PROLOGUE:
Ani sat by the fire in her familiar spot with a worn and tattered blanket covering just enough of her arms to keep her content. Normally she would dream she was an adventurer looking for new excitement, or a princess leading a band of theives, but she could not find anything that could keep her aching heart from distress...all she could do was sit and stare at the wall in front of her blankly, and wonder what she had done wrong. there she was, about to be carried away by strangers into a new family, home, life and she had no power to defy. It was only a few moments untill there was a knock to her door and her mother stepped into the room "It's time for you to go now ani". Ani opened her mouth in protest with tears welling up in her eyes to replace the dried ones. Her mothers blue eyes and blonde hair scaresly showed in the dim light, but you could still make out the serious and stern expression on her face. Ani thought for a moment, but closed her mouth and wiped the tears from her eyes. There was no use fighting with her mother now. She got up and walked towards the door when her mother stopped her halfway. "i want you to have this..." she reached into her pocket and handed ani a small gold necklace containing three clear stones embeded into it's edge. Ani gazed up at her mother with a sharp suprised expression, and pierced her mother's distant unemotional face to where, for a moment, Ani thought she could see a hint of compassion for her that she had never seen before. Now the light had changed on an idea that was once distant and dark in Ani's mind. Mabye the path her mother had chosen for her would be the start of something greater than herself. Once Ani stepped out the door and into the hands of a life unknown, she thought to herself, this would be the beginning of an adventure of her very own.
no title yet...
4 posts •
Page 1 of 1
no title yet...
The Letter from God Dear child, Despite your silence, I have heard your soul weeping. Why have you been so unhappy? Have you forgotten my everlasting love for you? Child, you are mine. Why have you not called my name sooner? If you seek me, I will answer. I am your counselor, ready to instruct you and show you which path to take. When you come to me, I will embrace you and silence all your fears. Just remember that I am here to hold you close and dry your tears. I will always be right beside you. Not only am I your father, but your best friend. Do not be afraid to ask for my mercy and forgiveness. I know that its hard to live on earth, so I understand when you fall down once in awhile, ask me for help, and I will pick you up and carry you. No one loves you more than I do. When you feel alone, remember I am beside you. When you feel helpless, remember I offer myself to you. When you feel lost, remember I will lead you, and when you feel forgotten, remember that you are my child and I will love you unconditionally. It is never too late to come home. I will be here waiting, ready to embrace you. I will leave the light on for you. Forever with you, God
-------------------------------------------------------
i have proudly adopted:dytae jessie88 and edochick ^_^
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
-------------------------------------------------------
i have proudly adopted:dytae jessie88 and edochick ^_^
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
-
animegirl1 - Posts: 205
- Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:27 pm
- Location: texas
Very good writing, even if it's just an intro. Your words flow really well, and your descriptions are 'lively' (can't think of the word that aptly describes what I want to say at the moment, but that's the closest I can come up with. Anyway, they're good. 
) and you've used good words -not just your standard ones.
From your writing style and the story itself, if you continue this it could make a really good story. ^^
Although I hope you don't mind if I suggest some slightly different formatting... I think it'll help to make it easier to read and space things out:
Hope you don't mind, but I also edited to add some capitals and stuff as well. It's easy to leave them out when you're typing; and it didn't effect my enjoyment of the story as well. Just thought I'd edit them in case you want to change them later.
) and you've used good words -not just your standard ones.
From your writing style and the story itself, if you continue this it could make a really good story. ^^
Although I hope you don't mind if I suggest some slightly different formatting... I think it'll help to make it easier to read and space things out:
Animegirl1 wrote:PROLOGUE:
Ani sat by the fire in her familiar spot with a worn and tattered blanket covering just enough of her arms to keep her content. Normally she would dream she was an adventurer looking for new excitement, or a princess leading a band of theives, but she could not find anything that could keep her aching heart from distress... all she could do was sit and stare at the wall in front of her blankly, and wonder what she had done wrong. There she was, about to be carried away by strangers into a new family, home, life and she had no power to defy. It was only a few moments untill there was a knock to her door and her mother stepped into the room.
"It's time for you to go now Ani". Ani opened her mouth in protest with tears welling up in her eyes to replace the dried ones. Her mothers blue eyes and blonde hair scarcely showed in the dim light, but you could still make out the serious and stern expression on her face. Ani thought for a moment, but closed her mouth and wiped the tears from her eyes. There was no use fighting with her mother now. She got up and walked towards the door when her mother stopped her halfway.
"I want you to have this..." she reached into her pocket and handed Ani a small gold necklace containing three clear stones embeded into it's edge. Ani gazed up at her mother with a sharp suprised expression, and pierced her mother's distant unemotional face to where, for a moment, Ani thought she could see a hint of compassion for her that she had never seen before. Now the light had changed on an idea that was once distant and dark in Ani's mind. Maybe the path her mother had chosen for her would be the start of something greater than herself. Once Ani stepped out the door and into the hands of a life unknown, she thought to herself, this would be the beginning of an adventure of her very own.
Hope you don't mind, but I also edited to add some capitals and stuff as well. It's easy to leave them out when you're typing; and it didn't effect my enjoyment of the story as well. Just thought I'd edit them in case you want to change them later.
(0)>
((_\//
mm
[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times.
((_\//
mm
[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD
\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times.
-
Photosoph - Posts: 1528
- Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
- Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.
oh yes! thanks! ^^
it was the same beginning written in 2 composition books combined soo sry if it was a lil off hehe
i really appreciate your help and guidence ^^
i never was the best at grammer and spelling lol
it was the same beginning written in 2 composition books combined soo sry if it was a lil off hehe
i really appreciate your help and guidence ^^
i never was the best at grammer and spelling lol
The Letter from God Dear child, Despite your silence, I have heard your soul weeping. Why have you been so unhappy? Have you forgotten my everlasting love for you? Child, you are mine. Why have you not called my name sooner? If you seek me, I will answer. I am your counselor, ready to instruct you and show you which path to take. When you come to me, I will embrace you and silence all your fears. Just remember that I am here to hold you close and dry your tears. I will always be right beside you. Not only am I your father, but your best friend. Do not be afraid to ask for my mercy and forgiveness. I know that its hard to live on earth, so I understand when you fall down once in awhile, ask me for help, and I will pick you up and carry you. No one loves you more than I do. When you feel alone, remember I am beside you. When you feel helpless, remember I offer myself to you. When you feel lost, remember I will lead you, and when you feel forgotten, remember that you are my child and I will love you unconditionally. It is never too late to come home. I will be here waiting, ready to embrace you. I will leave the light on for you. Forever with you, God
-------------------------------------------------------
i have proudly adopted:dytae jessie88 and edochick ^_^
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
-------------------------------------------------------
i have proudly adopted:dytae jessie88 and edochick ^_^
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
-
animegirl1 - Posts: 205
- Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:27 pm
- Location: texas
No problem -my pleasure!
Really? I thought you did really well. Especially with the spelling and also your vocabulary seems good to me. ^^
i never was the best at grammer and spelling lol
Really? I thought you did really well. Especially with the spelling and also your vocabulary seems good to me. ^^
(0)>
((_\//
mm
[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times.
((_\//
mm
[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD
\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times.
-
Photosoph - Posts: 1528
- Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
- Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.
4 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 349 guests