Fantasy Novel: The Citadel of Diablerie

[Mithrandir]

I was asked to post this by quite a few people. It's the intro to one of the fantasy novels I'm working on. It's pretty much a rough draft, so please don't get to picky about grammar and spelling, OK?

[quote="Citadel of Diablerie"]
“The Citadel of Diablerieâ€

[Mithrandir]

continued...

[quote="Citadel of Diablerie"]
Her fatigue momentarily forgotten, she stood shakily up and breathed in deep the beginning of the new day. The first tendrils of the morning wind reached her, bringing with them the sweet smell of summer flowers from every corner of the valley. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she stood enraptured - her young body recovering rapidly from its tiring ordeal. Without tearing her eyes form the magic of morning, she pulled opened her daypack and reached inside. Removing her most prized possession, she closed up the pack and tossed it gently aside. It alighted momentarily forgotten among a jumble of mossy stones. She stood for a few moments, radiant in the sunlight, imaging herself an extension of the mountains, listening to the wind. It began quietly, as always, and steadily picked up speed. Slowly opening her eyes, she brought her pipe to her lips.
Her solitary figure stood atop the cliff, her petite form further dwarfed by her platform, the mile-high precipice jutting into the sky from the valley far below. Her simple coarse-wood pipe rode the pace of the wind, rising with its bursts, and falling with its ebbs. The chorus echoed off the granite walls and filled the air around her with a serine collage of complex harmonies, all over shadowed by the low whistle of the wind racing in through the rocky chasm. Soon the wind would subside, then begin to race back down from the mountains into the valley from whence it came from. The mountains were alive, breathing as any other creature would – each breath carrying a slightly different tone, a slightly different timbre, a slightly different pace.
It was the song that told her she was alive. It came from within, yes]

continued...

[Mithrandir]

[quote="Citadel of Diablerie"]
A scattering of fissures ran through the stairs and the surrounding cliff face, evidence of earthquakes and the endless march of time. At the bottom of the stair, the Citadel of Diablerie, an entire ancient city, crumbled with age. The light from a ring of torches rising up around the edge of a circular dais glowed in the window of a large domed building in the center of the city.
The dais was comprised of solid rock, jet black and polished smooth by centuries of pacing. A robed figure stood motionless before an altar, erect and defiant with his face contorted in pain. His eyes were shut and there was no evidence to lead anyone to suspect he was alive. All around him gaunt, pale shells that only nebulously resembled the human form they used to embody watched silently with hollow eyes, cowering in fear. The dirty scraps of their tattered clothes hung ragged in the darkness, and they shivered as they waited, clinging tightly to the chains that bound them, less their shivering cause noise, which would arouse displeasure. And pain. Their eyes constantly darted around the cave nervously. A dull rushing announced to them that their master’s spirit returned. They cowered further. “So be it,â€

[EireWolf]

Very well written, love. I'm amazed... I knew you had it in you.

Don't stop now!

[starstoryteller]

Oh my word....You are awesome YOU HAVE TO FINNISH THIS!!!!!!!!!

[Mithrandir]

What do you mean finish? That's the end.




j/k. I'll finish it. I plan on publishing this one, though, so I probably won't put the whole thing online. I might email updates to people who want it, though.

[spiritusvult]

I'd tip my hat to you, if I wore one. Well done!

[true_noir_chloe]

I'm going to copy and paste this onto my Microsoft Word and then do a double space, because the writing is getting all mixed up without spaces. I hope you don't mind, Old Phil. Then I can read it in the next few days. And, I really want to read it. ^__^

[Mithrandir]

Nope. I don't mind... As long as you don't steal it.

[true_noir_chloe]

Old Phil, I promise I'll read it and throw it away. That's what I do with all the others I print out to read (Shadsie, UC, and everyone else). It's hard for me to see the stuff when its up on the screen. My reading glasses don't work that way. But, I promise to throw it out once its read. I have too many works in progress as it is, and really don't need another. Although, I'm sure yours is worth stealing. XD ~_^

[starstoryteller]

Oh...were are you publishing this?
(I still wanna get my gurbbie paws on it )

[true_noir_chloe]

Old Phil, this was great. I love how the environment and the girl were all fully dimensional. I really enjoyed reading it and I hope you do write more to this. You obviously know what you're doing. ^__^

[Mithrandir]

First off, thanks to everyone for your encouraging replies!

I might publish it. I dunno. I've got most of the series planned out (it'll be about 10 books long). It's fairly complex, and I think you've just read the opening of the first book. But considering I have a full time job and a bunch of other projects going on, I write maybe that much a month. lol. I really should concentrate on this one more. Everyone who's seen it found minor (if any) problems, and they all seem to want to read more of the story. Suffice to say, it was a much bigger hit than my attempt at Sci-Fi a few months back. I'll keep you all posted on my progress. I'd like to have most of the first chapter done by the end of this month.

[starstoryteller]

I tried to post a story at fanfic.net it seem to be more popluer here too.

[true_noir_chloe]

I've heard good things about your sci-fi attempt. I must have missed that one.

Anyways, you should definitely go for being published. I'll look forward to reading anything you place up here. ^___^

[Mylares]

How awesome! I especially like the names, I'm horrible with names. Anyway really nice!

[Lochaber Axe]

I hope you don't mind, but here is a word of advice from a person who wants to be a publisher: Change the title. "The ________ of _______" titles are used so many times that a masterpiece could easily be swept away with the rubbish. Make it unique. When writing, you have to worry about not stepping into cliche mud holes. Just skim the fantasy section of a book store, and you will see what I mean.

[Ducky]

I liked what you posted, the description was vivid and the last bit was intriguing. Is there more yet?

[Mithrandir]

Thanks. I've got a bit more written here, but I'm saving up for a major post.