Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[Solid Ronin]

Four men are holding up a best buy. One patrolling the car radio section of the store which is to the middle left side of the store. The second in the TV section all the way in the back . The third in the computer section located in the front right corner. And the last is taking the money form the registers.

A mysterious man in the TV section is reading all the data of the TVs . He is dressed in a over coat and a hat cover all of his head and gloves that cover all your fingers with one slot. The second robber points a gun to his head. Both men are hid from the rest of the store due to big screen TVs .

Robber 3: Don't move

The man outs his hands up. The robber then points to another man in the section.

Robber 3: You too

The man in the over coat sees this chance and pulls the gun away from the man and punches the robber in the gut knocking him out. The robber falls on the floor and the man who punched him takes off his belt and binds the robbers hands.

Man: My name is Donatello.

The second man pick up the gun

Man 2: I got his gun we can take them.

Don: Does it have a clip?

The second man checks.


Man 2: No but it has a bullet in the camber.

Don: Give it to me.

Man 2: What?!? No way.

The Don hits the man on his forehead knocking him out. He then take this mans belt and binds the robbers feet. He then takes a bullet out of the gun and keeps it in his hand.

He then moves to the car radio section of the store his is nothing but a shadow to the rest of the customers. He arrives at the radio section and sees the robber patrolling man in the trench coat sees this as his chance and throws the bullet at a radio. The robber looks to see if anything was happening by doing this his back is turned. The Donatello runs toward him and breaks his neck.

Don: Two more to go.

He heads to the computer section and see the robber he also sees the janitor's closet and the store manager. The robber walks down the isles. The man sneaks behind him them put his hands around his mouth and neck to bring him down the robber struggles for a while but it ends very soon. The man crawls over to the store manager

Don: Open the janitor's closet.

The manger dose what he is told. Don looks around and sees a broom. He takes the straw with leaves a staff. Don smiles.

Donatello sneaks up to the front of the store and sees the last robber still taking the cash from the registers. Don walks up to him with the staff at hand. The robber notices him and points his gun toward his face.

Robber: On your knees now!!!!!!!!

Don stops. With great speed hes hit the gun upward which then fires at the celling. With the opposite end hes hits the man in his stomach forcing him to bend over.

Robber: Ohh

Using the staff, Don strikes him with a swift blow to the back of the neck, sending him to the ground out cold. The people look at Don with mouths open.

Don:.......heh

Don quickly runs out the door. The people just watch him go until a man come to his senses.

Man: Hey t-t-that guys a hero...someone get him...

No one moves. The man runs out the door to find Donatello no where.

In the sewers of New York Don is heading home. He has already taken his coat and gloves off and picks up his regular Bo.

Don: Don't worry baby she could never replace you...heh heh heh

End

[Solid Ronin]

As of now im interseted in having a proofreader for these stories...any one got some time to kill

[Razgriz]

I like it, good dialouge and action sequences, keep writing; I liked Don's last line.

[uc pseudonym]

Good section. I apologize for the fact that I cannot proofread it.

But what I'd really like to say is that I love your new avatar, Sangoku.

[Solid Ronin]

It is awesome isnt it San's got the best avatars

Its cool master

[Solid Ronin]

My name is Thomas Elliot, I came to America from Japan to that my family could escape the Yaks.It is during the transition that I came to be known as Thomas Elliot and despite my name. I'm a believer in Shinto, Master of Judo and a member of the New York Yakuza.

At this point in time we are at war with the Irish mafia as a retaliation for their stealing a "shipment" to Japan we have kidnapped the leaders daughter. I'm standing now to what was a bright room with the best furniture money could buy, now the only light is from the giant oval windows to the right of me.

The lights went out without warning, the room despite in rich interior is merely a waiting room with the next room over begin the girls prison. I am guarding that room with a gun pointed into the darkness. I'm guarding it against what I can only describe as a demon armed with a chain.I know hes there watching me waiting to kill me as he did my two friends moments ago when he put there guns down. I want to call for help but my throat is so tight it would amount to a whimper.

The chain is around my neck, and I'm begin slammed onto the ground the impact to my head is..painful. I feel a sharp pain in my chest....In my heart...I am going to die...I do not regret anything I've done in my life...The Yakuza...The killing...It was my Karma...

The "demon" rose and walked toward the doorway. The lights would not be coming on anywhere in the house because he destroyed the breaker.

Michaelangelo: "My name is Michaelangelo...I have infiltrated this mansion to get one thing."

Michaelangelo opened up the door to revel a young girl..about 14 years old, Irish, tall for her age. Like the last room its only light are the windows. The young girl is terrified but soon enough police sirens surround the outside of the building. The girl jumps to the window and tears of joy begin to form from her eyes. She then remembers Michaelangelo who is emerged in the shadows..and her heart once again fills with terror.

Michaelngelo: "Its ok...I send for them..."

The ran toward the shinobi to embrace him but when she got there he felt no one.

Girl: "Where?..."

His voice suddenly appeared behind her.

Michaelangelo: "Sorry but..."

He then noticed a golden crucifix hanging from her neck.

Michaelangelo: "You can't hug a guarding angel!"

End.

[Locke]

sweet , looking forward to more of your stories Ronin !

[uc pseudonym]

Short, but better. You are improving, stylistically and with literature.

As a play, your dialogue is fine. In terms of writing, I would still suggest using quotation marks. One things should be easily fixed: when you want to indicate a pause, always use "...". Only ever use three periods in a row (four is acceptable when you wish to end a sentence.

This story was done differently, in that there was relatively little action actually told by you as the author. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[Solid Ronin]

Yeah I do tend do put alota action in my stories...its about the only thing that makes them good. I'll put all of your suggestions in effect as soon as I'm done with this post.

Furthermore.

As for my next projects:

CAA Island Chapter 3 = Im beefing up the fights so the moves are so repetitive

TMNT = This will be my own take on the first issue of the original comic

Zion: Third World = Still planning...