Postby Lunis » Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:03 pm
Certain circumstances led me to become an introvert.
For one, we moves so much, it was hard to separate from my best friends. On a certain move, I never found a friend at all. Acquaintences, yes. But the one huge thing that hinders me from having friends is that it is extremely hard for me to fit in if I'm the newbie. If I'm the more known, more experienced person in the group, I thrive. Just like in Arizona. There was a whole extended family of girls who were my friends. I was taller than them, older than all but one, and knew more about the world than them. I thrived. But then another girl came in who was the girls' friend a long time before me. I got defensive and a little jealous. As if she was going to steal my only friends. I'm weird like that.
Another thing is that I'm different than most people. Not interested in the popular things of interest. So it makes finding people with my interests harder.
And the last thing is my self esteem issues. I suck at being social. I think I just irritate everyone. That they're nice to me because I'm a charity case. ...Well, not everyone. I can tell my closest friends like me.
I used to be really bold and outgoing. I miss those good old days. Where I was one of the most popular kids in my class. People thought I was funny, and they understood me... I love making people laugh. It's a shame I'm always too shy, now, to be goofy.
It's so strange, though, because I intentionally aviod trying to make friends. Even though I want them. *sigh* Maybe I'm not a true introvert. I'm just messed up.
Argh. Whenever I get on this sort of topic, I get all angsty. Sorry. I want lots of good friends. I just...suck too much to make many.
It is the infirmity of little minds to be dazzled with everything that sparkles.