The Trigun continuation

[Knives]

Ok this is my first Fanfic so be nice. Constructive Criticism is the only criticism allowed, k. Also im not the best writer so there might be some accidental tense changes,mispelled words and so on. Ok now onto the fic
This will not make sense unless you have seen all of Trigun!

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun im only writing a FF about it. It will not be sold.

Knives suddenly wakes up to the sweet smell of fried tofu.Suddenly he feels a burning sensation coursing throughout his bionic body. " Where am I?" He wondered, through a blurry vision he could dimly see the outline of another bionic form. Vash! Then like a wave his memory came back to him. He and Vash were brothers. They were fighting and Vash defeated him. Knives realises he wants no more fighting. And says in a dull painfull whisper. Vash,no more do I fight you and the rest of mankind"
"Huh I was about to grab my gun when you came too,but now it seems all never again need to use it against you." Vash said.
" Well thank you for your forgiveness. Now give me some of that Fried tofu."
" Er, okay but you dont need to be so rude. Gals could you bring in some fried tofu for our honoured guest?"
"Yes Vash" the two s said in unison. a
And so it proceeded that Vash& Knives grew to love each other the way only brothers can( not ) and that the s also enjoyed Knives companionship. One day Vash engaged merel( how do you spell it!) and a couple months later they were married. Knives had always liked Milly and was spurred by his bros action to engage and mary milly. Both couples had one child each. Vash and Merels son was named Kazan. While Knives and millys son was named Gung-Ho the 11th. The adventures of these boys will be told in my next FF. Vash,Knives,Merel and milly lived only twelve years longer there a mystery. But those last twelve years were tha happiest days of their lives. You will find out how they died in my next FF.

[churchgirl111]

Good! um...if this is a fanfic you might want to go in more detail about their lives...like what their kids look like, where they lived, etc...how their relationship developed...etc...but other then that...looking forward to the next FF...GREAT JOB!!!!

[MillyFan]

Translated by uc pseudonym:

<Millyfan doesn't feel your story is very good>

[uc pseudonym]

Out of line, Millyfan. [as an aside- I generally don't bother to do what you did. Not worth the time]

[Knives]

So Uc your saying yet again millyfan has said something um unconstructive? What did you think of it

[uc pseudonym]

What did I think of your story?

Well, there are a great many things I could say about it. Foremost, I have a few pieces of advice for you:
1) Paragraph more. We'll all appreciate it.
2) Edit this bit. I think if you just looked it over you'd notice some simple things.
3) The last paragraph (approximately) suddenly jumps us over a lot of time. Either draw this out a lot longer, or give it a surreal, prologue-styled feel. Does that make sense?

[Haibane Shadsie]

I was thinking of doing a critical evaluation of this, but it would take a lot of time... if you want me to give my crits... tell me, but be forewarned.

You are not going to like it.

I'm not going to wholesale flame, or anything... but I found this story very lacking in several areas, and I review... like a serious writer, because I am one. I get my critical review skills from things like college, a serious writer's group/worskshop which I was a part of, and my current writer's club. We are people who write originals and are vying for serious publication. The head of my writer's club is a published author. Now, even when reviewing fanfiction, I tend to review as if I were reviewing stories for fellow members of the club - i.e. Very seriously, very critical, being specific about various points. I give no pithy reviews. It is expect of people in the writer's club to basically "rip apart" even stories that they like, even very well-written stuff - which is what I typically do, let alone stuff that is not so well-written and needs a lot of work.

If you want me to review... tell me, but be warned. It's going to be long, you probably aren't going to like it, and if you "put your soul" into this thing - prepare to have your soul ripped to shreds and not take it personally. It's what writing critique is all about.

[Knives]

I was thinking of doing a critical evaluation of this, but it would take a lot of time... if you want me to give my crits... tell me, but be forewarned.

You are not going to like it.

I'm not going to wholesale flame, or anything... but I found this story very lacking in several areas, and I review... like a serious writer, because I am one. I get my critical review skills from things like college, a serious writer's group/worskshop which I was a part of, and my current writer's club. We are people who write originals and are vying for serious publication. The head of my writer's club is a published author. Now, even when reviewing fanfiction, I tend to review as if I were reviewing stories for fellow members of the club - i.e. Very seriously, very critical, being specific about various points. I give no pithy reviews. It is expect of people in the writer's club to basically "rip apart" even stories that they like, even very well-written stuff - which is what I typically do, let alone stuff that is not so well-written and needs a lot of work.

If you want me to review... tell me, but be warned. It's going to be long, you probably aren't going to like it, and if you "put your soul" into this thing - prepare to have your soul ripped to shreds and not take it personally. It's what writing critique is all about.

How about you send me the review in a PM