Poem i'm attempting...

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Poem i'm attempting...

Postby churchgirl111 » Tue Jan 27, 2004 7:09 pm

i'm attempting to write a poem because i don't think i'm a good poetry writer or well fiction writer for that matter...good people to look up too are Kesshin and True noir chloe both are very talented in both matters...
sorry don't mean to seem discouraged...anyways.. this poem "okami" which is wolf in japanese is about wolves and other things....

Okami

The silver sleek and white innonence
call of the moon
enchanting yet lurid
shadows of a distant past

apparitions through the evergreen trees
eyes of owls
lovers of night

As the moon's sillouhette glow casts down
The snows faithful reflection
recounts the wolf's steps
Lightly upon the sea of glass
Running after the caribou

the okami sleek away as the dawn approach
these apparitions fall into the shadows
Metamorphis. Transformation
They are anew

Dawned in white and grey and brown
they emerge new creatures of day
with children's laughter
children's smile
the snow greets the warm sun
and the puppies howl
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
User avatar
churchgirl111
 
Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:42 am
Location: take a left on Jupiter, past mars...

Postby Kokhiri Sojourn » Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:54 pm

It is picturesque. Very visual. In other words, great imagery. Don't be all down on yourself. You are talented yourself, so write, and write some more. You only get better with experience. Reading good quality stuff can help as well. Not that I can attest to this... but I hear it does. Great work! :thumb:
User avatar
Kokhiri Sojourn
 
Posts: 1215
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2003 3:48 pm
Location: Waco

Postby Mimichan » Wed Jan 28, 2004 12:58 am

I liked it very much ^_^
Image


"Why do people not notice until they lose it?
What it is that's truly important...
Although I can't afford to forgive even myself,
Because you were there,
I was able to be myself (Natural).
I want to be honest...I want to be kind...
I want to be the adult I once (in my childhood) longed to be.
I go on fighting against the heart to run away...
I go on fighting against that invisible something!"
---

True Navigation: Two MIX
User avatar
Mimichan
 
Posts: 241
Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Somewhere between here and there

Postby Icarus » Wed Jan 28, 2004 6:36 pm

I agree with them. Good poem.

I think you might mean slink in: The okami sleek away as dawn approach...
The Forsworn War of 34

††
User avatar
Icarus
 
Posts: 1477
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:00 am
Location: 34

Postby true_noir_chloe » Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:00 pm

Yes, please don't get down on yourself. :hug: You're doing really well. Please, keep writing if it's what you like to do. If you enjoy it, then you can only get better.:thumb:

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby churchgirl111 » Fri Jan 30, 2004 3:14 am

i'm going to attempt more poetry on here...hm...ok this next one is pretty good..i kinda like the imagery on it...
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
User avatar
churchgirl111
 
Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:42 am
Location: take a left on Jupiter, past mars...

The tree flows

Postby churchgirl111 » Fri Jan 30, 2004 3:24 am

THis is called:

The Tree Flows

Clear skies dappled with gray
Impending storm
Fiery countenance
Neverending blood glistens in through tears
The tree flows

Covers and consumes
Tidal wave of grace
Shrieks and screams from the realms
Sorrow from above
Temporary grief

Beaten
with a crown of thorns
Sweat mingled with wine and blood
an overpowering stench
Sweet inscense
Death and destruction
weeping of the earth

The tree has ceased its flow
sorrow in the depths
joy above
he has won
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
User avatar
churchgirl111
 
Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:42 am
Location: take a left on Jupiter, past mars...

more

Postby churchgirl111 » Fri Jan 30, 2004 3:28 am

THis one doesn't have a title..

drops of rain
fall from the man's face
blood overflows the river
world despairs

Dog's howl, cow's moo
all in grief and terror
the rocks shake and groan
The thunder rolls

People thirst for the man's blood
hunger for his bread
want and want
even then, desire for more
they steal what they don't deserve

He smiles
he gives them bread
his very body
he gives them his blood to drink
he gives his life for free
to save man from what he deserves
[quote] If not now then when? If not me then who?- anonymous

:thumb: LOVE AND PEACE!!!- Vash the Stampede

This is His testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son, He who has the Son of God has Life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have Life.-John

Why am i crying in French??- Vash the Stampede
:thumb: :P :jump:
User avatar
churchgirl111
 
Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:42 am
Location: take a left on Jupiter, past mars...


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 371 guests