Aldean Chronicles New Episode Premiere: Episodes 11-15

[starwarsboy90]

Hey Everybody,

This Month's brand New Episodes are up finally, Episodes 11-15. Anyways, for those that haven't really read my series or have read a fw Episodes, here's Episodes 8-9. Episode 8's message has to do with Compassion, in which the Bible stresses to us Christians to use when dealing with sinners. Episode 9 has to do with Redemption and Love Thy Neighbor. Anyways here's a pic of one of the two main characters.






The website's url is http://starwarsboy90.tripod.com/

Some feedback would be very appreciated!

[uc pseudonym]

Should I take it that you no longer need editors? I only have about fifteen minutes to read, but I'll make whatever story comments occur to me (probably not many).

One thing in general: why are episodes subdivided into chapters?

"Another thing in general," I said, "dialogue."
"Most of it has lacked a comma prior to the 'said' clause," myself pointed out. "It needs to have some manner of punctuation." Probably following thoughts as well, I thought. But that's more of a stylistic thing.

Episode 11: Multiplied by a trillion-fold? That's quite a bit. Either it's severe hyperbole or we have some massive differences in power and this will begin to feel like Dragonball Z.

Episode 12: Mass-proliferation of characters, but not badly done. I didn't mean to edit, but I noticed regardless that in the sentence "Too bad your too weak to defend yourself" you mean "you're." I'll admit you have me curious as to loyalties, and your overall take on the war between angels and demons.

Episode 13: Lady Arien was asking for a more moral task? It strikes me that this doesn't properly connotate what you intended, but then again, I'm not you.

I can't get to the 14th and 15th episodes now, but I'll get back to them and comment eventually, provided you want comments.

[starwarsboy90]

Well I have a temporary Editor, but then again, having more then 1 at a time would be a little better I suppose. Your alittle confused with the loyalties part and the Angels and Demons thing, read back from Episode 1, then I think you will somewhat understand more. E-mail me if you would like to help and be an editor.

[uc pseudonym]

I wouldn't really term it confusion; I am merely pondering your take upon the spiritual plane. There is a balance between that which is based on scripture and that which is fantasy; this does not trouble me, but I am uncertain where lines are being drawn. For example, Gabriel Argadon is playing at sides (I'm referring to Aiden Versery, here). Also, we have nephiliam-esque work with the Shi'ado. Crien is another such issue.

I sent you a PM regarding editing some time ago.

About the remaining two chapters (which I read), I have one additional question: in the 15th chapter, Bane is mentioned in Vahloren's possession. This is said to Draconis, who currently holds the present Bane and isn't aware of the future Bane. Is this an oversight, or a hint that the person speaking is aware of Vahloren's origins?

[starwarsboy90]

Well you do raise an interesting question, which actually most of the questions are answered in either upcoming Episodes, or the unedited books. As we know, Vahloren is from the Future, as is Gabriel. But then again, Gabriel exists in the past, present and the future. Draconis is aware of Vahloren's Bane. Before Draconis met Vahloren, he had just recently forged Bane. Vahloren from the future, had Bane as well, which was passed down to him, which he stole it from himself (which is in Fallen Angel) somewhat confusing here, has to do with Time Travel and such. Anyways Draconis knows about Bane, and also knows he doesn't know how to Destroy the Other Bane, which he finds out by Episode 22.

As for the line and Crien, that's an interesting one. Since I created this Fantasy/Anime Series to Witness, I have to tread the fine line of not scaring away the non-believers at the same time, giving deeper spiritual insights. Since most of the early parts of the series isn't to Christiny, well as the Episodes Progress, more and more deeper meanings and messages are pouring forth to the non-believers and Christians alike. Unlike Tolkien, I use direct Christianization for the most part, and it is witnessing, I've seen some of the results of it myself. Then again I'm somewhat understaffed. Since you would like to help, Brother. I am hiring you as my current editor. While I'm producing the latest Episodes, which alot have to do with Gabriel, (we are getting to his story and why he is doing sides and such), I'm also pre-producing Volume 1, Episodes 1-25, a new and expanded glassary, which will replace all the episodes once we start volume 2 of season 1, Episodes 26-50. So, I'm definitly going to need your help with editing Volume 1, I got it updated as far as Episode 11. THere is so much storyline waiting to be told, I'd suggest you read up from Episode 1, then the books, then you might understand the whole plot which is kinda confusing, but then again... I suppose the Shi'ado will be explained from there ( Episodes 1-11, Books Wandering Ranger and Fallen Angel, Glossary, Online Database)

[starwarsboy90]

As for the line and Crien, that's an interesting one. Since I created this Fantasy/Anime Series to Witness, I have to tread the fine line of not scaring away the non-believers at the same time, giving deeper spiritual insights. Since most of the early parts of the series isn't to Christiny, well as the Episodes Progress, more and more deeper meanings and messages are pouring forth to the non-believers and Christians alike. Unlike Tolkien, I use direct Christianization for the most part, and it is witnessing, I've seen some of the results of it myself. Then again I'm somewhat understaffed. Since you would like to help, Brother. I am hiring you as my current editor. While I'm producing the latest Episodes, which alot have to do with Gabriel, (we are getting to his story and why he is doing sides and such), I'm also pre-producing Volume 1, Episodes 1-25, a new and expanded glassary, which will replace all the episodes once we start volume 2 of season 1, Episodes 26-50. So, I'm definitly going to need your help with editing Volume 1, I got it updated as far as Episode 11. THere is so much storyline waiting to be told, I'd suggest you read up from Episode 1, then the books, then you might understand the whole plot which is kinda confusing, but then again... I suppose the Shi'ado will be explained from there ( Episodes 1-11, Books Wandering Ranger and Fallen Angel, Glossary, Online Database)

[uc pseudonym]

Well you do raise an interesting question, which actually most of the questions are answered in either upcoming Episodes, or the unedited books. As we know, Vahloren is from the Future, as is Gabriel. But then again, Gabriel exists in the past, present and the future. Draconis is aware of Vahloren's Bane. Before Draconis met Vahloren, he had just recently forged Bane. Vahloren from the future, had Bane as well, which was passed down to him, which he stole it from himself (which is in Fallen Angel) somewhat confusing here, has to do with Time Travel and such. Anyways Draconis knows about Bane, and also knows he doesn't know how to Destroy the Other Bane, which he finds out by Episode 22.

Ah, thank you for explaining.

Then again I'm somewhat understaffed. Since you would like to help, Brother. I am hiring you as my current editor. While I'm producing the latest Episodes, which alot have to do with Gabriel, (we are getting to his story and why he is doing sides and such), I'm also pre-producing Volume 1, Episodes 1-25, a new and expanded glassary, which will replace all the episodes once we start volume 2 of season 1, Episodes 26-50. So, I'm definitly going to need your help with editing Volume 1, I got it updated as far as Episode 11. THere is so much storyline waiting to be told, I'd suggest you read up from Episode 1, then the books, then you might understand the whole plot which is kinda confusing, but then again... I suppose the Shi'ado will be explained from there ( Episodes 1-11, Books Wandering Ranger and Fallen Angel, Glossary, Online Database)

Allow me to clarify: you would like me to read through two books outside of the series episodes and then reread the episodes (which will happen during editing anyway, so I don't mind). Where exactly can I find these books, and what exactly do you want me to edit? Also, I'd reiterate the questions I asked in my PM, which you should theoretically still have.

[starwarsboy90]

I'd like you to read the two books, they can be found in the Downloads Section of the wbesite, under Legends of Aldea. I'll Pm you with what I have so far of Volume 1, Episodes 1-15. I think I still have your pm from last time. I think I did answer your questions in the last pm I sent you. Once I'm finished with Volume 1, I'd like you to edit it, maybe even edit the books, but then again, I wrote them along time ago. Well, Volume 1 so far has Episodes 11-15. Well I can't give you the volume in the pm message, it should at least let you attach documents.

[starwarsboy90]

Volume 1 is too big to upload, and my stupid word isn't working right now, so I'll pm you about it.