This is a science fiction story. I have an earlier version of it on my website, and I've posted it here before, in its second edition. After getting further critiquing from my writer's club, I revised it for a third, and I hope to be final, time.
I redid some of the narration in it, put it in conversation... so I have the story told more in conversation this time than I did before. I also added a few things...
I'd really love feedback on this, what people think is good, what people think is bad... nitpicks welcomed... I want to enter this story in a nationwide writing contest (that it probably won't even place in, but I might as well try). Therefore, I want it to be the best it can be... really, really good.
Small warnings... mild violence and one mild "bad" word when a character really meant it.
"Xlyiss", 3rd edition
The last version of the story, for anyone who wants to compare this edition to that to see improvments and changes, is on my "Higher Rhlem" website under short stories.
Xlyiss (3rd revision)
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Xlyiss (3rd revision)
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Haibane Shadsie - Posts: 511
- Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Somewhere in the middle of the desert
*Bump*
I really need some more eyes on this, and would really like feedback before I go ahead and enter it in the contest, so... *bumping to keep the thread from sinking into oblivion*
I really need some more eyes on this, and would really like feedback before I go ahead and enter it in the contest, so... *bumping to keep the thread from sinking into oblivion*
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
-
Haibane Shadsie - Posts: 511
- Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Somewhere in the middle of the desert
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