Santuro...ch.1 and on

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Santuro...ch.1 and on

Postby churchgirl111 » Sun Oct 26, 2003 7:44 pm

Well actually this is the rest of Chapter 1...
if you want to read the first part it's in this forum under "bear with me rewrote Santuro again." Thanks haven't the patience to rewrite it again :drool: that would make it three...way too much...

ok rest of Chapter 1

Santuro awoke with the suns rays bearing into his eyes. He groaned awake, momentarily forgetting where he was. It came back to him in full force like a tidal wave.

He fought off the nausea."what's done is done," he said aloud hoping to shake away his demons. He opened up the barn doors. Was this really the same barn? he wondered noticing how much it was decaying.

Stepping out into the sun, he breathed in the fresh air like a prisoner who had not seen the light of day for years. Feeling better then his previous night, he decided to head out to his dojo. Taturo will be worried, Santuro thought and quickened his pace.

He hummed catches of songs and llullabies, anything to keep his mind occupied. He almost fooled himself that it was a dream, his attire reminded him otherwise. He reached his destination within half a day, a little village about 2 or 3 miles from the slained Christian village. Upwind, the smell of decaying flesh hung in the air.

"santuro! Santuro!" He turned and his face brightened. Running down the road just before the entrance to the village was none other then his best friend, Koga. Walking and gasping for air, Koga recounted how everyone in the village was worried that he had been killed. And when the body hadn't been found, they grew worried that government officials had arrested him."Taturo is worried," Koga added, finally catching his breathe.

Noticing his outfit, "Hey! Are you hurt? Bleeding." Koga started checking over his body. Santuro shoved him away, shaking his head, "Not my blood. By the way, where is Satsume?" "Injured, like the rest." Koga said softly. "Injured?" Santuro stopped. Koga shook his head, "Those Christians had called an incantation or spell on them. They haven't been able to see since the battle."

"Does Maigen know?" Santuro resumed walking towards their house. "Leader? He knows and he's not to happy about it either. He's ready to attack every Christian village out there." Koga smiled. "Good. Hopefully we will all get our wish." Santuro smiled. As they approached the dojo, sentries began to announce that the lost samurai had been found and returned unharmed. Someday, Santuro thought as he was whisked inside to meet Maigen, someday we shall decimate all of them until like rats they flee away from Japan forever.
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Postby churchgirl111 » Sun Oct 26, 2003 7:52 pm

i'll post rest of chapters at a later time on this thread...Love and PEace!! Thanks for reading,...
feedback welcomed :)
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:06 pm

Much better. :thumb: I see a definite improvement and it's such a great story idea. I would only mention this, always remember to stay in the right tense when you write. I still make this mistake - it's very common and I see it a lot in young and old writers alilke. Your sentence structure flows much better. Keep going and I look forward to seeing the rest. :)

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Heaven's Cloud » Tue Oct 28, 2003 1:09 pm

Very nice, I can't wait to see the others.
"So it begins" - Theodon, King of Rohan
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Next part of Ch.1

Postby churchgirl111 » Sun Nov 09, 2003 12:04 pm

Okay all...finally got the time to write the second part.....

Santuro was hailed inside the fortress doors. People whispered as he walked down the road.
"Maigen wants to see HIM?"
"He's just a boy!"
"Didn't you hear? He killed the whole family on his own!"
At this comment Santuro shuddered as the Voices threatened to uprise and consume his thoughts once more. He finally reached his house. Bodyguards greeted him and gave him room among the thronging crowd that wished to see this "heroe".
Sighing, he stepped inside and began removing his bloodied clothes.
"Master!"
Santuro looked up to see a hyper 7-year old run up to him.
"Gojin!" Santuro smiled
Gojin nearly tripped over his practice ghi and gave Santuro a hug.
Santuro stood there slightly awkward and hugged him back tentatively.
Remembering himself, Gojin flung himself back and bowed as was proper for a student to his master. Mumbling sorry and embarassed, he began to help Santuro take off his clothes.
Santuro smiled secretly, "Have you been practicing while I've been gone?"
Gojin's face brightened, "Yes, Master. Very hard!"
"Good, then perhaps we can sparr after I meet with Maigen."
"THankyou Master, I can't wait." Gojin rushed off with the bloodied clothes, nearly tripping over his ghi again.

That's all for now everyone...I'll have more later!! :)
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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Postby churchgirl111 » Sun Nov 09, 2003 1:59 pm

Still part of Ch. 1....

Watching Gojin run off, Santuro carefully checked for wounds, finding minor bruises from the resistance of the night before.
After cleaning and donning a new kimono, he allowed Gojin to polish his sword that had been caked with blood. Successfully presentable once more, he walked out.

The bodyguards were playing chess and hadn't noticed their employer standing there. Laughing and oblivious they kept on playing chess and telling stories right in the middle of the doorway.

Santuro coughed. THe bodyguards looked up in horror and suprise. Quickly, they snapped to attention, all the meanwhile tripping over themselves like fools.
"It is time. Show me to Maigen." Santuro said calmly. The bodyguards visibly flinched at this informal reference to their revered Leader. They started to walk to the castle that lyed ahead.

"master! Master!" Gojin started to run up to him. Santuro motioned that it was fiine to the wound-tight warriors. "Gojin what is it?" Santuro impatiently asked. Gojin bowed, "I'm sorry Master but you forgot your sword." GOjin held up a newly polished and sharpened sword. Taking it from him, Santuro ruffled his hair, "Thanks." Gojin smiled that smile that only innocent children can smile, oblivious to what the deeds the sword had done.

Watching Gojin run back, gleefully, Santuro prayed to his gods that Gojin would never be asked to shed blood for greed's sake.
But I know in due time he will, Santuro thought sadly as they walked, what else is left for the existence of samurai's and warriors?

Approaching the enourmous castle sorrounded by guards, he wondered if that was truly an existence after all.

END OF CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 will be put up soon!
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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Postby Razgriz » Sun Nov 09, 2003 2:12 pm

Continue writing, you're doing good. :thumb:
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Nov 09, 2003 6:29 pm

>Gojin smiled that smile that only innocent children can smile, oblivious to what the deeds the sword had done. <

I like this contrast the best. :thumb: I like how you're thinking here.

I like it so far. :)

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Chapter 2

Postby churchgirl111 » Mon Nov 10, 2003 3:03 pm

ok gonna try to write Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In a tiny village, they slept soundly, cautiously. It could hardly be call a village. Ransacked huts quickly put together. Signs of hardship, battles and poverty were apparent.
A young boy coming onto the age of 18, grabbed his sword, even as he dreamt. Nobody could afford to rest, sleep was no exception.

A boy older and hesitant, quickly and cautiously walked in. The lad sensing a prescence, half-asleep grabbed his sword and drew. The moonlight should a quick shine of silver as sword clashed sword. The lad pushed off sending the older boy back. The lad then slashed again, still zombie like. The older boy chuckled and slashed again. Rolling under him, the lad knicked his arm and slashed. The older boy quickly and expertly, blocked and kicked the boy down. Taking his sword, he placed it upon his throat. "Kain, wake up?" smiling at the snoring boy.

Kain finally woke up and wasn't the least suprised to find himself on the ground, with a sword to his throat. Afterall, that's how he woke up every morning. Rubbing his eyes, "Sian, why did you have to go and wake me?"

Sian laughed, "Your improving. You parried better, and actually managed to knick me." Sian rolled up his sleeve to reveal blood dripping down his arm. Kain laughed, "Ahhhh...poor baby. Are you gonna live?" Sian hit him on the head as he continued to make baby faces.

"Stop fooling around." Sian grumbled. Kain stopped laughing long enough to notice the seriousness on his face.

"What is it, Sian? Another attack?" Kain sheathed his sword. Sian nodded, "Yes. Matsu and Jinn along with the rest of the village have been killed."

rest later :)
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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REst

Postby churchgirl111 » Mon Nov 10, 2003 5:58 pm

Rest of Chapter 2

Kain stared ahead.
"Was it Maigen's doing?" he asked, anger clear in his voice. Sian nodded sadly.
Kain looked away, "Why weren't the troops gathered once word of attack was heard?"
Sian shook his head, "It couldn't have been done. There was no word. It was a suprise attack."
"Unexusable! What of our scouts? Are they doing nothing?!" Kain clenched his fist.
Sian touched his soldier, "The Lord gives and he takes away. It was their time, their season. Where is your faith?"
Kain softened and wiped away tears, "It is hard to see so much suffering. To see so much darkness."
Sian nodded, "Yes, but our Lord suffered also. How great shall be our reward in heaven. As for Maigen, may the Lord bring him to the Truth."
"Amen." Kain agreed.
"We have to prepare for burials. Also there is word that some people may have escaped." Sian walked out with him into the night air.
"Get the men. We need to go and see if we can recover bodies...if there are any left." Kain added.
"Yes sir," Sian started to rise messengers from their slumber.

"Kain! Kain!" a messenger on a horse galloped to him. Getting of his mount, he whispered, "Glory be to God." "And to the Lamb that was slain," Kain finished, "What news do you bring?"

"Maigen's troops are approaching on the eastern side. They should reach the village within the hour," he said breathlessly. Kain resisted the urge to swear. "But I thought they attacked Jinn's village at sunset? Now they are after us?" The messenger nodded.

"Sian!" Kain ran to Sian as he finished waking the last of the messengers, "Get word to all the nearby villages along the eastern side and some to the west that Maigen's troops are preparing a attack withi the hour coming from our eastern wing." Sian paled, "But...." "Go! By God's grace alone we'll survive this. Hurry! Also, make sure that people are praying." Messengers scurried in all directions as quick as their horses let them.

Kain told the messenger to gather all the troops and prepare for battle. Kain breathed a desperate prayer, "Lord, I know that i haven't always trusted you. Forgive me of that sinful nature. Lord I trust you now and know that you are with us. Please send your angels to protect us and build a hedge around your servants. God please help us to not have to kill anyone. Please bless are enemies and turn their hearts to you. Lord please be with us as we go into battle against those who curse you. Give us courage and strength to defend ourselves and may this battle be to your glory and honor. In your Son's name we pray, who died upon the cross for our sins, Amen." Kain felt a flood of peace within his heart. A voice within his heart began to speak, "Trust me. Lay down your arms and instead put upon the armor of God. You won't have to fight this battle, I will." Kain knew enough not to disobey.

As the sun was peaking over the horizon, the troops came. Kain told them what he felt God say. They agreed that they would trust the Lord and all laid their armor down. Kain stood at the head of this two hundred man army, watching as a thousand enemy soldiers approached.

The General halted his men. They were wearing the color of blood, waving the banner of the Ryu-sen clan, Maigen's clan. The general leered, looking at the Christians as if they were fresh meat.

"Are you so weak that you just surrender now?" the general leered. His men chuckled behind him. Kain listened silently, unmoving. After the chuckle had died down, he motioned his men to kneel in prayer. The General laughed, "See this men? Their God is so weak that they surrender on bended knee!"

"It is you General who shall surrender or choose harm at your own peril. God is fighting this battle. We shall not lift one finger against you and we shall win this fight. I ask that you please leave so that you may not suffer harm." Kain said softly.

This led the enemy troops in an uproar. The General smiled, "Prepare to die, Christians. Charge!" All one thousand men gave a battle cry and charged.

Kain and his men watched the approach of thundering horses, men and hatred with quiet calm and peace. As the men approached, they all were engulfed in a blinding light from above.

End of Chapter 2
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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Postby Razgriz » Mon Nov 10, 2003 6:07 pm

Very exciting! :thumb:
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Postby churchgirl111 » Mon Nov 10, 2003 6:10 pm

Arigat :) I wish i got more feedback :( BUT THANKYOU! Take criticism as well...:)
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Nov 10, 2003 6:48 pm

Nice ending to that chapter. :) It would be good, however, for you to remember and let the reader know where this takes place and who is where. I kept getting lost as to where everyone was situated in this section. Maybe I'm just tired, though. :P

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
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Postby churchgirl111 » Tue Nov 11, 2003 7:12 pm

oh...good point i'll put that in there the next chapters or else i'll just edit that in...thankyou!
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:42 am
Location: take a left on Jupiter, past mars...

Postby churchgirl111 » Tue Nov 11, 2003 7:52 pm

For those who are reading my story...PLEASE vote that way i can see if i should bother working on it anymore....i don't want to get to deep in a project then just scrap it...
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
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Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:42 am
Location: take a left on Jupiter, past mars...

Postby Razgriz » Tue Nov 11, 2003 11:15 pm

Please continue with your story, I'm interested in where it's going next.
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