giving me a look of disdain.
“Is that really all there is to your power?” He asked. “It's a wonder you lasted at all against Swordguy.”
“Why is that guy on your side?” I asked, jumping out of the way to avoid a casual grenade toss in my direction. I ignored the explosion off to the side, glaring at Crossfire. “I didn't take him for the pure evil type.”
“Haha, he doesn't work for anyone,” Crossfire said. “Even you should know that. I asked him to help me out in the name of sour cream, and he obliged. Unfortunately, his lack of loyalty caused him to let you escape when he had you in his grasp, but I'll fix that shortly.”
And with that, he simply...walked away. I stopped short, trying to figure out what he was planning. Was he retreating? Had he finally realized that we were just too awesome and he was in way over his head? That seemed...a bit over his level of intelligence.
“Well, I'm glad you finally came to your senses, H-sama.” I jeered.
“Eh?” He asked, turning back to me. “What makes you think I was out of them?”
“Because...” I was so confused, why did he still look so sure of himself all of a sudden?
“I'm not running away, if that's what you think,” he said. Then he got this thoughtful expression on his face, like he was confused about something; which made two of us. But in a second, his eyes brightened, like a light bulb coming on.
“Oh, yes!” He said excitedly, and started digging through his pockets. He pulled out what looked like a piece of paper. “I thought I left it in the office, but I had it with me all along.”
H-sama held the paper out for me to see, but he was too far away for me to read it.
“Just spit it out already,” I said in irritation. I wanted to get this over with, before Wolf and Dox finished there stuff and started making fun of me. I was going to prove that I could handle one guy at least as well as they could handle 30 Transformers.
“If that's really what you want.” Crossfire warned, suddenly looking really sinister. I kind of realized that no, that was not what I wanted. But it was too late to take it back. Before I knew what he was doing, Crossfire reached into his coat and pulled out...what?!
I dove for cover just in time to avoid a series of bullets launched in my direction.
“What are you thinking?!” I yelled. “That's totally illegal!”
“Hahahahaha!” H-sama threw his head back with maniacal laughter, his arms raised in the sky. In his hand was a shiny, deadly pistol.
“I knew it,” I said under my breath. “He's finally lost it.”
“No, I've far from lost it,” he said, regaining his composure and aiming his pistol in my direction. “In fact, I've won it. I've won the right to carry a firearm!” And with that, he started laughing maniacally again, shooting haphazardly in my direction. It was all I could do to outrun the bullets.
“No way...” I said quietly. That was impossible. Wasn't it almost impossible to go through all the paperwork and stuff to do that in Canada? Were the Mounties losing their grip on Canada?
I shook my head. I didn't have time to worry about that right now. What mattered at the moment was that my arch-nemesis now carried a deadly weapon, and all I had was a flyswatter and a pocket knife.
“Okay, you can do this, Claec,” I said to myself. But before I had a chance to recover, there was a loud crashing sound, followed by the giant door in front exploding inward. In crashed Panda, BL, Cheetah, and Kone. They didn't seem phased by the vast destruction they'd caused. They were completely absorbed in whatever they were doing. Which was a major four-on-one battle between them and Swordguy. I was shocked to realize that he didn't even have any additional forces. He was managing to keep all of them at bay on his own. And while they were holding their own, they definitely didn't have the upper hand.
It seemed the explosion had been caused by BL and her food chaos. Either that or Cheetah had messed with a warp hole and shorted the universe out or something. Panda was giving it everything she had, throwing one attack after another with her awesome ninja skills. It seemed her attacks were effective, because Swordguy wasn't letting her get too close. Kone used the element of surprise and the confusion caused by her comrades to attack, but Swordguy's sharp senses made that less effective than it would have been in a normal fight. Cheetah warped from one spot to another, and to a normal opponent, it would have been completely unpredictable. But Swordguy seemed to know exactly where she would appear, deflecting all of her attacks with adult-like ease.
Really, it was anyone's guess how this would end. But like us, the others seemed to be wearing down too, in spite of their valor and determination. Too bad they'd missed Dox's pep talk of rejuvenation.
In my distraction, I managed to completely forget about my own battle. Shots cracking over my head brought me back to the reality of the position I was in, and I ducked down. How was I going to solve the dilemma before me? Now that there were so many of us in the room, H-sama's attacks were dangerous to more than just me. I needed to end this quickly.
Ghosting into the shadows, I worked my way around H-sama. He'd obviously lost track of me, as he peered into the shadows of the crates and boxes, shooting randomly. None of his shots were near me, though, so I pressed on with confidence. Finally I was behind him, and without shouting this time, I sprinted toward him, asparagus in hand. Don't ask. I found a box of asparagus while I was sneaking around and thought it might come in handy. Before he could react, the asparagus made contact with the back of Crossfire's head. Just when he spun around, I jammed my elbow into his side. Darting out of the way at the last second, I narrowly avoided another round of gunshots. But a clicking sound told me he'd run out of bullets, and he was rummaging through his pockets looking for more ammo. Obviously he still wasn't used to carrying a real weapon. I debated whether to take this opportunity to finish him off, but then out of the corner of my eye, I saw the others heading toward me. Obviously each of them had finished their respective battles, and in a heartbeat we had Crossfire surrounded. When he finally replaced the clip in his pistol, the dictator of the Nauzis was completely overwhelmed. He held his pistol out in front of him, waving it around as he tried to figure out what to do. It was then I realized that we didn't have the upper hand at all. We were at a stale mate. If we advanced, he was bound to fire, but if he fired first, we'd overwhelm him. Everyone stood stock still, trying to figure out what to do. Then it came to me. We still had the advantage!
Looking around, I tried to find Cheetah. If she could open a warp under H-sama and drop him into it without him suspecting a thing, we could end this quickly and without any threat to ourselves.
But...Cheetah was nowhere to be found...
“Hey, Panda,” I turned to Panda, who was standing next to me, while trying not to take my eyes off of H-sama. “Where's Cheetah.” Which reminded me, how had they so quickly defeated Swordguy, who hadn't seemed that close to losing.
“Oh, yeah,” Panda said. “She challenged Swordguy to a one-on-one duel or something, and he agreed. I would have stopped them, but she dropped him into a warp hole and then disappeared herself.”
I sighed. That was just like her. She did have this awe and respect for Swordguy, and she would totally challenge him to a duel to see if she could match his strength. But though she'd managed to remove one of our worst problems, she'd also ruined any chance of my plan working. Now I had to figure out another way to end this.
“Well, this was fun.” Crossfire said, replacing his pistol in its holster. “But it's time we brought this little game to a close, don't you agree?”
“Wha...?” I was frozen, uncertainty keeping me from doing anything. He left himself so open, as if asking to be beaten, but he still had an air of confidence that made me really nervous. He was up to something.
Before I could warn them to wait, everyone simultaneously ran at H-sama with epic battle cries. I threw a hand out, but I was too late. Suddenly a trapdoor opened under Crossfire, and he was gone. Everyone froze, completely confused. And it was only a fraction of a second before I realized what exactly was happening. But too late. A ominous clattering noise was heard overhead, and before we could react, a giant cage dropped down over us, completely blocking us in. In a frenzy, Dox and Wolf attacked the bars with brute force, but to no avail. It was made of some sort of impenetrable whatsit. There was no escape....
On the other side of the bars, a hole opened in the floor, out of which rose the triumphant Crossfire, on some sort of elevator thing that made him look all cool and stuff. He was smirking evilly, and I wanted nothing more than to whack him upside the head right about now. He'd completely fooled us, even when we'd come so close to victory. And without Cheetah to warp us out, we were well and truly trapped.
“Haha, you guys all look so stupid!” H-sama laughed, sounding like a little kid. “You're all ridiculous to think that you could ever beat me and the power of sour cream!”
He went on laughing and making a fool of himself for a little bit, but then regained his composure.
“I hope you've all learned your lesson, ignorant Americans.” And with that he turned and walked away.
“Well, that was..disappointing.” Dox sighed, sheathing his swords.
“But it was fun while it lasted, right?” Kone offered cheerfully.
“Yeah, we all got to be awesome!” BL added.
“We'll get them next time!” Panda encouraged.
“Yeah, don't worry, Claec.” Wolf came over and placed a hand on my shoulder. “This isn't over yet. We'll make a comeback. We'll show them that we're stronger than sour cream.”
I looked around at all of them, and realized that even now, none of them had given up. There was still so much to be done. Someday, we would defeat sour cream, and Crossfire along with it. We'd prove that America was still awesome.
“You're right, you guys.” I nodded, so grateful for all my awesome friends. “This isn't over yet.”
This was only the beginning...

After that, we all had the Daisy tune stuck in our heads for weeks. Dox never let me hear the end of it, and the days that Odd showed himself were a welcome relief. Wolf spent way too much time coming up with battle strategies and talking about what we could have done better the time before. I often found the others practicing and honing their skills, and there was no doubt I would have all of them with me for the next rebellion. We never did find out what happened with Cheetah, but when we arrived at the Daisy Compound, she was already there, humming happily to herself.
I heard that Crossfire beefed up his defenses, which gave me a bit of satisfaction. It meant that we really had given him a run for his money, and had him on his toes. And I was ready for him. Someday, we'd have our one-on-one, and maybe I'd have developed some ability that could counter his new-found pistol wielding skills.
After all, we were the Sour Cream Rebellion. When we set our minds to something...nothing could stop us.

[Panda4christ:3]

You used the asparagus thing XD
So I just realized after reading the part where we burst through the door that me, kone, BL, and cheetah all have animals in our usernames D:
but this was beautimous ending <3 now write the sequel
I think it might even be fanart worthy XD;;

[Oddood198]

Well done, Onee-chan. Well done indeed. A gripping story of passion, sacrifice, loss, hope, and righteous anger. A compelling tale that would strike a chord in the hearts of all those who despise sour cream, and showed that any person, even some stranger online, can make for a comrade and brother-in-arms against such evils. While it may have not had a triumphant end, it was one filled with hope, one that would inspire even those who have fallen in their struggle to rise back up and keep fighting.
Also, it was funny.

[Okay, enough music]

But did it really need that part? It was just getting good.

[Mullet Death]

What did I just read. I should have read more than just the last two of Claec's posts...

[Panda4christ:3]

[Okay, enough music]

But did it really need that part? It was just getting good.

To be honest, the music was still stuck in my head after this point so, it really wasn't that effective XD;;

[Wolfsong]

This is what I call a real birthday present. Thanks Claec! This was totally awesome, and I hope you write some more. Not that I'm hinting at a sequal or anything, but that would be nice...hahaha.
Wonderful job, Claec. You've outdone yourself.

[ClaecElric4God]

You used the asparagus thing XD
So I just realized after reading the part where we burst through the door that me, kone, BL, and cheetah all have animals in our usernames D:
but this was beautimous ending <3 now write the sequel
I think it might even be fanart worthy XD;;

Haha, there may be a sequel in the making, but don't get your hopes up.
*gasp* Yes! Fanart, please please please!!!

Well done, Onee-chan. Well done indeed. A gripping story of passion, sacrifice, loss, hope, and righteous anger. A compelling tale that would strike a chord in the hearts of all those who despise sour cream, and showed that any person, even some stranger online, can make for a comrade and brother-in-arms against such evils. While it may have not had a triumphant end, it was one filled with hope, one that would inspire even those who have fallen in their struggle to rise back up and keep fighting.
Also, it was funny.

[Okay, enough music]

But did it really need that part? It was just getting good.

Thanks, Odd. I am honored to recieve such high praise for something so...yeah, whatever you call this story. I am truly inspired by your deep and thoughtful words, capturing the true beauty of such an epic tale. But really? You thought it was funny? I am no highly offended that you would make light of such a heart-rending tale.
And no, it didn't need that part. But I didn't want anybody's mind to explode from awesome overload. And what Panda said. XD

What did I just read. I should have read more than just the last two of Claec's posts...

Well, I can't say that it wouldn't be a waste of your time, but I'd recommend giving it a read if you're interested. After all, you can't help but get awesome when you throw all of these guys into a story of chaos and mortal danger together.

This is what I call a real birthday present. Thanks Claec! This was totally awesome, and I hope you write some more. Not that I'm hinting at a sequal or anything, but that would be nice...hahaha.
Wonderful job, Claec. You've outdone yourself.

Thanks, Wolf. I'm glad you liked it. I was a little worried that you and Odd wouldn't like the ending.
Sequel, huh? Well....like I said to Panda, we'll see.

Also, for anyone still reading, more random stuff from Claec coming soon, but this thread needs to die a slow and painful death, so I'll probably be creating a new thread for anything else I write. Unless I'm in a goofy mood, my stuff will probably be geared more in the serious and not absurd direction. Though I'm hoping to finish my NaNo story soon, which will be sufficiently ridiculous. I'd love feedback and critique from anyone crazy enough to bother reading my stuff. Thanks, everybody.

[Crossfire]

When he finally replaced the clip in his pistol, the dictator of the Nauzis was completely overwhelmed.

When he finally replaced the clip in his pistol

the clip in his pistol

clip

CLIP

[ClaecElric4God]

Huh. Aside from being disappointed that that's all you had to say about it, I'm gonna go ahead and be really confused what you're ranting about. While I may not be well-versed in the language of firearms, I was under the impression that certain pistols do have clips. But...uh...okay. I'm an idiot.
Thanks for reading, though. That much is encouraging.
I'll go back to writing medieval where I can generally keep myself out of trouble.

[Panda4christ:3]

*gasp* Yes! Fanart, please please please!!!

Then again, I don't really know what anybody looks like XD so it'd be off avatars, which may look kinda weird .Like, why is Ed hitting Cross with an asparagus? but it would probably be funnier with avatars or just how that particular person wishes to be drawn cx so *shrugs* and yes I will totally draw fanart XD;:

[ClaecElric4God]

lolol, YES!
You're awesome, Panda.

[Panda4christ:3]

:3 Now to go around asking people what they want to be drawn like
because that's not a weird question at all
I think it would actually be really funny to see a pistol with a clip XD;;

[Mullet Death]

Pistols do have clips though, unless he's talking about something like a revolver.