Hey. I wrote this poem forever ago, and I was going through alot of my old threads, so I decided to re-edit this one. I've learned alot since those days, and hopefully that shows through. Enjoy.
"Words For The Universe"
The moon is falling, the sun is calling, Singing of the break of day.
The Stars are shining, the Clouds are crying, weeping out wind and rain.
The world is moving, but are we improving, for what we are is not what we say.
The Earth is turning, and the Souls are yearning, to speak what only hearts can say.
Wind and Rain, sorrow and pain, they are of an equal kinds... But if Rain is tears, and Sorrow is fears, then what will the Spirit unwind? For we are wrapped up merrily, in all the things we say, But how can the heart bare it, to lie and lie this way? I Went to seek Answers, and yet all I found were Questions.
Or Will I Sleep In Obscurity?
-Zarn.
(Note, that last line before my name is my signiture question/goodbye, not apart of the poem.)
Words For the Universe, Redux
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Words For the Universe, Redux
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
- Zarn Ishtare
- Posts: 1295
- Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
- Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.
"Words For The Universe"
The moon is falling, the sun is calling, Singing of the break of day... I would suggest making a line break in the places where you have an elipse. This makes it more fluent, easier reading. The Stars are shining, the Clouds are crying, weeping out wind and rain...The world is moving, but are we improving, for what we are is not what we say.
The Earth is turning, and the Souls are yearning, to speak what only hearts can say.Very intriguing. This stanza expresses interesting thoughts worth pondering.
Wind and Rain, sorrow and pain, they are of an equal kinds... But if Rain is tears, and Sorrow is fears, then what will the Spirit unwind? For we are wrapped up merrily, in all the things we say, But how can the heart bare it, to lie and lie this way? I Went to seek Answers, and yet all I found were Questions.The way you break out of the rhyme scheme at the very end is effective. A good poem, overall. As I mentioned, it forms interesting thoughts with a maurading conclusion.
The moon is falling, the sun is calling, Singing of the break of day... I would suggest making a line break in the places where you have an elipse. This makes it more fluent, easier reading. The Stars are shining, the Clouds are crying, weeping out wind and rain...The world is moving, but are we improving, for what we are is not what we say.
The Earth is turning, and the Souls are yearning, to speak what only hearts can say.Very intriguing. This stanza expresses interesting thoughts worth pondering.
Wind and Rain, sorrow and pain, they are of an equal kinds... But if Rain is tears, and Sorrow is fears, then what will the Spirit unwind? For we are wrapped up merrily, in all the things we say, But how can the heart bare it, to lie and lie this way? I Went to seek Answers, and yet all I found were Questions.The way you break out of the rhyme scheme at the very end is effective. A good poem, overall. As I mentioned, it forms interesting thoughts with a maurading conclusion.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
I really like that one! I like the rhythm at the beginning... it carried me to the end. Really nice images as well!
DO YOU FLY FOR FUN?!
I give props to these ANIMEs/MANGAs: GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES, AZUMANGA DAIOH, MONSTER, SAILOR MOON SERIES, AKAGE NO ANNE, BOTTLE FAIRY, MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, PARANOIA AGENT, YAKITATE!! JAPAN, UTAWARERUMONO, KANON, FULL MOON WO SAGASHITE, & YOTSUBA&!
LINKSQUEST's PASSIONS are: READING (especially books by authors: Lois Lowry, L.M. Montgomery, Ray Bradbury, C.S. Lewis) WRITING, SINGING, ACTING, COMPOSING, PIANO, PHOTOGRAPHY, ART, COOKING, MYST series, ZELDA series,OLD TIME RADIO , New Time Radio, SPANISH, LANGUAGES, and the list goes on.
Unlucky Secret Bump Thread Member #13
"WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT ENERGY BILLS!"
I give props to these ANIMEs/MANGAs: GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES, AZUMANGA DAIOH, MONSTER, SAILOR MOON SERIES, AKAGE NO ANNE, BOTTLE FAIRY, MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, PARANOIA AGENT, YAKITATE!! JAPAN, UTAWARERUMONO, KANON, FULL MOON WO SAGASHITE, & YOTSUBA&!
LINKSQUEST's PASSIONS are: READING (especially books by authors: Lois Lowry, L.M. Montgomery, Ray Bradbury, C.S. Lewis) WRITING, SINGING, ACTING, COMPOSING, PIANO, PHOTOGRAPHY, ART, COOKING, MYST series, ZELDA series,OLD TIME RADIO , New Time Radio, SPANISH, LANGUAGES, and the list goes on.
Unlucky Secret Bump Thread Member #13
"WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT ENERGY BILLS!"
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Linksquest - Posts: 1859
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:14 am
- Location: MerryLand
Not grave-digging, I'm actually wanting to use this as a comparison piece for my critics, to see if they like the edit or not. I'll let it sink quickly as soon as I can get a few opinions.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
- Zarn Ishtare
- Posts: 1295
- Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
- Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.
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