The Legion

[holysoldier5000]

The Legion

by HS5000

Intro

This is the first story I have posted here, I hope you all like it. The Legion is a more serious Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Mystery. It deals with the adventures of a group of heroes who are trying to stop the evil schemes of a mad scientist. I will post it in chapters each week. If you have any questions or comments feel free to PM me.

A Brief Overview

When half of the book of "The Legion" is stolen Joseph Warren, a young Unknoloigst, The only Unknologist (he thinks,) is called in to become the next Guardian of the Legion. Togther with Gie, Fisto, and May, he must stop the evil Professor Mammon before he unleshes the power of "The Legion!"

[holysoldier5000]

Chapter 1

Unknology

“Aliens, ghost, and gods. Most people believe they are nothing more the figments of the imagination. They claim that mankind simply dreamt them out of thin air to explain catastrophic weather and weird events like the sun rising and setting. Magic and deities are only dreams ancient societies used to explain scientific facts. This of course might be a valid theory if only a few societies dreamed up these mythical incantations. But societies the world over have developed these dreams of bogeyman and deities. And logic can only conclude that since every society has the same dream it must be more then a fluke. While the details of each societies dream of the unknown are different they all share a common denominator. Clearly since all societies have the same dream, then there truly must be something to their grouping the unknown for an explanation that is more then just simply figment. If dreams up a similar explination then it must be a subconscious thought of something that really is! We dream it therefore it is! We dream of these things because they are! Deep down inside of us we known there is something more, something unknown, and that is why we all search for it. Some call it searching for the meaning of life, others call it searching for god, but what it really is, is Unknology! The study of the unknown! Are there any question?â€

[Sakura15]

Awesome! I cant wait for more

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Ben, that's an awesome start! I like it a lot, well done! Must read more...
(How many words are you aiming for? You should only use the most words you need to tell the story, no more and no less).

The mystery thickens...

[holysoldier5000]

(How many words are you aiming for? You should only use the most words you need to tell the story, no more and no less).

I understand that concept very well. That is why I don’t believe in writing words just to write words. Everything has a purpose, a plan. What may seem like useless details now, in the end come together to form the most intricate of schemes. Like the thousands of radiations of a spider web, each seemingly weak by themselves, but together they make the strongest of traps. Now I won’t get into details, but I will tell you that everything in the first chapter has a meaning and a purpose in the grand scheme of things.

One of the purposes of the first chapter is to introduce the main character. This can be done by the author's description of the character…***boring***…or the author can show the audience the character. Let them see first hand who this character is, instead of just telling them about the character....

I will post more soon!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

it is very nice!

[Anna Mae]

Just one suggestion.

As the mop crossed too and fro across the floor

Perhaps you could change 'crossed' to 'swished' or something like that. As it is, it seems a bit reduntant.

Otherwise, good stuff.

[holysoldier5000]

Just one suggestion. Perhaps you could change 'crossed' to 'swished' or something like that. As it is, it seems a bit reduntant.

Otherwise, good stuff.

good suggestion. See what happens when I post text my editor hasn't seen yet!

[holysoldier5000]

Chapter 2

The Benefactor

They had left the main road for some time and were now traveling down bumpy gravel roads surrounded in thick dark forest. Joseph had lost his sense of what direction they were traveling shortly after leaving the main road. He tried to remember all the turns they had taken but there was too many now for him to recollect. The darkness of the night hindered Joseph’s ability to recognize any surroundings and nothing seemed familiar. Joseph knew the layout of the land fairly well from the maps he had studied make at the college but this location he was in now did not resemble any place he knew of on any map of the college’s surrounding landscape.
The shadow figure that was driving the car said practically nothing to Joseph the entire trip. He would only speak when Joseph ask him a question and then he would only respond, “You will have all the answers you seek when we have arrived.â€

[Kewl Girl]

Other than the occasional spelling error...

Your story is AWESOME!! Its really neat! I cant wait until you post more.. oh ..and if you ever get this stuff published, youd better send me an autographed copy!!

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

What is the Matrix? That is some awesome stuff Ben! I feel drawn into the story. I'm guessing Joseph will study and observe demon and angel activity unknown to ordinary people?
Great stuff!

[holysoldier5000]

Other than the occasional spelling error...

I am making this story up off the cuff. My editors haven’t reviewed this one so there is bound to be a few mistakes. If you find any mistakes point them out. I will go back and edit the text and fix them up so the story can be perfect.

I'm guessing Joseph will study and observe demon and angel activity unknown to ordinary people?

Hmm...I wonder???

[Anna Mae]

Joseph had lost his since of what direction they were traveling shortly after leaving the main road

Perhaps you mean 'sense of direction.'

Joseph knew the layout of the land fairly well from the maps he had studied make at the collage

College. This sentence confused me.

Joseph did as the figure wanted and enter the room while the shadowy figure stayed behind.

I assume you mean 'entered'?

[quote="holysoldier5000"]“I bet your wondering why I have brought you here.â€

[holysoldier5000]

Thanks Anna Mae for the assist.
I will make you my official CAA editor
I will edit the text as soon as I can.

[holysoldier5000]

Chapter 3

The Test

Joseph stepped into an enormous room, larger then any room he had ever seen. The entire room was full of a vast intricate working of bookshelves! Each filled with millions upon millions of dusty old tomes. Joseph noticed that several feet in front of him the floor came to an end and railings protected what appeared to be a large gaping hole. As Joseph peered over the railing down into the hole he saw a spiral of many levels each containing thousands of books. The levels extended deeper and deeper into the abyss below. Then Joseph looked up and saw a similar sight. The spiral continued upwards and more levels of books reached father then his eye could see.
“This place is huge!â€

[holysoldier5000]

Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 has been edited and fixed.
Thanks Anna Mae

[Anna Mae]

Well looky there, whatever could the mysterious book of Truth that says "I AM" be alluding to?

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

This is cool Ben! A bit of Indiana Jones and Sherlock Holmes influences me thinks.
In the second line is says 'dust tombs' did you mean 'dusty tomes'?
Is it possible to space out the paragraphs so it is easier to digest?
Great work!