im not much of a writer but heres a poem i just now wrote lol comments or critisism is welcome i really dont care i just want opinions, what should i change, is the title name ok?
True Love?
These feelings are so new
my heart races when im with you
im begining to wonder if its really true
When im with you im never blue
because i see right through you
and i know i can believe in you
theres somethin i want to say to you
i just need to find a way to
...i think i love you.
crappy poem i wrote
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crappy poem i wrote
Love is that feeling you get when a girl looks at you and it feels like your driving a car at high speeds and experience a sudden drop. You know what i mean? That sudden sinking feeling you get in your stomach? Yeah, that's love. Leave's you speechless everytime.
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ssj2gohan61 - Posts: 769
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It good, but it only is discribing something on the surface, go deeper into the feelings.
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
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haha thanks that was actually like one of the first poems i wrote.. i dont really know how to go deeper into my feelings...
Love is that feeling you get when a girl looks at you and it feels like your driving a car at high speeds and experience a sudden drop. You know what i mean? That sudden sinking feeling you get in your stomach? Yeah, that's love. Leave's you speechless everytime.
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ssj2gohan61 - Posts: 769
- Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2004 10:09 pm
- Location: New Mexico
ssj2gohan61 wrote:haha thanks that was actually like one of the first poems i wrote.. i dont really know how to go deeper into my feelings...
It takes some practice my friend =D
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Also read other poems they can halp improve your own work.
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
i think thats pretty good!!!! good job!
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[color="DarkRed"][SIZE="3"]My ♥ belongs to TimothyMichael[/SIZE][/color]
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fairyprincess90 - Posts: 549
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It almost seems that it could be the lyrics to a song. I like the rhyme at the end of each line. It was pretty good! Poetry is so awesome because it can really be anything. It doesn't have to rhyme if you don't want it to. You can do anything with it! Keep up the great work! 
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I give props to these ANIMEs/MANGAs: GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES, AZUMANGA DAIOH, MONSTER, SAILOR MOON SERIES, AKAGE NO ANNE, BOTTLE FAIRY, MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, PARANOIA AGENT, YAKITATE!! JAPAN, UTAWARERUMONO, KANON, FULL MOON WO SAGASHITE, & YOTSUBA&!
LINKSQUEST's PASSIONS are: READING (especially books by authors: Lois Lowry, L.M. Montgomery, Ray Bradbury, C.S. Lewis) WRITING, SINGING, ACTING, COMPOSING, PIANO, PHOTOGRAPHY, ART, COOKING, MYST series, ZELDA series,OLD TIME RADIO , New Time Radio, SPANISH, LANGUAGES, and the list goes on.
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Linksquest - Posts: 1859
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