My book.....in pieces

[Phantom_Sorano]

Well, for those who don't know, I began to write a Christian/sci-fi/action/romance two years ago. Unfortunately, my grandmother became sicker and went on to be with God, so I gave up writing it...well, I want to finish it, so I will post each chapter or two here, please, be a critic, tell me how it can be better, any thing that doesn't fit, let me know! Thanks!
-Soran

Chapter 1

Ryoko's Leave

Ryoko ran though the rugged forest : jumping trees and tripping , scrapping herself badly, with blood running down her arms and legs , yet she ignored the

pain . One thing raced through her mind :

Ryoko : “ I just want to get away !â€

[Swordguy]

is there a prologue or anything to give the reader of the world he/she is reading or is that to be reveiled in later chaters, besides that i found it to be intersting, though some of the descriptions were hard to get...i will read it again later, maybe once or twice more and tell you a bit more...

[USSRGirl]

Sounds intriguing. The format is a bit odd though and confusing at times. Is it meant to be like a script/play?

[Esoteric]

Okay, I like the characters...they're definitely starting to develope. I think you just need to add/correct some details. First off I find it surprising that Nobu's dog could 'carry' her back to his house. That must be a big dog! Or else Ryoko is very small, but you give no indication of that.
Secondly, I'm alittle surprised at Nobu's behavior, given his background. He's terrified of demons and with good reason. So, if he suspects Ryoko is one...would he voluntarily save her out of sheer kindness? Especially when he expected she would kill him? I think you should play around with the cirumstances a little bit more and find a way to make his choice seem more logical. Once they are together, the dialogue gets good...although I was surprised when Ryoko brought up Christianity out of the blue. I think perhaps, if you allude to her religion a little earlier...perhaps if while fleeing she prays or something...it would give us an earlier heads up about her and also the time period. Over all, not bad. A good start, it just needs polishing.

Oh, and did you intend this to be written in screenplay format?...because right now it's kinda in between screenplay and book format.